Title: Gain From Loss
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: R for implied violence and sexual situations
Category:  MSR
Spoilers: Travelers
Summary: Scully finds some disturbing information about Mulder's 
past.

Disclaimer: These characters are the property of Chris Carter and 
Ten Thirteen Productions. I'm only borrowing them. I have no money so 
please don't sue me.

Gain From Loss

Agents Mulder and Scully sat in their basement office intensely 
engaged in a discussion regarding the evidence for their current 
case. They had been given a body by an unknown source that was 
similar to the fireman Scully had autopsied after the Dallas 
Federal Building bombing. On opposite sides as usual, they were 
debating their interpretation of certain aspects of the new 
autopsy. What they both agreed on, however, was that they were so 
close they could practically touch the truth. Scully was certain 
that with a careful enough analysis, she could derive the vaccine. 
They also agreed on the danger this case represented and the need 
to keep a tight level of security. They didn't hear Director 
Skinner's knock on the door and were surprised to see him enter 
their office, carrying a folder. Mulder was about to make a 
wisecrack when he saw the grim expression on Skinner's face.

Skinner walked across the office wordlessly and tossed the file 
down on the desk in front of Mulder. With a curious expression, 
Mulder reached down to open the file. Skinner stopped him with a 
hand on the file. 

"Its very bad, Agent Mulder." He took his hand away and Mulder 
opened the file, now greatly concerned. As Scully watched Mulder 
scan the file, she saw his face pale and go gray. After a few 
seconds Mulder closed his eyes silently and put his head on the 
desk in his hands.

From that position he whispered, "Are you certain on this?"

"I would not have brought this to you if I wasn't reasonably 
sure," Skinner replied, the sympathy patent in his voice.

"Where is she?"

"She's down here," Skinner replied, referring indirectly to the 
morgue in the basement. He continued as gently as he could, "I had 
her brought here because someone has to make a positive 
identification."

Scully saw Mulder tense. Skinner put his hand on his shoulder. 
Without a word, Mulder got up and walked to the morgue with 
Skinner and a very confused Scully on his heels. When they 
arrived, Skinner indicated an autopsy bay. In it, Scully could see 
a figure covered by a white sheet--long red hair cascaded from 
under the sheet. Mulder approached the stretcher and grasped the 
top of the sheet in his hand. He closed his eyes and slowly pulled 
back the sheet. When he opened them, he collapsed on the floor, 
not passing out, just unable to stand. Scully was at his side in 
an instant, her arms around his shoulders offering support, trying 
to pull him off the floor. Skinner helped her haul him up and 
Mulder turned to lean heavily on both Scully and Skinner, now 
crying uncontrollably. Scully stared at Skinner for an 
explanation. Skinner studiously ignored her.

After a few minutes Mulder managed, "What happened."

"We don't know. She was brought into Mercy Hospital Emergency by 
an unknown man who fled before he could be questioned. She was 
pronounced upon the initial examination. I'm very sorry Agent 
Mulder."

"We have to find the people responsible...." Mulder said 
straightening up and moving to leave the morgue. Skinner grabbed 
him by the arm.

"That is exactly what I intend to do, but you are going home. You 
are relieved of duty until further notice, please leave your badge 
and weapon in my office." Mulder glared at Skinner, rage 
overcoming grief. Scully looked amazed.

Skinner headed them both off, "Bureau policy specifically forbids 
your participation in this investigation Agent Mulder. You are way 
too close to it. Your emotional state will cause you to overlook 
things, misinterpret them, go outside normal procedure--which in 
your case wouldn't be hard to imagine in the best of 
circumstances. Besides, you need to grieve, you need time to deal 
with this."

Mulder still looked ready to argue, so Skinner continued, "I am 
going to conduct this investigation personally. You can name 
whoever else you want to work on it--Scully, anyone--your call. 
But you are going home before you collapse again."

Nodding, Mulder surrendered. He knew why she was dead and who 
killed her anyway. He knew Skinner wouldn't find the murderer. If 
Scully worked on the case, she would catch any important details 
that might aid their current investigation and she would keep him 
informed. Mulder realized Skinner was probably right, he couldn't 
handle this. 

Skinner looked suspicious at the ease of his victory, but decided 
to not look a gift horse in the mouth. "I'll take you home. I have 
some questions to ask you anyway. Do you want Scully on this?"

Mulder nodded.

"O.K. then, Scully first we need an autopsy. I want to know 
exactly how and when she died. You can deliver your report to 
Agent Mulder's apartment. I'll wait for you there." Skinner turned 
to leave, leading Mulder out before him. Scully stared at their 
backs incredulously for a moment.

"Sir," she said interrupting their departure when she saw no 
further explanation would be forthcoming.

"Is there a problem, Agent Scully?"

".... Well to begin with, I'll need authorization from the next of 
kin to do an autopsy," she stammered, completely lost but starting 
with the basics.

Her confusion escalated when Skinner looked to Mulder, who nodded 
eyes closed again, and then said, "You have it." He turned to 
leave again.

"Sir!" she yelled. Skinner turned again to find her standing with 
a look of complete confusion, arms wide as if to ask, "What is all 
this?"

"The report is on the exam table. I'll wait for you in Mulder's 
apartment." They left. Scully crossed the room and began to read 
the file. A few minutes later she turned on the recorder to begin 
her exam. "The deceased is Dr. Dana Kerrigan, age 34, professor of 
Physics at Georgetown University, missing since 1991. She weighs 
115 pounds and is 62 inches in length in extremis. The body shows 
no sign of decomposition, bruising, or rigor mortus, so I would 
initially estimate the time of death within the last 6 hours...." 
The file had contained no reference to how Mulder could authorize 
this autopsy, Scully thought as she executed the routine aspects 
of the autopsy automatically. Mulder rarely talked about his 
family. This certainly was not Samantha and she didn't remember 
him mentioning any other female relatives...maybe it was a cousin. 
Scully prepared for the Y incision and turned her concentration to 
the matter at hand.

Five hours later she let herself into Mulder's apartment with a 
very serious expression. She saw Mulder was asleep on the couch, 
the bottle of mild sleeping pills she had prescribed him several 
months before on the table. One of his B movies was playing on the 
TV. Skinner was in the chair, making notes from a pile of files 
spread in front of him. She threw hers down on the table in front 
of him. 

Scully began with no preamble, "Of course, most of the tests are 
not back yet, but since there was no obvious cause of death, I ran 
the toxicology myself. Good thing, because I doubt anyone else 
except some outside sources Mulder and I occasionally work with 
would have even recognized what I saw there," she opened her file 
to the toxicology report and pointed at a portion she had 
highlighted.

When Skinner didn't get it, she explained, "Dr. Kerrigan died of 
blood poisoning. The poisoning agents were strands of waste 
protein--exactly like those that were found in my blood after my 
disappearance. Now I want to know what's going on here!"

