Scarecrows

By Rae
(DANAxFOX@aol.com)

I would love to hear from you all but only praise or constructive
criticism please. I am a "virgin" poster. This is my first fanfic post
so go easy.

Rating: R (some graphic images and bad words)

Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully and Skinner do not belong to me. I hope FOX,
Chris and 1013 Productions don't mind me taking liberties with them.
Just consider this endeavor as the harmless fantasies of a bored
housewife. Much thanks to my friends in "crime" - Barb ("The Editor")
and Margo ("The Romantic") I owe you both big time.

Summary: Mulder and Scully are detoured to Aspen to try and help solve
the kidnapping of a young girl. There Mulder is taken hostage by a
deranged man who sees Mulder as his savior. Scully races against time to
try and save her partner... from the present and the past.

Spoilers (minor): "Grotesque", "Emily/Christmas Carol", X-Files: Fight
the Future  

Editor's note: I am just posting this first part of the story for Rae.
It is not completed and you will have to bug her (as I have) to finish
it and not leave us hanging!!!

Scarecrows

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does
not become a monster. And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also
looks into you." Friedrick Neitzsche

DENVER INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT May 31, 1998 6:01 PM

He recognized them immediately as they disembarked from the plane, The
descriptions he was given: Male; tall and dark, Female; short and red,
were right on the mark. They were scheduled for a two hour layover in
Denver before completing the rest of their flight back to Washington DC.
The plane from Seattle had arrived earlier than scheduled and he was
afraid he had missed them. He hurried up to them.

"Agent Mulder. Agent Scully." They turned in unison.

"Agent Williams." He extended his hand out, first to Scully then to
Mulder. "I was afraid I had missed you." He reached into his jacket for
his ID badge and displayed it for both to see. His voice rose and fell
as if out of breath, but Mulder suspected it was more with what the man
was about to tell them.

"You both have been redirected to Aspen per Assistant Director Skinner's
instructions. If you will follow me we have a plane ready to fly you
there immediately."

Neither moved. "In regards to what?" Mulder asked suspiciously.

"A kidnapping. Five year old girl. We desperately need your help and
expertise. We don't have much time."

"What kind of kidnapping?"

"Kind? Stranger. Non-custodial. Happened in the mall right under the
mother's nose."

"Are you sure they want me?" questioned Mulder. "It's not what I do..."

Agent Williams cut him off. Irritation creeping into his voice. "Listen.
I'm only doing what I was told to do. The Aspen PD needs a profiler. I
called Washington. They told me you and your partner were out West and
would be able to help quicker than anyone. Any questions, call AD
Skinner. Please, we need to hurry. I can brief you on the plane. Your
bags should already be on board."

Scully cast a questioning look at Mulder, who shrugged his shoulders and
started to follow after Agent Williams. Scully's hand on his arm stopped
him.

"Mulder..."

He sighed and looked at her hand. Mulder raised his eyes to meet hers.

"I'll be okay, Scully." he said, trying to reassure her. He knew exactly
what she was thinking.

She looked hard into his hazel eyes. Her face tight, conveying her
unhappiness and concern.

"Remember the Mostow case... I don't like this, Mulder." she said in a
hoarse whisper.

Agent Willliams stopped a distance away. Waiting, annoyed. He could not
hear what they were saying to each other but, judging from Agent
Scully's body language, he could tell she was not happy.

"Scully, what could go wrong? You'll be right by my side. Remember..."
he said, giving her a quick smile and a wink. "I've got you, Babe." he
said, mimicking the Sonny and Cher song.

His humor wasn't working on her. She wasn't amused.

They stared at each other for several long moments before Mulder turned
away. "Let's get this over with."

She reluctantly followed after him.

_______________________

After they were safely airborne, Agent Williams quickly opened a manila
envelope he had in his briefcase. "The urgency of this will become
apparent." He laid out several color 8"x10"s in front of them. Scully
carefully watched Mulder's face as he closed is eyes and drew in a long
breath before slowly opening them to view the photos.

"I thought you said the girl was five?" said Scully, peering over
Mulder's shoulder. The photos were of an older girl. Approximately
twelve to fourteen, she had long, straight hair neatly parted on the
side and blue eyes. She was a very beautiful girl with a slender,
athletic build. Agent Williams covered the photo with a picture of the
same girl; dead. Mulder's eyes hardened. He leaned over the photos,
reviewing each one carefully.

"Kaitlin Henderson. Local soccer star. Made All-State last year. Quite a
write-up in the papers. Age thirteen. Disappeared on her way home from
practice. She turned up three days later by the side of a popular hiking
trail- nude, wrapped in a bed sheet. No sign of rape or other sexual
abuse. There were some abrasions around her wrists and ankles that her
killer had oddly covered with bandages. Death was by suffocation. The
body had been washed. Her hair was still wet when the hiker found her.
Must have just missed the guy."

Mulder took the manila envelope from Agent Williams and spilled out all
the rest of the photos and reports. He handed the autopsy report to
Scully to review while he quickly flipped through the other reports.

"This happened in September?" Mulder asked.

"Yes."

"No arrests? Suspects?"

Agent Williams shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "There... there was a
man arrested after he confessed. He is currently in prison in Canyon
City. The man was a transient. Aspen has a big transient population
during the summer months..."

Mulder cut him off with an irritated shake of his head. "This was not
done by a transient." He looked hard at Agent Williams' face. Mulder's
look telling him what he had always suspected. The wrong man was in
prison. Mulder quickly turned towards Scully. "When was she killed? My
guess is she was murdered shortly before she was dumped. Right?"

Scully nodded. "Approximately hour before her body was found."

Mulder continued, "Your UNSUB is a local. Very familiar with the area.
Definitely a white male. Older, probably 40's, with a higher than
average intelligence but an underachiever. He stalked her. When you find
him, you'll find everything that was ever written about her in his
house. I would say he owns his own home. At least a two-story with a
basement. Sits off the street with a long drive or a well treed lot.
Drives a van, older but well-maintained. Not married. Possibly lived
with his mother or an older sister. He's alone now. I'm sure he's had
prior arrests. Nothing as serious as murder. Fondling, flashing, Peeping
Tom."

Both Scully and Agent Williams stared at Mulder, speechless.