Scully's expression ran from angry to amazed and incredulous when 
Skinner got up wordlessly and gathered his files, including the 
autopsy report. He started to leave and Scully grabbed him by the 
arm--hard--forcing him to stop and look at her. "Mulder asked you 
to let me work on this with you. I can't do that if I'm completely 
in the dark."

"It's not my place to explain this Scully, it's his. Stay here. 
I'll meet you back here in a few hours."

"Where are you going?" she demanded, exasperated.

"To try to catch the people responsible before all the evidence 
disappears."

"The Syndicate is involved in this death. What do you know about 
this? How are you involved? How is Mulder involved? Who is this 
woman?" Scully asked in rapid fire.

Skinner pulled away from her and left.

"He's worse than Mulder!" Scully said angrily to herself. "I can't 
believe even Skinner is going to ditch me!" And he took all the 
files so she could do nothing to catch up. She went over to 
Mulder's video collection and prayed there would be something she 
could stand to watch. 

Hours later she awoke with a start to a noise. She had fallen 
asleep in the chair and was very stiff. It was the middle of the 
night and with only the light from the TV, she could see next to 
nothing. Hearing the noise again, she automatically reached for 
her gun and she encountered her empty holster. Damn! She had put 
the gun in the desk when they were in the office and never picked 
it up when she left for the autopsy. She looked for Mulder's gun 
but Skinner had been true to his word. Scully found Mulder's 
holster empty too and his badge wasn't in his coat pocket. She 
heard the noise again. She knew Mulder kept another gun in the 
apartment. She went to the couch and shook him. He awakened 
groggily.

"Dana...?" he asked, still disoriented from the affects of the 
sleeping pill.

She frowned at his use of her given name. "Yeah, its me Mulder. 
Mulder you need to wake up. Where's your gun--not your service 
weapon, the other one?"

This question brought Mulder around quickly. He sat up looking at 
her inquiringly. This time, they both heard the noise. He moved to 
get up to retrieve the gun when three men burst in through the 
apartment door. Scully moved automatically to fight but was 
brought up short by a gun aimed in her face. Mulder stood to 
defend her but the man closest to her put his arm around her 
throat and pointed the gun at her head. Mulder backed off his arms 
raised in surrender. "Just let her go. You can have what you 
want...."
 
The man holding Scully laughed, "This isn't a home invasion Mr. 
Mulder. This is insurance," he said indicating Scully. Realization 
dawning, Mulder rushed the man. The two men with him caught Mulder 
by the arms but he jerked his way free of them expertly. They 
fought until Mulder saw the man holding Scully back her against a 
wall his hand to her throat, strangling her to minimize the amount 
of fight she could front. He put his gun against her shoulder and 
fired. Scully screamed involuntarily, her face contorted with 
pain. The man again held her up against him with an arm around her 
throat. She was bleeding badly. He put the gun to her head and 
cocked it. Mulder surrendered instantly.

"What do you want," he said hoarsely looking at Scully. She was 
dazed but holding herself together.

"You're too close for your own good...or, more accurately, for the 
good of those around you, Mulder. We took Dr. Kerrigan for 
insurance against you, just as we held your sister for insurance 
against your father. You serve a purpose for us and we let you 
serve it, but make no mistake about your role in the plan Mr. 
Mulder. You got out of line recently--too close. Dr. Kerrigan had 
to die for that."

Scully saw the tears in Mulder's eyes. She was having trouble 
following what the man was saying.

"Now we need new insurance," he tightened his hold around Scully's 
throat. "Listen carefully, back off on your current investigation. 
Just drop it. You are way too close this time and the Syndicate 
has no intention of tolerating you any longer. You get too much 
closer and someone will be doing an autopsy on your partner here. 
Don't come looking for her either. She's ours. She'll stay alive 
and unharmed just as Dr. Kerrigan did as long as you play by the 
rules. She'll end up like Dr. Kerrigan when you break the rules. I 
hope you understand better this time than you did the last time."

He and the other men began to back out of the room, dragging 
Scully with them, gun still to her head. Mulder watched helplessly 
as she was taken from him. He took a step forward, looking at her 
intensely. She saw him whisper her name. His expression was 
tortured.

"By the way Mr. Mulder," the man holding Scully said, his voice 
dripping with sarcasm. "Sorry about your wife's passing."

They slammed the door. By the time Mulder reached and opened it, 
they had disappeared from the hallway. He started to follow them, 
but then remembered their warning. He couldn't let them hold 
Scully but he needed a plan. But if he didn't pursue them, he 
would never find her. He was out of sources. He would rather find 
her alive than dead. He stopped his pursuit and sat on the couch. 
Tears of frustration, exhaustion, and long repressed grief were in 
his eyes.

Skinner arrived shortly after the DC police. "What the hell 
happened here?" he demanded, flashing his ID. The officer in 
charge of the scene brought Skinner up to speed. Skinner ordered 
all the evidence, including the bullet extracted from the wall 
turned over to the FBI. "This will be an internal investigation," 
he explained as the officer left. He approached Mulder and sat on 
the couch next to him. "You want to give me the unabridged 
version."

Mulder was suddenly glad to have Skinner as an ally. He explained 
everything that had happened and, since it all was obviously 
connected, went on to describe the case he and Scully were working 
on. He jumped up. "The evidence from that case! They'll disappear 
it, we have to go get it." Mulder moved to get his coat, but 
Skinner stopped him.

"I already thought of that. Your case files are right here," he 
said indicating his briefcase. "What we have to do is copy it and 
get it back in your office so they can steal the originals." At 
Mulder's confused expression Skinner continued, "For Scully's 
sake, you'd better act like you are complying."

Mulder sat back down, wondering if it was the after-affect of the 
sleeping pill that was making his thought process so clouded. 
Skinner brought Mulder up-to-date on Scully's autopsy and his 
progress on the investigation on Dana Kerrigan. Skinner concluded, 
"We can't turn the evidence from this attack over, it's our only 
lead to Scully and we'll get nothing on it. Scully mentioned some 
sources you two work with, someone who would have recognized the 
protein strands in Dr. Kerrigan's blood.  Think they might be of 
some assistance here?"

Mulder was surprised that Scully would have mentioned the Lone 
Gunmen to Skinner. She knows how they value their privacy--or as 
she would put it--how paranoid they are. He hesitated. But he knew 
he would need the Gunmen's help and that he had no choice but to 
work with Skinner. Getting up and grabbing his coat, he indicated 
that Skinner should bring the evidence and follow him.

Scully was aware of being thrown into the trunk of a car before 
she lost consciousness. When she awakened she was lying on a 
hospital bed. She looked around, trying to ascertain her 
condition. She saw her gunshot wound had been treated and was 
bandaged. Her collarbone had apparently been broken by the 
concussion and was properly set. She noted the IV in her arm 
contained an antibiotic. She was obviously meant to live. She also 
saw that she was securely restrained by belts at her arms, legs, 
waist, and across her chest. She couldn't move. A person in 
medical garb entered. He injected Scully with a medication and 
left. She lost consciousness again.

Mulder and Skinner arrived at a building Skinner could only 
describe as rundown. Mulder knocked on the door and a nervous 
voice inside asked who was there.

"Its me," Mulder replied and the door opened. Mulder and Skinner 
filed in the door. The gunmen reacted immediately to Skinner's 
presence, "What's up? Who's the gimp?" Langly asked as Byers and 
Frohike walked around Skinner sizing him up.

"I like Scully better," Frohike contributed, looking him up and 
down.

Waving his hands to forestall their tirade, Mulder explained, 
"She's why I'm here, guys. I don't have time for long 
explanations. Somebody broke into my apartment, shot Scully, and 
kidnapped her. I need your help to find her."

"You'd have much more luck if you called the FBI," Byers said, 
half joking. "They have a division that specializes in missing 
persons." He moved over to Mulder with the other Gunmen and they 
sat down. "What have we got to work with?" They had completely 
disregarded Skinner's presence.

Mulder turned over the bullet and the police sketches of the men 
that took Scully.

"So I guess I'd be wasting time running these sketches against 
your average police photos," Frohike said, moving to the computer. 
"This is all part of your larger investigation, I assume." Mulder 
nodded. "Gonna be tough then...."

Mulder turned to Byers, letting Frohike get to work. "Byers, you 
id'ed this the first time," said Mulder taking Scully's autopsy 
report from Skinner and handing it to him. "I'd like you to get 
your source to work on it again. Compare it to this," he handed 
him the results of Scully's work on their current case. 

"Guys," Mulder said loudly getting all their attention. "Work 
quietly on this. Scully stays alive on the condition that I 
abandon this line of investigation." They nodded solemnly and 
scattered, getting down to business.

Skinner walked over to Mulder. His expression was priceless. 
Mulder actually smiled--Skinner and the Lone Gunmen would make an 
amusing combination.

"Who the hell are these...people, Agent Mulder?" Skinner demanded 
in a quiet but no-nonsense voice.

Despite the trauma of the last few hours, Mulder couldn't resist 
rocking Skinner's narrow little world a little. "They are a 
government watchdog group dedicated to revealing the truth about 
all the government conspiracies and cover-ups that go unnoticed 
and unpunished everyday here in our fine city. They use a variety 
of covert operations to gather evidence and analyze it. They're 
quite good." Then he added more seriously, "They're our best hope 
to find Scully quietly."

Skinner looked very skeptical, but said nothing. It was almost 
6:00am. Skinner suggested that they should make an appearance of 
going about their normal routine for 'those who were watching.' 
Mulder agreed to go back to his apartment and Skinner stated he 
would go home, get cleaned up, and go to the office as usual. 

Mulder went to speak to Byers before he left, "Don't call me, 
don't come to my apartment, don't send me an email, nothing. I 
don't want you guys to get involved. I will meet you at 
O'Flannigan's at 7:00 to see what you got. Make sure you are not 
followed and most importantly make sure you're not followed back 
here afterward."

"We know the drill, Mulder."

This time Scully awakened on a cot in a cell. She was still 
wearing the brace they had put on her for her collarbone, but she 
saw her arms were severely bruised at the IV sites and her gunshot 
wound was nearly healed. "I've been unconscious for at least two 
weeks!" she thought, panic rising.  She tried to sit up. She was 
very dizzy and weak--symptoms consistent with prolonged periods of 
unconsciousness. She steadied herself on the cot. The cell was 
dark and smelled musty. The surfaces were covered with dust. There 
was only one dim light, far above her on the high ceiling. The 
walls were made of brick, the door of solid steel. Inside, there 
was the cot, a toilet and a sink. There were no windows, only a 
slit in the door. It was completely silent--she heard no noises 
save her own breathing. Rising unsteadily, she tried the slit 
first--it was very solidly locked. She tried the sink. She was 
relieved to see it worked. She sat back down on the cot, trying to 
analyze the situation. If she had been unconscious for long enough 
for the gunshot wound to heal, that means Mulder had not been able 
to find her. That worried her. She remembered in something of a 
haze what the man had said to Mulder when he dragged her off--
insurance, don't follow, play by the rules.... They had held 
Samantha and Dr. Kerrigan for insurance. 

"God!" thought Scully. "That couldn't be true. Samantha had been 
missing for over 20 years and if she wasn't dead, she still was. 
She recalled that Dr. Kerrigan had been missing for 7." Held 
hostage for 7 years! It wouldn't happen. Mulder would find her, 
she could escape. She had to stay calm. Then she remembered the 
last thing the man had said--"sorry about your wife." Wife!

Skinner was not pleased with the whole situation. The evidence 
from Mulder's investigation, discretely returned to his office, 
had indeed disappeared. Nothing had come back through official 
channels on Scully's disappearance. He didn't like what Mulder's 
sources had produced. They were meeting them in a warehouse 
tonight. Mulder had led him there through a series of switchbacks, 
looking behind them through panes of glass, in mirrors. Skinner 
had never seen such a paranoid, demented display in his life--he 
felt like he was in a bad James Bond movie. The thing that 
disturbed him most, despite the theatrics, was not the unorthodox 
procedure he was being forced to follow, not even the fact that 
Scully was still missing after two weeks. It was that he could 
believe the story these men, the Lone Gunmen, were slowly weaving 
with the evidence they had given them. And it frightened him.

"Alright, let's look at what we've got," Mulder said as Skinner 
looked on. The Gunmen still hadn't spoken to him. Skinner didn't 
like Mulder's involvement in the investigation. He knew Mulder 
would risk everything at this point--men who have nothing left to 
loose would do that. The Syndicate hadn't thought of that when 
they took Scully. He moved closer to listen in. 

Langly reacted by eyeing him suspiciously before continuing, "So, 
the sketches you gave us match the description of men suspected in 
disappearances or murders of three other people. All related to 
government officials, who have either left their jobs or were 
killed apparently in the line of duty." Byers saw Skinner roll his 
eyes.

Byers picked up where Langly left off, "The blood analysis Scully 
did is superficially similar but fundamentally different from the 
one we did on her blood 4 years ago. It seems to have...advanced, 
evolved. We're still working on it."

Mulder slammed his fist into the wall. "We are no closer than we 
were two weeks ago."

Frohike interrupted his tirade, "You have described to us a series 
of cases that sound like they might be connected--why don't we try 
looking at the whole puzzle instead of the individual pieces. 
Maybe we can establish a pattern, see something we're missing."

Mulder groaned, "You are talking about hundreds of cases, the 
files on which burned several months ago. I'd be working entirely 
on memory."