"It's all here." he said, nodding his head towards the photos. "He grabs
an older girl in broad daylight. To me this shows comfort in his
surroundings. He lives here and knows the area well. He would need
something big to transport her in. He keeps her alive for three days.
His own house with no roommates or family. He knew exactly what he
wanted. I imagine he fantasized about her. He believed he loved her.
Look at the care he took of the body. Its placement shows that. On a
popular hiking trail where she would be quickly found. Why not the
woods? Or a grave in the mountains? Plus he covered her and bandaged the
damage he did to her body. If he didn't care he would have dumped her
naked body wherever was convenient. The bastard was probably at her
funeral. I believe she was washed, not only to hide evidence because
he's terrified of getting caught, but in it's own sick way it shows
remorse. It was not supposed to end like this. She was supposed to feel
the same about him as he did about her. When he realized she did not, he
felt he had no choice but to kill her. What's the connection with the
current missing girl?" Mulder asked as he pushed the pictures and
reports aside.

Agent Williams pulled out another envelope and drew out pictures of the
latest victim. He held them in his hand, facing away from Mulder and
Scully. Before he laid them out he said, "Let me explain, there are
people out there who don't want to make the connection and admit that
the wrong man was arrested and convicted for the murder of Kaitlin
Henderson. The public was so outraged they just wanted someone arrested."

He placed the photos face up in front of Mulder. "Bryanne Jarman- age
five. Grabbed from the mall while her mother went in to get her
paycheck. Thought the girl had wandered off to use the restroom. Prior
to disappearing she had complained about needing to go."

Scully moved so she could get a better look at the pictures. Mulder
heard her gasp. Except for her hair, the little girl looked very much
like Emily. Mulder's eyes met Scully's briefly before she turned away.
He saw her shoulders sag and her head bow.

"Agent Williams, could you please get us something to drink?" Mulder
asked quietly.

Agent Williams nodded. "Coffee okay?"

"Good."

As Agent Williams turned to retrieve the drinks, Mulder quickly slid his
hand off the armrest and laid it on Scully's shoulder, giving it a
reassuring squeeze. He leaned close and whispered in her ear. "Are you
okay?" His tone was soft and concerned.

Scully raised her head and nodded slowly. She sniffed and wiped her eyes
with the handkerchief he had pressed into her hand.

"It's hard."

Agent Williams placed the coffee in front of them. Before he turned his
attention back to the photos he addressed Scully. He had not missed her
reaction, especially to the younger girl.

"Kids are the worst. I have two daughters at home. Do you have children,
Agent Scully?"

Mulder quickly redirected the conversation. "Why do you think these
cases are connected?"

Scully looked into Mulder's eyes, grateful.

"We think they are related because of the similarities of the two
victims. Long straight blonde hair, parted on the side. Blue eyes. Taken
in daylight. Kind of confused by the age difference and the length of
time between the two abductions."

"But it makes sense." Mulder said. "He was almost caught. His biggest
fear almost became a reality. The hiker that found Kaitlin did just miss
him. It scared him. He was too afraid to try anything again. But his
urge became too great. Or maybe he was incarcerated on a minor offense.
It's something that needs to be looked at. I agree one man is
responsible. I'm afraid he will become bolder with Bryanne. His fear has
subsided to some degree. He has a younger victim that can be more easily
controlled. I have no doubt that he will kill her when he's done with
her. I am almost certain that both victims knew the man. You need to
start rechecking your suspects using the criteria I've outlined."

Every available man was called in to help expedite the search for the
killer/kidnapper. Using Mulder's profile on the killer they began
reviewing people who were questioned in connection with Kaitlin
Henderson's kidnapping and murder. Mulder and Scully rented a car and
went to the Comfort Inn several miles from the airport. Agent Williams
would contact them with the list of suspects once it had been narrowed
down. Mulder hadn't wanted to go to the motel but Scully reminded him
that he had been up for 36 hours straight and she insisted. Her tone
leaving no room for argument.

__________________________

Scully stepped out of the bathroom, disappointed to hear the TV on in
Mulder's room. She gently tapped on the connecting door.

"Mulder?"

He slowly opened the door. His jacket and tie were off, his white shirt
unbuttoned.

"Mulder...please... you need to get some sleep."

"I can't, Scully." He turned away from her, leaving the door open. An
invitation for her to enter.

Scully stepped inside as Mulder flopped onto the bed. He tucked one hand
behind his head and picked up the remote control with the other. She
took a seat in one of the chairs and looked at him, amazed how alert he
looked with no sleep. She had at least gotten some sleep on the flight
from Seattle. He flipped through the channels. Finally, in frustration,
he turned off the TV and tossed the remote aside.

"Mulder, how do you do it?" she asked quietly.

He turned his head and looked at her, puzzled.

"With only a couple pictures..." she shook her head in wonder.

Mulder placed his other hand behind his head and stared at the ceiling.

"It's not hard when you know what to look for." His voice took on a
detached quality. "The crime scene... why that victim... how the victim
died... the body placement... all clues to the killer or killers. No
matter how smart killers think they are... no matter how careful they
try to be, they always leave clues. You just need to be able to see what
you're looking at. All killers have their own special "signature".
Something their sick mind thinks they need to do for emotional
satisfaction. Taking body parts, clothing... whatever. To be a good
profiler you just can't look into their minds, you have to be able to go
to the edge and not be afraid to look over it. That's the only way you
can stop them. It's not just anticipating their next move, you have to
*know* it."

Scully knew Mulder had been heavily recruited for the Violent Crimes
Unit by VICAP founders Robert Ressler, Pierce Brooks and Bill Patterson.
They had carefully watched his career since his acceptance to Quantico
in 1986 after his graduation from Oxford. In 1988 he entered the Violent
Crimes Unit, serving in the new Behavioral Science Unit. "Brilliant" was
the word they all used to describe him. Even "spooky" the way he could,
with the barest of evidence, give a complete profile of the person or
persons. He was rarely wrong, an then, only on the smallest of details.
But after only three years he surprised and disappointed everyone by
resigning to start the X-Files. Scully suspected that his supervisors
allowed him to open the X-Files trying to "humor" him until he returned
to his senses and came back to VCU. After a year of "indulging" him,
their patience had worn thin. On March 6, 1992, she walked into his
basement office with Section Chief Blevins' blessings and desires that
she debunk Mulder's work. She smiled at the irony.

Mulder rolled onto his left side and propped his head on his hand to
look at her.

"Believe me, Scully. It's not my idea of a swell time. Ed Kemper-
remember him?"

Scully thought for a moment. "The 'Co-ed Killer'. He killed and
decapitated fourteen people including his grandparents and mother in
northern California."

Mulder nodded, "Ed was once asked, 'What do you think of when you see a
pretty girl walking down the street?' You know what his answer was?"

Scully cautiously shook her head no.

" 'One side of me says, I'd like to talk to her, to date her. The other
side of me says, I wonder what her head looks like on a stick'"

"Oh my God, Mulder."

She looked at him in horror. Scully leaned forward, moving to the edge
of the chair as she tried to close the distance between herself and
Mulder. She wished she could go to him and wrap her arms around him.

"That's the kind of minds we were asked... required to look into
everyday. You had to throw away your morality... your sanity... your
humanity... learn to think like they did. Every time I stopped to eat,
to sleep... time was running out for the next victim. You don't think I
have a life now..." He laughed a small, humorless laugh. "I had *no*
life. I was nothing more than a conduit between the sane and the insane.
It's not hard to get lost in the darkness. And if you don't have someone
to help you find your way out... Someone who truly cares..." <not like
Diana, he bitterly thought>

His eyes were filled with a sadness and pain that evaporated once they
met hers. She saw gratitude mixed with something else. Something she had
seen many times in his eyes. Something that was reserved just for her.
She knew what it was. Maybe one day he would be able to verbalize it.

___________________

She didn't remember falling asleep, but the shrill ring of the phone
woke her with a start. It was just as well. The nightmares that had
invaded her sleep were cast away the minute her eyes snapped open. She
was still in the chair in Mulder's room. He had taken a blanket off his
bed and wrapped her in it. Mulder was sitting on the bed talking on the
phone, wiping the last of the shaving cream off his face with a towel.
His eyes flicked to hers. She looked anxiously at him. He nodded then
returned his attention back to the caller.

"Directions." He scribbled them on the pad of paper by the phone. "Give
us twenty minutes."

He hung up the phone as Scully untangled herself from the blanket, stood
and stretched. She glanced at her watch, shocked by the lateness. It was
almost noon.

"They've narrowed the list down to four possibles." He rebuttoned his
shirt and reached for his tie. There was no time to change. Before
Scully disappeared into her room she paused and turned towards Mulder.

"Mulder... just know I'm here." She turned before he could respond and
slipped into her room.

______________________

When they entered the conference room at the Aspen Police Department,
the four suspect profiles were laid out with photographs. Besides Agent
Williams, two uniformed Aspen PD officers were seated at the table.
Agent William's made the introductions. The two officers were the
investigating officers on both cases- Officer Beattie and Officer Willetts.

Mulder nodded at the photos, "This all of them?"

"Yes." Agent Williams responded. " Other suspects...dead... jail...
out-of-state."

Mulder pulled off his overcoat and took a seat at the table. Scully took
a seat beside him. The first photo Mulder picked up, Officer Willetts
started to protest.

"I think you're wasting your time on that one."

Scully saw a flash of anger in Officer Beattie's eyes. "Rob, we've been
over this..." He turned to Mulder and Scully. "He knows the guy. The
guy's mother lived next door to his parents for years. Personally... I
don't know... he was too helpful... seemed to be trying too hard." He
looked up to check his partner's response. Officer Willett's eyes were
dark with anger.

"I've known the Lehmans..."

Agent Williams stopped him. "Enough. I think it would be better if you
both waited outside until Agent Mulder and Agent Scully have had time to
review the evidence before them."

Both officers started out the door when Mulder motioned for Officer
Beattie to stay. "I'd like to ask you a couple more questions." Beattie
gave his partner a brief triumphant look.

"How long have you been with the Aspen PD?" Mulder questioned the officer.

"I came on about a year and a half ago from Staten Island. Vacationed
here and liked it. It was nine months after I got here that the
Henderson girl was kidnapped and killed. No offense to my fellow
officers..." his eyes flicked to the closed door, "... but out East you
see this kind of stuff on a daily basis. It's one of the reasons I left.
I think I have more insight and experience with this. The only notoriety
Aspen has ever had is with the murder of skier Spider Savage and Ted
Bundy escaping out the second story court house window."

"Why do you like this guy..." Mulder said, pushing the profile of
Douglas Clayton Lehman toward the officer, "... and not..." he reached
for another man's profile and read the name, "... James Marcus Downey?"

"Downey... he could be ... but..." Officer Beattie looked Mulder in the
eye. "This sounds kind of strange... but my gut feeling is that Lehman
is the one. When you meet him you'll see. He had opportunity. He fits
your profile the best. The guy who did this is local. I had a real
problem with the conviction of Ramon Martinez for Kaitlin's murder." He
looked around nervously and lowered his voice. "They're appealing
Martinez's conviction and his lawyer even contacted me about testifying
for them. The guy could barely speak English. Plus he was a transient.
Where did he stash the girl "alive" for three days? No house, no car, no
witnesses. She would not have willingly gone with him. It has to be
someone known in the community. Someone no one suspects."

Mulder was nodding in agreement. "You said Lehman was too helpful.
Explain that."

"When we were investigating the Henderson case, he was constantly
underfoot. Asking all these questions. Volunteering information. 'He saw
Kaitlin with such and such on this day and that day.' My partner ate it
up. I wasn't buying it and still don't. To me he was trying to take the
heat off himself."

"I see Mr. Lehman works for a janitorial service that rotates from area
businesses to schools."

Officer Beattie nodded, "He has access to these kids. In fact, he was
working at the mall the day Bryanne disappeared and at the school the
day Kaitlin disappeared, too. If you look at the map of the mall..." His
fingers dug through a stack of papers and pulled out the map showing the
layout of the mall. He showed the agents the location of the public
restrooms in relation to one of the outside exits. They were side by side.

"Lehman could have parked the company van right outside the back door.
It would have been so easy for him to grab her. Nobody would have heard
or seen a thing. I requested a search warrant yesterday. As of ...," he
pushed back the sleeve of his uniform, "12:43 no response. Maybe you
could speed things up, being feds and all."

Mulder looked at Scully who stood up, "I'll take care of it."

He watched her leave the room then reached into his jacket pocket and
pulled out his cell phone. His finger quickly moved down the sheet on
Lehman until it located his work number. He rapidly dialed it.

"I'm trying to contact Mr. Douglas Lehman. I see... he called in sick
today." Mulder was out of is chair before he clicked off the phone and
grabbed his overcoat. Both Agent Willliams and Officer Beattie were on
their feet.

"I'll get the car," shouted Officer Beattie as he sprinted out the door.
Mulder heard Officer Beattie yell at his partner to follow.

Mulder shouted at Scully who was standing at a desk with a phone pressed
to her ear. She looked up startled by the sudden commotion.

"There's no time, Scully." He quickly turned to Agent Williams, "Wait
for her." He hit through the double doors at a run.

_______________________

Mulder and the two officers sat in Officer Beattie's personal car in
front of the Lehman house. They did not want to spook Lehman into
hurting Bryanne if he saw a marked patrol car pull up. The house was an
older two story with a basement. As Mulder predicted, it sat far off the
road on a well treed large lot. There was a newly erected wooden privacy
fence that obscured part of the drive and the garage.