"Well," said Byers. "That's why that photographic memory of yours 
is so important." He sat down, looking at Mulder expectantly. 

Disgusted, Skinner left, "Call me if you come up with anything."

Three times a day Scully heard footsteps in the hallway outside 
her cell, the latch on the slit in the door click, the door on the 
slit open, and food was shoved through on a metal tray. She tried 
talking to the unseen person, then yelling at him. He never 
responded. The food was healthy and decent. More evidence that she 
was meant to live. It wasn't her physical needs that concerned 
her, it was her mental health. After a week of sitting in the 
cell, no knowledge of where she was, whether it was day or night, 
how much time had passed, no contact with any other being, no 
stimulation except her imagination, she was afraid that if she was 
left there much longer, she might go mad.  To make matters worse, 
her idle mind kept going back to what the man had said--"sorry 
about your wife." Mulder's wife? Scully had worked with Mulder for 
over five years. She thought they knew each other, trusted each 
other. He was married, his wife kidnapped and held hostage in an 
effort to reign him in. And he never mentioned her or warned 
Scully of the ultimate cost of their work! He apparently never 
looked for her!  Her mind went wild on that. And then turned to 
Dr. Kerrigan herself. Dr. Dana Kerrigan. Doctor Kerrigan, 
professor of Physics, a scientist. Long red hair. She heard 
Mulder's voice saying her name as she was dragged from the 
apartment..."Scully." Her mind went back to the few times he had 
called her by her given name. She tried to fight away the panicked 
feeling of betrayal that threatened to overwhelm her.

She jumped up as the door to her cell suddenly opened. A man she 
didn't recognize entered--when he spoke her name, she noted he had 
a German accent.

Skinner was really concerned. It had been several days since he 
had been able to find Mulder--since he left him in the warehouse. 
Desperate, he finally decided to try the Lone Gunmen. He knocked 
on their door.

"Who's there?" came the paranoid response.

"Director Skinner, FBI. I came to ask you if you know anything 
about Agent Mulder's disappearance."

The door opened and Skinner was pulled inside. He faced the three 
Gunmen, exchanging suspicious glares with them. Byers broke the 
silence, "What do you mean 'Mulder's disappearance?'"

"I haven't seen or heard from Mulder in four days. He's not in his 
apartment, he's not answering his phone."

The Gunmen looked at each other worriedly. Skinner continued, "He 
is desperate, but he's in over his head and working completely 
outside the law. He needs backup." The Gunmen said nothing.

"Look," Skinner yelled. "I want to help Agent Mulder. I want to 
find Agent Scully. But, it looks to me like you gave him some 
information that sent him off to get himself killed. That's what 
these men do best, you know....If you really want to help Mulder 
and Scully, help me find him!"

The Gunmen looked at each other again. Byers spoke up, "One of our 
sources located one of the men who took Scully. He took a plane to 
Tunis on false papers. Mulder went after him--straight from our 
last meeting. He was supposed to contact us, but didn't."

Skinner looked exasperated. "I want all the information you gave 
him. I'm going after him."

As one, the began to move, gathering equipment, "We are going with 
you." As Skinner began to react, Langly said, "Just as Mulder 
shouldn't have gone off alone, neither should you. We can help 
you. If we are going to help Mulder and Scully, we are going to 
have to trust one another."

Skinner inwardly winced--he couldn't imagine this threesome 
trusting anyone, much less him.

Mulder couldn't believe his success. He had found the man he 
recognized as the man who shot Scully, followed him without 
incident, and now was staking out a huge warehouse-type building 
in a compound in the middle of the desert near Tunis. And he had 
just seen one of the men he thought he remembered seeing in the 
presence of the Cigarette Smoking Man in the past enter the 
building. Even if Scully wasn't here, if he could get that man, he 
was sure he could deal for her. Now he had to be patient, he had 
to wait for an opportunity.

It had been a week since her meeting with the German. They had 
left her in solitary confinement again. The German had wanted 
Scully to agree to work for him--best way to pass the time since 
she was a permanent guest, he had put it. He wanted her to do 
medical work. She had stated flatly that she would never do 
anything to serve their plans. But Scully privately admitted to 
herself that another week of solitude and she would be hard 
pressed to refuse any offer to leave this cell. She couldn't help 
thinking that any chance to get a look at what they were working 
on might be beneficial when she escaped. After having this thought 
she always wondered if that were truly logical or just her mind 
trying to justify any action that might lead to freedom from this 
isolation. No matter, if he offered again, she would agree. If 
they let her outside the cell, she might be able to formulate an 
escape. She had given up on Mulder--they had told him they'd kill 
her if he came looking. He hadn't come. He hadn't come after his 
wife either.  She shook her head trying to dispel thoughts that 
she knew were brought on by the intense emotions her current 
situation evoked. She had to stay calm to escape.

Skinner and the Lone Gunmen arrived in Tunis. Skinner had begun 
the trip thinking that associating with them was like living in 
Barnum and Bailey land. By their arrival in Tunis, he had a new 
respect, fear almost, of what these men could accomplish. They had 
packed insane surveillance equipment and other unidentifiable 
gadgets. Skinner had argued with them not to waste their time--
they would never get through airport security much less customs. 
But there they were. When they arrived in the hotel Skinner had 
arranged for them, they had insisted on changing room three times-
-"makes it harder for them to watch us because we're not following 
the plan they expected," Frohike had explained. Once they finally 
settled on a room, they immediately tore it to shreds looking for 
"devices" and setting up their own. Skinner stood by in disgusted 
silence. After their search turned up a bug planted in their 
luggage that they were certain wasn't there before, he began to 
respect them. Calling from a pay phone no where near their hotel, 
they called their source and learned where Mulder was. Skinner 
insisted they stay in the hotel as he went after him.

Mulder watched Struckhold enter the building. This was his chance 
he decided. He was going into that building.

A week later, the door to her cell opened again. It was the 
German. "Do you want to cooperate yet? You will find life with us 
easier to bare and you may find that you have more in common with 
us than you think."

Scully closed her eyes and forced herself to say the words, "What 
is it exactly you want me to do?"

"Just assist our researchers for now, do what they ask. As we grow 
to trust you more, you can have more autonomy in your work, as Dr. 
Kerrigan did. Her death was a real loss."

"You killed her."

"Me, oh no Agent Scully. You and your partner did that. Agent 
Mulder has known all along the consequences of pushing too hard. 
He's useful to us as long as he doesn't get too close to the real 
truth, but when he does.... Well, for your sake, I hope he has 
learned something. Now, one last time--and I promise, this is the 
last time I will offer you this opportunity--do you want to work 
with us?"

"I will," the words sent a chill down her spine, but she knew she 
had to get out of the cell to escape.

"Good, then come with us please. I will introduce you to our lab 
manager. You will follow his orders. Any failure to comply with 
his instructions and carry them out flawlessly and you will find 
yourself back here, permanently."