"You're familiar with the house Officer Willetts. We need a quick
layout. Doors, windows." Mulder said. "Any dogs..?"

Officer Willetts shook his head no.

"So what's with the fence?"

"But... but we don't have a search warrant," stammered Officer Willetts.
He looked ill.

"Fuck the warrant," snapped Mulder, "I'm sure the courts will be
understanding considering a child's life is in danger. We don't have
time to dick around here."

Officer Willetts quickly diagrammed the entrances and exits to the house.

"I want you to go to the front door, Officer Willetts, since he knows
you. Officer Beattie, you're younger than me, take the rear door over
the fence. I'll take the door off the balcony. Let's go."

The trees provided cover as Mulder and Officer Beattie moved into
position. A big elm with large spreading limbs allowed Mulder to climb
up to the balcony door with little difficulty. He heard Officer Willetts
knocking on the door.

"Mr. Lehman? Mr. Lehman?"

From inside the house Mulder heard footsteps running toward him. He
pressed his body against the side of the house. He saw the curtains on
the door move back and a frightened face peer out. Before the man had
time to turn, Mulder pressed his gun against the door pane and swung
into view.

"FBI! FREEZE!"

The man startled and stumbled back away from the door. He tripped and
fell on his back as Mulder broke through the door, "I said FREEZE!"

The man was whimpering and crying while he tried to push himself across
the floor on his back.

Mulder leaned over the man and grabbed him roughly by his wet shirt
front, lifting him towards him. Mulder noticed with disgust and rage
that the man's zipper was unzipped.

"WHERE IS SHE?" Mulder screamed.

The man continued to babble and cry.

Mulder heard two sets of footsteps racing up the stairs toward them.
Both officers appeared in the doorway breathing hard.

"Did you see her?" The officers shook their heads no.

"Here," Mulder practically lifted Lehman off the ground with one hand.
He pushed him towards Officer Willetts. "You talk to him."

"I'll take the basement," Officer Beattie quickly turned and ran down
the stairs.

Mulder searched from room to room. In one of the bedrooms a piece of
bright colored cloth sticking out from under the bed caught his eye. He
grabbed it. It was a little girl's flowered jumper. Mulder flung himself
on the floor and peered under the bed. No Bryanne. He quickly ran his
eyes around the room. A wet trail led from what appeared to be a
bathroom to the closet door. He yanked the door open with both hands and
looked in. In the darkness he almost missed her under the clothes that
had been hastily thrown on top of her. He threw the clothes aside and
quickly gathered her naked, wet body in his arms. He laid her limp body
on the bed, carefully wrapping her in a blanket. He felt for a pulse
while his hand dug into his pocket for his cell phone. He pounded out 911.

"This is Special Agent Mulder from the FBI. I need an ambulance sent to
822 Bleeker Street immediately. I have a five year old female victim.
Not breathing. No pulse. Pale skin. Bluish-gray around the mouth.
Possible drowning victim. I'm starting CPR now."

Officer Beattie appeared in the doorway. Frightened and angry eyes
watched as Mulder frantically tried to revive the little girl. In the
distance, the reassuring sound of the sirens could be heard. Once Mulder
got a faint pulse he gathered Bryanne in his arms and rushed down the
stairs and out of the house to meet the approaching ambulance.

______________________

Nothing could have prepared Mulder for the spectacle that was unfolding
in front of the Lehman house. The news crew was already waiting. Cameras
were rolling as he rushed toward the ambulance. The paramedics met him
halfway, taking the girl from Mulder's arms and rushing her through the
open ambulance doors. A split second later the ambulance sped away,
sirens wailing. A car screeched to a stop in the spot vacated by the
ambulance. The car door flung open and Scully bounded from the vehicle,
running toward Mulder. She was stopped as a reporter cut in front of her
and shoved a microphone at Mulder. Scully pushed the reporter aside and
took Mulder's arm, leading him away. On the porch of the Lehman house,
Officer Beattie and Officer Willetts appeared escorting Douglas Lehman
out. His hands were cuffed and each officer tightly gripped an arm.
Lehman cringed when he saw the reporters and started backing toward the
house. The reporters attention was now fully directed towards him and
the officers. They swarmed toward the porch giving Scully time to lead
Mulder toward the car. Scully opened the door for him and gave him a
gentle push into the passenger seat of the vehicle. She caught Agent
Williams attention, pointed at Mulder and mouthed the word "motel". She
slid into the driver's seat and drove quickly away from the Lehman
house. She cast a quick look at Mulder. His eyes were staring straight
ahead while his jaw clenched and unclenched. She could almost feel the
adrenaline radiating from his body.

"Mulder, it's over," she said gently.

He swallowed hard and looked at her. He seemed to deflate in front of
her. Whatever reserve energy he was running on was gone. He closed his
eyes and leaned his head against the head rest.

Scully helped him from the car into his motel room, pulling off his
overcoat and jacket before he fell face first onto the bed. She took off
his shoes and covered him with a blanket. She watched him sleep for
several minutes, reassured that he would not wake until she returned
from the Lehman house.

__________________________

The man hunched in front of the small color television set. His large
frame spilled over the small wooden stool he sat on. Because of the
mountains the reception was poor, but he had learned to live with it for
a long time. White lines cut across the screen. The color faded in and
out and at times the static roared so loud it drowned out the sound. He
held his plate balanced on one hand, chin resting on the edge, and
slowly shoveled food into his mouth. He chewed carefully, more
interested in what was being played out on the television than the bland
food he was eating. He reached out and turned up the volume.

"Credited with saving the life of little Bryanne Jarman is Special Agent
Fox Mulder from the F.B.I."

They cut away from the petite brunette reporter to a clip of a tall,
dark-haired handsome man carrying a small girl held protectively in his
arms. The camera followed him out the door of the house, as the man's
long legs carried the child quickly to the waiting arms of the paramedics.

What struck the man watching was the coat the man was wearing. The long
dark overcoat flowed behind him like a cape. Just like Superman. Just
like Batman.

He had finally found his savior.

_____________________________

Mulder woke with a groan and flipped onto his back. He looked at his
watch. It was 10:30.

"Night?" he asked Scully who was seated by his bed.

She shook her head no, "Day."

"Which day?" he asked cautiously.

"Mulder, you've been asleep for about 19 hours."

Mulder pushed himself into a sitting position and rested his back
against the headboard.

"Nineteen hours. Damn, Scully, I must be good-looking after all that
beauty rest."

She smiled then her eyes grew serious, "There's a press conference
scheduled for 4:00 today. They would like us to be there. Mulder, only
if you're feeling up for it. The Jarmans want to meet you."

"How's the little girl?"

"She'll... she'll be okay. Mulder, you saved her life." There was pride
and respect in her voice.

Mulder got off the bed and slowly headed for the bathroom.

Scully waited until she heard the shower shut off. She crossed the room
to the closed door and knocked on it lightly.

"Mulder? Are you hungry? Do you want me to call room ser..."

The door jerked open. She was hit in the face by a blast of hot, moist
air, her nose inches from Mulder's bare chest. The clean fresh smell of
soap mixed faintly with his scent filled her nostrils. A white towel was
wrapped low around his hips. She took a step backward.

"What did you say?" He was fiercely rubbing a smaller towel in his wet
hair.

"Food, Mulder. Are you hungry?"

He dropped the smaller towel on the floor then stepped around her. He
picked up his suitcase, threw it on the bed and flipped it open.

"Yeah, I could eat."

She retreated to the safety of her chair. He pulled out several shirts,
sniffing them then tossing them aside. "When do we leave? I'm running
out of clean clothes."

"Our flight leaves tomorrow night. 'Red eye' into DC."

Mulder continued to sort through his clothes until he had a small pile.
He turned toward his partner, "Scully, you can either turn away or see
the biggest disappointment of your life. It's kind of cold in here." he
smiled sheepishly.

Mulder saw her face redden before she turned away. He didn't try to hide
his smile.

____________________________

"Pull in here." Mulder pointed to a parking space. "Let's walk."

Scully noticed Mulder frequently looking at his watch. She knew he
didn't want to attend the press conference. Mulder preferred to keep a
low profile. He did his work and he did a good job. He thought that
should be enough.

Mulder had dismissed every restaurant Scully had pointed out as they
walked through the streets of Aspen. Finally he grabbed Scully's arm and
quickly looked in both directions before he dragged her across the
street and headed for a fifties theme restaurant sitting on a corner.
She should have known. The life-sized Elvis in the window was a dead
give away. Mulder's eyes lit up when he entered the restaurant. There
was black and white tile on the floor. Poodle skirts, leather jackets,
photos of James Dean and other memorabilia decorated the walls. He slid
into a booth. Each booth had mini jukeboxes on the table.

"Quarters, Scully. Do you have any quarters?"

She smiled. He could be such a little boy. She picked out the quarters
and slid them over to him.

"Any preference? Big Bopper? Buddy Holly? Little Richard? 'The King'?"

"How about the Big Bopper? 'Chantilly Lace'?"

He leaned across the table and purred, "Oh Baby, you know what I like."

Mulder tapped his fingers to the song while he looked over the menu.

After they ordered he continued to play song after song, entertaining
Scully with his best Jerry Lee Lewis imitation during "Great Balls of
Fire." She couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so hard. It
felt good. Especially after the two long grueling weeks they had spent
in Seattle and now in Aspen. This was a nice respite from work and the
restraint they were required to conform to while working. She wiped the
tears from her eyes. Mulder's eyes were sparkling. He smiled at Scully.
The smile, genuine and conveying something more... almost a gratitude
for being there... for caring... for staying.

The waitress looked at them as she placed the food on the table. She
paused and started to say something to Mulder as if she recognized him.
Instead she gave him a quick smile and left. After they finished eating
and all the quarters were gone. Mulder picked up the check.

"Too bad the prices aren't from the fifties." He looked at his watch and
sighed. "It's almost time. Do you mind if we walk?"

Scully shook her head no.

They had walked several blocks when he said, "I need to know it all,
Scully." He stepped in front of her and stopped so he could see her
face. "I need to know what he did to her."

The smile that Scully carried from the restaurant faded. She lowered her
eyes and swallowed. "Fortunately..." her eyes found Mulder's, "when I
spoke to the Jarmans briefly at the hospital they told me Bryanne
couldn't remember anything." She continued wistfully, "For her sake, I
hope it remains that way."

__________________________

Mulder's introduction to the press was followed by loud and enthusiastic
applause. He took a step to the podium, looking slightly embarrassed and
uncomfortable. With a quick, subtle hand gesture he motioned Scully to
his side. It was nice to see Mulder get the recognition he deserved
instead of ridicule. He fielded a number of questions from the press
before turning them over to Officer Beattie, giving him most of the
credit for the arrest and underplaying the FBI's involvement.

He took Scully by the elbow and slowly moved her toward the door.

"Let's get out of here," he whispered in Scully's ear.

Mulder placed one hand on the exit door and the other hand at the small
of Scully's back, starting to guide her out the door, when a voice
stopped him.

"Agent Mulder. Agent Scully. Please wait."

Scully immediately recognized the voice as Susan Jarman's.

Mrs. Jarman smiled a tight, strained smile at Scully then looked at
Mulder and introduced herself. "Susan Jarman." She took his hand. "My
husband and I can't thank you enough. If it weren't for you..." Her
voice caught, "that monster would have killed her. My husband wanted to
be here and thank you himself, but he's at the hospital with Bryanne."
She glanced fearfully back at the open door of the press conference. "Do
you mind if we step outside? I don't want the press around. They don't
know I'm here. I only came here to meet you and thank you in person."

Mulder held the door open for her and Scully. "She still doesn't
remember anything," Mrs. Jarman said in a hushed whisper. Her eyes were
wide with fright. Terrified of the idea that one day her daughter would
remember and have to relive what Douglas Lehman had done to her. Once
again she felt like she could not protect her daughter. She felt like a
failure.

"Will she remember, Agent Mulder? Do you think... do victims..."

Mulder was shaking his head, "Mrs. Jarman...", he said gently.

"I'm sorry. How could you possibly know."

"Mrs. Jarman, I'm sure there are some excellent Victims Support Groups
that could help..." said Scully.

Mrs. Jarman started to shake. Tears welled in her eyes and spilled down
her face. "Why us? Why my little girl? Does that bastard realize what he
has done to her life? To our lives? Nothing will ever be the same.
Ever." Her sorrow quickly turned to anger. "I don't mean to sound
selfish. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If these bastards had any sense
of decency they'd do everyone a favor and kill themselves before they
harmed another person."

A glint of sunlight caught the gold cross on Scully's neck.

"I'm sorry, Agent Scully, that was not a very Christian thing to say."
Mrs. Jarman said, "but I don't feel very Christian at the moment." She
glance at her watch, "I need to get back to the hospital."

She paused to hug each agent hard. "Thank you so much. Will you be back
for the trial?"

"If need be." Scully answered. Mrs. Jarman nodded. "If not, I will let
you know how Bryanne is doing."

"Please."