Scully followed him down the hall, surprised he didn't cuff her or 
hold a weapon on her. He saw her surprise.

"Don't worry my dear, you can't possibly escape. We are in the 
middle of the desert--7 days walk from any source of civilization. 
You'd never make it without transportation. We keep one helicopter 
here for my convenience--you'll find access to it is severely 
restricted."

"No matter," thought Scully. "I can't fly a helicopter." She would 
still be better able to find an opportunity to escape this way 
than in an isolation cell.

Mulder had managed to slip into the building. Now, hiding in the 
air ducts, he could hope to find Scully.

Skinner called back to the Gunmen. He had to admit the 
communication equipment they had brought was invaluable. He found 
a hummer in the desert not far from the coordinates at which he 
should find a compound, according to the Gunmen's source. He 
called back to their "base" in the hotel and asked them to see if 
they could find out if Mulder had acquired this transportation. 
For his part, Skinner circled around to the North side of the 
coordinates--if it wasn't Mulder's transportation, he didn't want 
to find whose it was the hard way. He would go the rest of the way 
on foot to avoid detection.

After two days of working in the lab, Scully still hadn't 
determined a good escape route. The lab was an interior room, so 
she couldn't see the outside of the compound or her surroundings. 
They had given her a room, rather than a cell, to sleep in but it 
was also an interior room. They escorted her there each night 
going by the same path each time and along the way stopping at a 
cafeteria for her to eat, alone. They locked and guarded her room 
at night. She would have to wait until they had enough trust in 
her to allow her to walk around unescorted. That she needed an 
escort gave her some hope that escape was possible.

Mulder had spent three days in the air ducts, sneaking down at 
night to steal scraps of food from the cafeteria he'd found. He'd 
also found a row of cells, but Scully wasn't in them. He had a few 
more areas to search before he could be sure Scully wasn't here. 
He was resting when he heard the noise--a dragging sound very 
close to him. Someone was crawling through the duct, they'd 
discovered him! They'd kill Scully if they found him! Mulder 
shuffled off quickly to a "crossroads" in the duct system and took 
the side where he could best jump the approaching person. He 
pulled his gun. The person's shadow came into view in the dim 
lighting. Mulder quickly pressed his gun against the person's head 
and whispered--"I've got nothing to loose. Don't move or I'll kill 
you."

Skinner recognized Mulder's voice. "Mulder, for God's sake. It's 
me. The people who work here walk in the hallways, not the air 
ducts." Skinner slowly turned to face him.

Mulder didn't lower his gun. "What are you doing here?" he asked 
suspiciously. Maybe Skinner had been one of them all along.

"I'm here with your friends, they told me where you had gone after 
you didn't contact them as you'd promised." Mulder still eyed him 
suspiciously so Skinner continued, "You can call them on this if 
you don't believe me." Skinner produced his miniature 
communication device. Mulder relaxed.

"Have you found her?" Skinner whispered.

Mulder shook his head.

"Seen her at all?"

Negative, again.

"What are you doing here then?"

Scully followed her escort back to the lab. She went about the 
work they gave her automatically. It wasn't challenging and its 
routine nature gave her no insight into what they were doing here. 
Struckhold came into the lab around midday.

"How is our new assistant doing?" he asked.

The lab manager nodded his silent reply. Struckhold approached 
her. She decided to try to play him--to push.

She smiled as he greeted her and agreed this was better than her 
cell.

"But, do you think I could go outside for just five minutes, 
anything." When he didn't immediately deny her, she continued, 
"I'll go handcuffed with a gun to my head, I just really need to 
see the sun. I've been here for almost a month. Please?" She 
didn't like begging, but she needed more of an idea about where 
she was if she was to ever escape.

Struckhold looked at her narrowly.  With a wave of his hand he 
dismissed the guard that stood over her in the lab and escorted 
her to her room. "If you can work, eat,  get to your room, and 
stay there without trouble for a few days, I will consider it. Do 
anything other than go straight to the cafeteria and your room and 
you'll go back to your cell, permanently. Understand?"

"Yes, sir." She almost choked on the honorific. 

Two days later, Skinner and Mulder were making their way to the 
only part of the building they hadn't searched--the most interior 
part. From the looks of the ducts, there might be some type of lab 
here. They had seen isolated air feeds and exhaust pipes normally 
used for lab contaminants. They had spent two days searching and 
planning together. Skinner did not agree with Mulder's idea to try 
to abduct the German man if they couldn't find Scully. They 
reached a vent and looked into a room. They had been right--a lab 
of some kind. They both almost fell out of the vent when they saw 
Scully, in a labcoat and gloves, her face mask around her neck and 
safety glasses on her head talking calmly to Struckhold, smiling. 
They couldn't hear what she was saying.

"Please," she smiled. "Do you think I might go outside today? Just 
for a short time. You said yourself there was no escape. I don't 
want to die in the desert. I don't want to get shot by your men 
again. I will do whatever you ask. I just need to see the sun."

Mulder and Skinner saw Struckhold shrug and saw Scully listen 
intently to what he was saying, ask a question and react to the 
answer with obvious delight. Pulling off the gloves and glasses, 
she turned on her heals and left the room quickly--unguarded. 

"What in the hell is going on here?" Skinner asked.

Mulder was staring at Scully's disappearing back.

"She doesn't look like a prisoner." Skinner pressed.

Mulder turned violently, "She is not one of them! I will never 
believe that!" he said loudly, grabbing Skinner's collar for 
emphasis.

 They argued for several minutes before they saw Scully return and 
go quietly back to work.  Struckhold left the room. They watched 
her the rest of the day and followed her movements back to her 
room that night. Skinner convinced Mulder that they'd better be 
very sure what they were dealing with before they revealed 
themselves and contacted her, so instead of knocking on the vent 
in her room, they watched her through it.

In her room, Scully put her face in her hands and cried quietly, 
very disheartened by her trip outside. Struckhold was right. They 
were in the middle of nowhere. She saw desert in every direction 
and no vehicles at all. No matter. She would rather die in the 
desert than be experimented on here. She was certain that would 
eventually be her fate. She definitely didn't want to contribute 
to their cause in any way. She took out the latex gloves she had 
stolen from the lab and the diet energy bars she had pocketed in 
the cafeteria.

Mulder and Skinner watched as Scully filled the gloves with water 
from the sink in the room--eight gloves all together. She wrapped 
them in a white coat she had worn from the lab along with the 
chocolate bars and stuffed the whole thing under the bed.

"She's planning to escape--what else could the water-filled gloves 
be for? A water balloon fight?"

"You're right," Skinner conceded, relieved. "How can we help her?"

Mulder responded by tapping on the vent's cover, "Scully!" he 
called in voice that he hoped wasn't loud enough for anyone else 
to hear.

He saw Scully cover her ears.

"My God, I am going crazy," she said out loud, covering her ears 
with her hands.

"No you're not Scully, we're in the vent. Look up."

Scully raised tearful eyes and saw the shadow in the vent. Mulder 
saw her incredulous look. She jumped up on the bed to get closer 
to the vent. "Mulder! My God!" Her face showed pure joy. "God I'm 
glad to see you," she whispered, clutching at the vent. "How did 
you get in here, how did you find me, where are we?"

"Never mind--no time. Can you get outside this building?"

"That's what I was planning to try tonight."

"Ok. When you get out, go to the south side of the building. 
There's an outbuilding. We'll meet you there. We have a hummer. Do 
bring your bag of tricks just in case," Mulder said indicating her 
coat full of water and snacks. 

"Who's we? Who's with you?"

"Skinner," Mulder replied.

Scully was too shocked to reply and before she recovered herself, 
Mulder and Skinner had moved out of sight. 

She waited until she hadn't heard any sound in the compound for at 
least an hour. She cracked her door open and looked around. There 
was no place to hide a body or a camera. If they were watching 
her, they were doing a very covert job of it. Her plan was to go 
in the direction of the cafeteria and then make a break for it. 
Until she passed the cafeteria, she could claim that it had been 
her destination if she were caught. She padded softly down the 
dark hall, pausing to listen at every corner. The only thing she 
heard was her heart beat. Mulder and Skinner were outside. They 
could get her out of the desert if she could get herself out of 
the building. If she were caught, it meant death or the isolation 
cell. She preferred death. She knew Mulder couldn't get her out of 
that cell. She passed the cafeteria. Two minute walk to the 
outside door, more or less.

Mulder and Skinner watched her progress from the vents, looking 
out each one they passed to see if she were still in view, if she 
needed help. Skinner had argued they would help her more by 
getting to the rendezvous point on time, but Mulder didn't want to 
leave her. Skinner finally conceded--it made sense to back her up 
if they could. Ahead of her in the duct, Mulder and Skinner heard 
it before Scully. Mulder pressed his face against the vent, not 
daring to call out, willing her to hear them in time.
 
Time passed slowly, her heart raced. She proceeded down the 
corridor. She heard voices approaching her! She looked around her. 
She was afraid to try the doors that lined the hallway--they might 
lead to worse places. She looked up. Mulder and Skinner had gotten 
into the air system somehow. The only vent she saw was tiny. But, 
the ceiling was the drop-down type with no ceiling tiles covering 
the joints. She jumped, caught the rail and hauled herself up, 
grimacing at the pain in her newly healed collarbone and praying 
it would stand up to the strain. With a silent struggle, she 
righted herself and prayed the ceiling joints would hold her. She 
held her breath as she watched two scientists from the lab pass 
underneath her. She looked around. Now that she was up here, she 
could crawl across the ceiling joints. She considered it. Safer 
than the open hallway. Slower. She decided she'd go for safer. She 
began to crawl.

Mulder and Skinner let out their breath. That had been close. They 
watched to see Scully reappear. When she didn't, Mulder motioned 
for them to get moving.

From above it on the ceiling joints, Scully inspected the door. 
She saw no wires or lightbeams that would indicate it was alarmed. 
She dropped down from the ceiling and peered outside the door 
through its small window. She saw no guards. This was too easy. It 
made her nervous. She saw two shadows running through the yard. 
She ducked back and then recognized the one form--Mulder. This was 
it. She put her hand on the door knob and turned.

Scully opened the door and ran like hell. She expected to hear 
alarms blaring, guns, guards running after her, but nothing 
happened. Through the surreal silence, she ran as fast as she 
could toward where she had seen Mulder and Skinner. Slipping into 
the shadow of the building she felt safer. She slowed her pace to 
a trot, searching the shadows for Mulder. An arm reached out from 
a doorway and grabbed her, pulling her hard against a body. A hand 
clamped over her mouth. She moved to fight, but as quickly 
relaxed. She would recognize Mulder's scent and the feel of his 
body anywhere. The hand moved from her mouth when he realized she 
wasn't going to fight. Feeling his grip relax she turned, glanced 
into his eyes to confirm what she knew, and threw her arms around 
him collapsing against him and crushing him in her embrace.

Mulder held Scully for what seemed like an eternity. He couldn't 
get close enough to her. His one arm behind her neck and the other 
across her waist, he pulled her to him as if to fuse their two 
bodies. He felt the softness of her hair under his cheek, the 
warmth of her body against his, her breath on his neck. Alive, 
safe!

Skinner's voice shattered that thought. "This is no time 
Agents....guards, armed, coming out that door. Move! Now!" He 
grabbed Mulder's arm and dragged him by brute force along the 
shadows. Mulder looked at Scully and saw the raw fear in her eyes 
as they began to flee. He would die before he would loose her 
again. They ran into the dark desert before they were detected. 
They kept running.

When they reached the hummer, Scully and Skinner leapt into the 
vehicle and urged Mulder to start it. They began to move as 
quickly as the hummer did move across the sand. Scully heard 
Skinner calling someone, informing them of success and asking them 
to be ready to backup them up if necessary and to depart 
immediately. She touched his arm as he closed communications.

"You brought a team here to get me?" she was amazed one agent 
warranted such a risk.

"No, I couldn't involve official channels. It's the Lone Gunmen," 
Skinner said tapping his radio.

The stress of the last month overcame her. Scully began to laugh 
hysterically. Mulder and Skinner both looked at her, concern 
evident in their eyes. When Scully regained enough control to 
speak she said, "I was just imagining Director Skinner working 
with the Gunmen." She burst out laughing again. This time Mulder 
joined her.

Their return to Washington was tense. They couldn't be certain 
they wouldn't be pursued. Skinner remembered the time the 
Cigarette Smoking Man had asked him if he wondered what it would 
be like to die in a plane crash. He knew the Syndicate could do 
it. They spent much of the trip back quizzing Scully on how she'd 
come to be working in that laboratory and what she had seen there. 
Unfortunately, her exposure had been very limited.

Back in Washington, Skinner worked to cover-up their disappearance 
and protect them from further incident. He also worked to get his 
agents to take some time off.

"We can't. That is exactly what they want," Mulder said for the 
hundredth time.

Skinner looked at Scully, hoping she'd be more reasonable.

"I'm fine, Sir," she reassured him. "I did all my recovering in a 
cell."

"What about your emotional recovery?" Skinner practically yelled. 
Scully had studiously avoided looking at Skinner, as she had 
avoided any discussion about her experience other than those 
things that could be relevant to future investigations. She didn't 
want to admit even to herself the affect the experience had on 
her.

"And what about yours?" he turned to Mulder, who began to protest. 
Skinner cut him off, "Don't you think you might at least take some 
time off to bury your wife's ashes?" He knew that was a cruel 
thing to say, but he had to get through to them.