Scully and Mulder stood frozen in place for several moments after Mrs.
Jarman left. Mulder sighed and looked at Scully.

"Ready?"

She could only nod.

________________________

Scully awoke with a start.

"Sorry" said Mulder as he finished pulling the report from her hand.

She rubbed her eyes and stretched with a small groan. She looked at her
watch. It was 2:00 am. Mulder took a seat back on the bed. He sat
cross-legged on it as he began typing furiously again.

"Go on, Scully. Go get some sleep."

She shook her head. "No, Mulder. Let's wrap this up today and have a day
to ourselves."

He stopped typing. A smile touched his lips as he mused, " A day to
ourselves. What a concept. Should I mark it on the calendar as a
'first'? Call Ripley's Believe it or Not... You have anything in mind?"

Scully ignored his lecherous grin.

"As a matter of fact I do. Maroon Bells. I want to go there. I remember
seeing it as a child when we moved to San Diego." Her eyes sparkled,
"It's an amazing place. Have you ever been there?"

Mulder shook his head."Nope. I remember vacations like seeing the
three-legged, two-headed calf.... largest ball of string..."

"Mulder..." she said, stopping his lies.

"Okay, okay. Those were the vacations *I* wanted to go on, but I was
always outvoted three to one."

He stopped typing. "Done." He closed up the laptop. "Sounds good to me,
Scully." He got off the bed and crossed to her. He took one of her
hands, pulled her out of the chair and led her to the connecting door.
"You plan the day. We can call it 'Dana and Fox's Most Excellent
Adventure'."

She laughed. "Good night, Mulder."

"Good night, Scully."
____________________________

Scully woke late. It was almost 10:00. Too late for breakfast but still
too early for lunch. She knocked on Mulder's door. No answer. After she
had finished showering and dressing she heard his door open and close.
Scully knocked on the connecting door again.

"Mulder?"

He opened it, red-faced and out of breath. Sweat rolled off his face.
His gray T-shirt was stained around the collar, under his arms and
across the front and back. He motioned her into his room, then bent over
and hung onto his jogging shorts. She looked at him concerned.

"Are you...?"

"Al... altitude." He gasped, then dramatically collapsed spread-eagle on
the bed and closed his eyes.

"Altitude... Are you sure it's not age?"

One eye popped open and looked at her, then closed. "Don't make me come
over there and hurt you, Scully."

She stood up and crossed to his bed. "Mulder, we have only seven hours
before our plane leaves. And I would really like to see the sights
before we leave. Do you want me...?"

"No... Scully." He pushed to the edge of the bed and started pulling off
his shoes and socks. "At least let me shower."

Mulder stood and slowly headed for the bathroom, pulling his sweaty
T-shirt over his head. When he reached for his shorts he heard the door
to Scully's room quickly close. 
____________________________

They dropped off their reports at the Aspen Police Department, then
slowly walked through the streets of Aspen. Scully ducked in to several
stores while Mulder found a place to sit and enjoy the Colorado afternoon.

When Scully returned with sandwiches and drinks, she found Mulder
sitting on a park bench. His arms were stretched out along the back of
the bench, his head tilted back, eyes closed. His overcoat lay draped
beside him. His eyes slowly opened when he heard her approach. Mulder
sighed. The weather was beautiful. Sunny. Warm. He sat up, making room
for her to slide in next to him. Scully took out the sandwiches and drinks.

She passed Mulder his sandwich, "Corned beef on rye..."

And then his drink, "Root beer, right?"

His head jerked up.

"Relax, it's an ice tea. Mulder, did I just see your panic face?"

He smiled, remembering one of their first times on a stakeout together.
Scully had never made that mistake again.

While eating, Mulder nodded his head toward an old brick building
sitting on the corner.

He swallowed. "See that building?"

Scully looked in the direction he indicated. The outside sign proclaimed
it to be the Pitkin County Courthouse. She nodded and looked at Mulder
to continue.

Mulder pointed toward a second story window.

"On June 6, 1977, Theodore Robert Bundy jumped from that window to five
days of freedom. When his defense lawyer heard of the escape he
exclaimed, 'Never have I ever had a client show so little faith in my
argument.'"

Mulder paused to take a drink, before he continued.

"Because of his escape, Bundy became an instant Aspen celebrity. One
Aspenite even named her horse after him saying, 'I know he'll know how
to run.' Ted even joined in the fun by joking, 'Did anyone see who it
was that pushed me out the window?' T-shirts were sold..."

Mulder shook his head. "I'm not sure what's more frightening, Scully, a
man who appears to have everything going for him ... intelligence,
looks... who can rape and kill women and children with no remorse, or
the seemingly sane people who buy the T-shirts, joke about the horror or
send love letters to a man who could have slaughtered over fifty people."

Scully stared long and hard at Mulder before saying, "Mulder, you really
know how to make a girl feel special."

She rewrapped her half-eaten sandwich and threw it in the trash can.
"Come on. You promised we could see Maroon Bells before we left." She
looked at her watch. "We can make the next shuttle bus if we hurry." She
turned and started walking toward the car. Mulder looked from her to his
unfinished food.

"Wait, Scully!" he called out to her. "I'm not taking you up there in
those shoes. With all these stores you couldn't find anything practical..."

His voice trailed off as she disappeared around the corner.
____________________________

Mulder and Scully picked up the shuttle bus from Rubey Park and settled
in their seats for the short trip to Maroon Bells. There were only a
couple other people on the bus, leaving Mulder room enough to sprawl out
in a row of seats.

"Are you tired, Mulder? Sure you want to do this?"

He nodded, "I'm okay, Scully. Just getting ready for the thin air. I'd
hate for you to have to carry me back."

After a quick fifteen minute ride they arrived. The bus pulled into a
large paved parking lot. As they exited the bus, the driver handed
Mulder a map.

"Here's a map of the area. It shows all the trails, including their
distances and length of time for each hike. Please keep track of the
time. The last shuttle bus will leave here at 6:00."

Mulder started to open the map when Scully snatched it from his hand.
Watching Mulder refold a map was just too painful to watch. She finished
opening the map and pointed to a well-marked trail.

"Let's start here." She refolded the map and slipped it into her pocket.

They started down the trail when almost immediately they had an elevated
view of Maroon Bells and the Maroon Bells Peaks reflected in the water.
Scully reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a camera. Mulder
looked at her in amazement.

"A camera? Scully, you really are serious about playing tourist."

"Here," she took him by the arm and positioned him with the mountains in
the background. She stepped back. "Come on, Mulder. Smile."

He was shaking is head no. He had his hands pushed deep into his
pockets, shifting his weight from foot to foot like an impatient child.
"Scully, it's too frightening. I look like I'm constipated when I smile."