Scully stared at Mulder. Mulder refused to look at either of them.

Skinner pressed his advantage. "It's been over a month. I 
understand why you didn't deal with things immediately." He looked 
at Scully. "But now its time. You have to deal with this."

Mulder sat down, still refusing to look at them.

"Scully, for God's sake, can you get him home and talk some sense 
into him?"

Scully said nothing. She took Mulder's arm and led him silently 
from the room. She took him to the basement parking garage, put 
him her car, and drove him to her apartment. He still couldn't 
speak, or meet her gaze. She sat him on the couch and went into 
the kitchen. He heard pots clang and packages of food open. Half 
an hour later she emerged with a "healthy meal." They ate 
silently. She cleared the table.

When she came back into the living room, he found he still 
couldn't look at her. He felt like he had betrayed her by not 
telling her about.... He hadn't meant it that way, he had worked 
hard to forget and he wanted it that way.

Very quietly he heard her say, "I would really like to know more 
about her."

After a moment, he heard his voice answer her. "She and I were 
married for a little over a year. I met her right after I started 
at the Bureau. We dated. She was brilliant. Everything I never 
wanted in a woman, before I met her." He laughed self-consciously. 
"I was only in my 20's, I was still very much a boy 
mentally....shut up, don't say it."

Scully was immensely relieved he could still joke. He quickly 
became serious again.

"She was such an angel, especially after Phoebe. We dated about a 
year before I proposed. After we married, I got involved in the X 
files. She was a particle physicist--you can imagine what she 
thought! But she respected me and my beliefs. She never accepted 
them, she thought I was crazy--but she respected me and the work 
because she saw it saved lives even if it was crazy. When they 
took her, and told me it was because of me, I wished I would die. 
I've lost everyone important to me, Scully. My Dad, my mom--she 
may still be alive, but I lost her emotionally after Samantha--I 
lost my sister and my wife. Everyone I've tried to care for--
Phoebe, Diana." He looked at her for the first time. "The only one 
I haven't lost is you."

Scully reached out and took his hand. She wanted so badly to 
reassure him that she would always be there--but she knew that was 
an empty promise. And she knew he knew that too.

"Her name was Dana."

"I know," Scully replied gently.

"I wanted to hate you when they assigned you to the X files. I was 
sure you were one of them. It seemed like they had intentionally 
chosen you as the person that could hurt me most--Dana Scully, who 
wrote her thesis in physics, a doctor and a scientist. You look so 
much like her too--your hair...."

He paused to gauge the affect this was having on her. Her face was 
completely neutral. He went on.

"I tried to hate you. To cut you out. And if you had been more 
like Dana, I probably could have, because I hated them so much for 
forcing you on me. But you were nothing like her. You both 
respected me, fought my ideas, gave them perspective, kept me in-
line, bailed me out, stood by me and countered my every move. But 
you are reserved and she was very outgoing; you weigh what you say 
carefully, she said whatever came to mind; you are slow to trust 
anyone with your emotions, Dana's emotions were always out there 
for anyone to see. She was very passionate. You both are I guess, 
just a different styles of passionate."

He paused again.

"Byers called you the 'enigmatic Dr. Scully.' That's how I 
described you to them. I couldn't figure you out. You never 
opposed me in public and never agreed with me in private. You seem 
so completely intense about everything, yet very reserved. I hated 
myself for it, but I immediately found myself trusting you, 
needing your advice, your input. Depending on you."

Mulder paused and wondered for a minute how this conversation had 
turned from Dana to Scully. As if he didn't know.

"So I put her out of my mind. If I found Samantha, I would find 
her. I wanted to believe that I could find them. It was that..." 
he paused fumbling for the right word...."well...sometimes hope 
and sometimes just belief, that I would find them, that has 
prevented me from...." He stopped and froze. What was he about to 
say! He waved his hand in the air as if he could erase the words. 
"Never mind...." he mumbled.

"From becoming involved with someone else?" she finished for him.

He nodded.

"I'm sorry she's gone." Scully pulled him to her and held him. 
"But you never lost her, you haven't lost Samantha either. As long 
as you love them, they are with you. As long as you know they 
still love you, you are never alone." She held him and rocked him 
back and forth as he cried.

"Scully?" he whispered after a long time.

"Hmm." She still held him.

"I feel very guilty for not telling you about her. I want you to 
know why I didn't. It isn't because I didn't trust you, or feel 
close enough to let you into that part of me. I just couldn't talk 
about her, period. I blocked it out and I needed it that way for 
my sanity--she was taken specifically because of me. I couldn't 
handle that."

"Why didn't you go after her?"

Mulder immediately broke down again and Scully was instantly sorry 
she asked it. "Shhh," she whispered, holding him tighter. "I'm 
sorry, its just you're always so damn foolish about coming after 
me, it didn't make sense to me. But it's personal Mulder, I'm 
sorry. Shhh."

He pulled away from her and looked at her. She saw something in 
his expression that she hadn't seen before. She looked at him, 
mixture of curiosity and caring in her eyes. It was obvious he 
wanted to say something, but didn't know if he should. She reached 
over and tenderly caressed his cheek. "You can tell me anything 
Mulder--you know that. Or nothing, whatever you are comfortable 
with."

"I did try to find her but I didn't know where to begin. I didn't 
have the experience or the resources back then. I knew next to 
nothing about what I was really dealing with. I was lost without 
her, so emotionally I started again from a new place."

Scully nodded. Unexpectedly, he continued.

"I go after you, even though I'm not sure that I can find you, 
even when I don't know where to begin, because you are my whole 
world. I have no where to go without you. There could be no place, 
no new beginning, without you."

Scully pulled him back into her embrace. He pulled away again.

"Scully, I know you must be having some...thoughts about 
Dana...and yourself. I need you to know that I got past mixing you 
and her up a long time ago. I don't want you to think that any 
part of our...relationship...is based on any association I'm 
making."

"Mulder, I had a lot of time to think about this," he knew she was 
referring to her time in Tunis. "I admit that at first I 
was...hurt, angry...even jealous. I couldn't understand why you 
wouldn't have told me about her. My imagination had a lot of time 
to play with...our similarities and what they might mean." She 
paused. "I was also under a lot of stress." She continued as 
gently as she could, "But Mulder, I've had a little more time to 
think. I suppose I am honored that I remind you of someone you 
loved so much." She squeezed his hand.

Mulder continued in a rush, she could tell he was nervous. 
"Scully, I'm glad you're not still angry or hurt finding out about 
this in such an unexpected way. It would be very easy for me to 
leave it at that." He hesitated again. "It was easier for me to 
try to forget about Dana than it was to try to deal with it.... I 
don't want to make that mistake again." He looked into her eyes, 
pulling her closer to him with his hands on her shoulders. Their 
faces were inches apart, his lips inches from her. She could feel 
his breath caress them. He whispered, "You don't remind me of 
someone I loved at all. You are someone I love very much." He 
lowered his eyes, afraid to see her reaction, and softly caressed 
her cheek. 