"Well, pretend you just drank a whole bottle of mineral oil."

She took the picture just as he laughed.

"Okay. Your turn, Scully. No, wait..."

A man had just appeared on the trail. Mulder held out the camera. "Would
you mind?"

The man smiled and took the camera from Mulder's hand. Mulder stepped
back and took his place beside Scully. He opened his coat up for her to
slip an arm around him then placed his arm across her shoulders and
pulled her close.

"Just push the black button on top." Scully instructed the man.

"Could you take two?" Mulder asked.

For the second picture, Mulder moved his hand off her shoulders and
placed two fingers behind her head. The old rabbit ears trick. The man
laughed and handed the camera back to Mulder. Scully looked suspiciously
from the man to Mulder as she quickly ran her fingers through her hair,
feeling for any foreign objects.

"Thanks." Mulder said to the man.

"My pleasure." The man replied before heading down the trail.

"Okay, Scout..." Mulder said, turning his attention back to Scully.
"Where do we go now? Sure you don't want me to leave bread crumbs ... or
maybe sunflower seeds so we can find out way back?"

She made a face at him, "We stay north."

They both stopped to take another look at the view.

"That's Pyramid Peak," Mulder said, pointing to one peak. "South Maroon
Peak and North Maroon Peak." His finger pointed out each spectacular peak.

Scully pulled out the map and looked from the map to the peaks. "You're
right, Mulder. Have you ever thought about going on 'Jeopardy'? You
could make a fortune."

"Depends on how you like your men, Scully. Smart and rich or paranoid
and poor?"

"I'll take paranoid and poor every time."

Mulder smiled and nodded. "Good girl."

Scully and Mulder started down the steps, taking the trail along the
north shore of the lake. They continued along the path until they
reached the footbridge over Maroon Creek. After they crossed the creek
and headed upstream to a second footbridge they came upon a beautiful
waterfall. They took turns taking each others picture on the bridge.
They paused side by side to look at the view before continuing on.

"It's hard to imagine, but I bet it's even more beautiful in the fall
when the aspens are changing colors." Scully said.

"Then we should come back."

She looked at him. "I'd like that," she said quietly.

" I would, too." He answered, then surprised her by placing his hand
over hers. She looked from her covered hand to his face, but he was
focused on the view. Finally his eyes met hers. His eyes were clear, his
face unlined. He gave her hand a light squeeze before removing it off of
hers.

"Better keep going before it starts getting dark. Looks like something's
blowing in, too."

After crossing the bridge, Mulder and Scully took the left trail
upstream. Taking the left branch they circled the pond and returned back
to the bridge and waterfall. They headed right to the far end of the
meadow. The trail continued on through an aspen forest and past the head
of Maroon Lake to another trail. Taking the right fork they continued on
up the Maroon-Snowmass Trail. They picked their way through a boulder
field then, after a short distance, had a view overlooking Crater Lake.

They sat together on a rocky outcropping overlooking Crater Lake with
the high colorful peaks mirrored in the lake. Mulder had his long legs
drawn up to his chin. He casually picked up rocks and lobbed them into
the lake. This was heaven. Sitting before, and with, the most beautiful
sights God had ever created.

Scully glanced at her watch, "Better head back." Her voice sounded sad
and disappointed.

Mulder reached for her hand to help her up. "Don't worry, Scully. We can
always come back." He said as he brushed the dirt from his overcoat.

She smiled a sad knowing smile. When? There never seemed to be time for
personal things. Work consumed both their lives completely.
__________________________

"Mulder, we're going to miss our flight."

"Scully, the airport is only four miles away." He stopped to place both
hands on her shoulders. "Relax. We have plenty of time. Besides, I put
the bags in the trunk earlier."

She frowned. How many times had she heard that from Mulder as they
dashed through airport after airport with Mulder urging her to to "get
her little legs moving."

"I'm going to go check out. You go get the car."

"Yes, Dear." Mulder said.

Scully stopped to look at him. It was going to be good to get home.

Mulder dashed from the overhang of the motel to the rental car. The rain
was coming down in sheets. With the temperature rapidly dropping, it
would not be long before it changed to sleet then snow. Thankfully the
airport was close.

The light was out in the parking lot causing him to fumble in the dark
for the door lock. He distinctly remembered parking in this particular
space because of the light. He turned the key and grabbed the handle.
The door was locked. Damn. He must have turned the key the wrong way.
After all the Taurus cars they had rented... He slid into the driver's
seat and bent forward to put the key in the ignition. Where were the
interior lights?

Mulder paused. There was a sick, sweet smell in the car. Suddenly things
clicked... the lights... the door. His hand instinctively reached for
his weapon, pulling his gun out of the holster in one fluid motion. But
he was a split second too late. The butt of a gun caught him on the
corner of the jaw, slamming his head against the driver's side window
with a thud. Lights danced in front of his eyes. He felt a weight press
against the back of his seat, leaning over his body. His gun was pulled
from his limp hand and thrown into the back seat. A heavy gauge wire was
looped around his neck, jerking him upright. Mulder gagged as the wire
pulled tight, his hands reaching for his throat, frantically trying to
work his fingers under the wire.

His knees banged hard against the steering wheel as he struggled to free
himself. The headrest had been pushed to its highest position. The man
wrapped the wire around the headrest, snubbing Mulder to it. The edges
of Mulder's vision started to darken; he was going to pass out. Blood;
warm and sticky, started to seep out where the wire bit into his tender
flesh. It trickled down his neck, staining his collar. The man's
unshaven face leaned so close it scratched against Mulder's face.

"Don't pass out or I'll kill you here." He whispered. His voice low and
dangerous. The man's breath was rancid. It smelled of decayed and
decaying teeth. The man leaned back slightly and placed his gun against
Mulder's temple. Mulder blinked hard and tried to swallow but the wire
was too tight. He ran a quick tongue over his suddenly dry lips.

"Hands... on... the ... steering... wheel." With each word he tapped the
gun barrel hard against Mulder's head. Mulder flinched with each blow.
He obediently placed his hands on the steering wheel, his hands
clenching and unclenching on it. Mulder stiffened as the man leaned
across the back seat to retrieve the dropped keys and put them into the
ignition. Mulder was breathing hard. His body was wired with adrenaline,
fear and anger. His heart was pounding, sending waves of pain radiating
from his jaw and head.

"Drive."

Mulder paused, then slid a hand off the wheel to start the car.

"Where?" Mulder choked out. His throat hurt.

"Drive." The man gestured with the gun toward the rear entrance.