Without looking up he gave her no chance to respond, "I don't 
expect you to be anything but shocked by that little revelation," 
he laughed at himself again. "I just want you to truly understand 
how important you are to me. I know there are more...practical 
things to consider. I promise I won't let it affect our 
partnership." He stumbled to a stop when Scully laughed out loud. 
He looked at her, somewhat shocked by her reaction.

She smiled broadly and cupped his face firmly in her hands to 
force him to look at her. "You won't let it affect our 
partnership?" she laughed. "Is that what you were doing in 
Antarctica and Tunis? Is that what you were doing when you didn't 
work on any other case but my abduction for three months? Is that 
what you were doing when you risked your life, and Skinner's and 
the guys on my account? That was your idea of this not affecting 
our partnership? And when I went after you to Alaska, Puerto Rico, 
New Mexico... and when I've lied to Congress to cover for you--I 
suppose you think I would do those things for anyone. Mulder, our 
partnership couldn't be more fundamentally affected by the depth 
of feeling we experience for one another. But that is what makes 
us strong, makes us able to stand against the Syndicate. We have 
something they can't fight because they can't understand it. I 
accepted that a long time ago."

He was staring at her. Did he understand her correctly?

She saw his incredulous expression. "Mulder, surely you know how 
much I love you," she whispered, still holding his face in her 
hands, her thumbs stroking along his jaw, their faces still inches 
apart. 

His heart was racing as he caressed her cheek and softly traced 
her lips with his finger. She closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the 
sensation. He pulled her closer. She felt his hands run through 
her hair as he moved to put his arms around her. He kissed her 
forehead. She pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes as she 
had so many times. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. Without 
pulling away, he kissed her again at the corner of her mouth. 
"Scully," he whispered, breathlessly.

For several moments she enjoyed allowing herself to merely 
experience the feelings Mulder's touch evoked. She would have 
never believed she could so intensely desire anyone or anything as 
she did the soft kisses he was tracing along her jawline. When he 
momentarily pulled back, she found herself kissing his neck, her 
hands in his hair. 

"I don't want to rush this," he whispered.

Scully stopped instantly. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt 
him by pushing him. "You're right. You need time to grieve. I'm 
sorry." Scully moved away from him on the couch a little, amazed 
at how completely overcome with emotion she was.

Mulder stopped her and sharply turned her face to his with a hand 
under her chin, "This has nothing to do with Dana, and everything 
to do with you." He was caressing her face again, whispering, 
hovering over her lips as he spoke. "We have the rest of our lives 
to enjoy this. I just want to go slow...to savor how it feels to 
touch you, to hold you. I've wanted you for so long...." Again he 
was caressing her cheek. She closed her eyes.

"God, Mulder..." she whispered. He had done nothing more intimate 
than touch and kiss her cheek. What would happen to her if...? 
"Kiss me, Mulder. Please," she begged without opening her eyes. An 
eternity passed. Then she felt his lips on hers. Gently, softly, 
he kissed her. She felt his arms encircle her as he pulled her 
against him. The kiss deepened. He parted her lips with his 
tongue. She moaned softly. They kissed for several moments. Then 
he was kissing her neck again, his lips moving in a line near her 
ear, along her jaw, and down her throat to the buttons on her 
blouse. Her arms slid under his shirt to caress his bare back. 
 
His arms around her waist, Mulder could feel Scully's body 
trembling and her hands shaking as she ran them across his back. 
"Are you alright?" he whispered, concerned.

"Mulder, if you truly want to take this slowly, we'd better stop 
right now...while I still have some semblance of control."

He stared at her--Scully actually admitting she was out of 
control? Somehow that excited him. She looked up at him and saw 
his expression. "I have wanted this...wanted you... for years, 
Mulder. As many times as I've imagined kissing you, I never 
imagined the affect...." she struggled to voice how he was making 
her feel.

He stared at her intensely for several moments then slowly reached 
to gather her in his arms. He picked her up off the couch and 
carried her into her bedroom. Laying her on the bed carefully, he 
knelt over her. She reached up to pull him down, grasping his 
collar. He kissed her again. She unbuttoned his shirt and pushed 
it off his shoulders. She ran her hands over his bare chest, 
closing her eyes and luxuriating in the sensation. She felt Mulder 
unbuttoning her blouse, placing a kiss over each inch of skin as 
he exposed it. The front clasp on her bra opened and Mulder cupped 
her breasts in his hands, softly rubbing his thumbs over her 
nipples. She gasped and he covered her mouth with another kiss. 
His lips moved down her jaw and throat. His tongue circled her 
nipple, lightly biting and sucking. His hands had run down from 
her breasts to her flat stomach, unbuckling the belt of her pants. 
She wriggled out of them, clad now only in silk panties. She saw 
him unbuckle his own pants and shrug out of them. He lay down, 
fully on top of her and returned to kissing her neck and breasts. 
The feel of his bare skin on hers was incredible. She traced 
patterns on his back, kissing his neck. His hands wandered to her 
hips and thighs. He shifted his weight slightly and lightly traced 
one finger up her inner thigh. "God, Mulder...." she gasped 
involuntarily moving her legs to give him more access. She heard 
his breathing had become more ragged. He ran the finger over the 
silk of her panties. With an effort, she restrained herself from 
squirming under his touch. He moved his hand along the edges of 
her panties. Her nails dug into the flesh on his arms. Finally, he 
slid his hand under the silk. Slowly and methodically he touched 
her, his fingers parting her. God, she was so wet. As he softly 
caressed her, he felt her tense. She was close, but he was 
determined to enjoy this, to relish it. He felt her hands removing 
his boxers and then grasp his length. It was his turn to gasp. He 
continued to caress her as she moved her left hand up and down his 
length and her right hand lightly over his balls. She looked at 
him--his eyes closed, his head thrown slightly back. He was 
fighting to maintain control. She wanted him to loose control.

"Mulder, I want you..." He moved over her, kissing her again and 
caressing her breasts. She pulled him nearer with her hands on his 
hips. "Mulder, I want you right now," she said breathlessly. She 
guided him to her. Slowly, gently her entered her. She cried out, 
pulling him deeper into her with her hands on his ass. He thrust 
into her slowly at first. Her response encouraged more and soon he 
was completely out of control. He felt her muscles contract around 
him and surrendered himself, collapsing against her. He lay on top 
of her, motionless, for several moments as they both tried to get 
control of their breathing. Then he propped himself up on one 
elbow gathering her against him with his other arm, kissing her 
hair tenderly, whispering, "I love you so much," over and over 
between kisses.

She pulled away slightly to look at him. The intense expression 
she encountered was a mixture of desire and adoration. It brought 
tears to her eyes. She pulled him against her. "I love you."