Scully stood inside the manager's office. She impatiently looked at her
watch. Where the hell was Mulder? It was taking too long for him to
bring the car around. She stepped outside and walked close to the
outside wall, under the safety of the overhang. Her pace started to
quicken, until she was running. Something was wrong. If she had been a
step quicker, she would have seen the tail lights of their rental car
driving out of the back entrance.

Scully skidded around the corner and ran out into the lot. Her shoes
splashed water high onto her pants. She stood in the middle of the lot,
turning a full 360 degree circle. Her hair was plastered flat on her
head. Water ran off her coat in small streams. Her eyes frantically
searched through the darkness and rain for any sign of her partner. He
was gone.

"MULDER!" She screamed. 

_________________________________

Mulder was having a difficult time driving. Besides the rain that was
turning to sleet, the darkness and a pounding headache that threatened
to cause him to lose consciousness at any minute, the roads were
unfamiliar and winding as they climbed higher into the mountains.

As they passed a well-lit convenience store, Mulder ventured a quick
glance in the rear view mirror. He did not recognize him nor could he
understand why he had been taken. If the man had wanted to kill him, he
could have easily done that back in the motel parking lot. He obviously
wanted something from Mulder. The man caught Mulder looking at him and
stared back with eyes that had long since lost any trace of reason or
rational thought. Thank God he had gotten the man away from the motel
and Scully. At least she was safe. He saw traces of exhaustion,
desperation and a rage that caused him to shiver.

"Why?" Mulder asked.

"Because..." the man's voice starting out wearily but growing louder and
angrier. "Because you saved her. Now it's my turn. It's been my turn for
twenty eight years and no one came to help. I had to come to them and
they still wouldn't help. But they paid. They all were made to pay for
not listening. For not hearing. For not caring. The fools. If they
didn't care about me why in the hell did they think I would give a damn
about them and their families."

The man's next sentence turned Mulder's blood to ice.

"Begging for their lives... as if *I* cared."

The man's voice lowered until Mulder couldn't make out his words. Maybe
it was for the better. The man was clearly insane. Mulder shifted his
weight in the seat trying to get comfortable. The wire pinched his neck
with the slightest movement. His shoulders and back ached from not being
able to move. The smell in the car was making him nauseous. He needed
some air. His fingers crawled along the door panel and pushed the window
button. Mulder heard the man quickly move forward as the window rolled
down.

"I just need some air to stay awake."

Satisfied, the man leaned back in his seat.

How in the hell was he going to get out of this? 

_________________________

As Mulder tried to readjust his position he felt something in his coat
pocket. His cell phone. The man hadn't searched his overcoat. Mulder's
left hand slowly slid off the steering wheel and carefully found his
phone. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest it hurt. Timing was
everything. The higher they went into the mountains the less chance of
phone reception, especially with the storm moving in.

He pulled the phone half way out of his pocket and speed-dialed Scully's
number, turning the ringer as low as it would go. With the rain changed
to sleet, wipers on high, and the heater blowing, he doubted the man
could hear from the back seat. Mulder checked the man in the rear view
mirror. He was slumped to one side and appeared to be trying to sleep.
Mulder moved his hand back onto the steering wheel and rested it on the
horn. He faintly heard Scully answer the phone on the second ring and
hit the horn hard, drowning out Scully's voice. The sound startled the
man and he come over the seat punching and screaming at Mulder.

"DAMN YOU! YOU BASTARD! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO BE QUIET
WHEN I 'M TRYING TO SLEEP??!!"

Blows struck Mulder on the right side of his head, shoulder and arm. The
car swerved wildly on the slick pavement. He fought to maintain control
of the car. Mulder quickly pulled his foot off the accelerator and hit
the brakes. The brakes screeched as he hit them too hard. He gently
steered and braked until he had the car under control on the side of the
road.

"A deer," Mulder gasped. He had to give Scully some kind of idea where
he was. "There are a lot of deer in the mountains. Ever since we started
up Independence Pass I've seen several. I have to stop." Blood dripped
down his face and off his chin from a cut above his eye and a split lip.
He could feel sweat roll down his sides. His hands were shaking not only
form the fear of realizing how close they came to going over the edge,
but his anger was becoming more difficult to keep in check.

"NO! We're almost there. Keep driving."

Mulder opened his mouth to argue but quickly closed it and placed his
foot back on the accelerator. They slowly crept up the pass. It was now
snowing and coming down harder by the minute. 

_______________________

Scully grabbed her phone and answered. A horn blared in her ear followed
by a man screaming "Damn you! You bastard! How many times..." She waved
her free arm at the surrounding officers motioning them to be quiet. She
listened in horror as she heard a struggle punctuated with cries of
pain. They were Mulder's. In the background, she could hear brakes
squealing on the slick pavement, and Mulder's curses as he fought to
regain control of the vehicle. Scully heard his breaths coming fast and
hard. Then his voice telling her they were on Independence Pass. Pain,
fear and anger were evident in his voice. The anger scared her most of
all. She had heard the man's voice. She had heard the insanity and fury
in his words. She knew the man would kill Mulder without a moments
hesitation. He needed to be careful.

Scully covered the phone. "Independence Pass. Hurry! Get every man up
there now!"

"I'm coming," Scully whispered to him. 

__________________

"WHAT IS HE DOING?" Scully screamed as she opened the car door, before
the vehicle had stopped, and stumbled toward the snow plow operator who
was tugging the heavy orange 'Road Closed' gates closed.

"Agent Scully..." Agent Williams called out to her, trying to stop her.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Her feet slipped on the slick pavement.

"The pass is closed." The man said as he pulled the other half of the
gate and padlocked it.

Scully grabbed her ID and badge and shoved them at the man.

"OPEN THE GATES! OPEN THEM NOW!"

The man looked from her to Agent Williams who now stood next to Scully.
A number of police cruisers had pulled in behind Agent Williams' car.
Their blue and red lights flashed against the rocks and snow covered
pavement. Smoke curled from the tailpipes as their wipers slapped loudly
in the night as they waited.

"Listen..." the man looked fearfully from Scully and Agent Williams to
the police cars. "I don't know what's going on here but FBI or not,
there is no way you're getting up that pass. I just came up over it.
Barely made it."

Her hand shot out and grabbed the man's arm, startling him. "Did you see
anyone? A car?"

The man was fiercely shaking his head 'no' as he tried to pull away from
her. "There's no one up there. I didn't see anything. No vehicles. No
tracks. Nothing. Who in the hell would be crazy enough to try and drive
the pass while it's snowing?" Scully's hand fell off the man's arm. She
turned toward Agent Williams. "Then we'll wait here until the storm
breaks."

"Agent Scully, not being from this area, you don't understand..." He
shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. "Independence Pass is
only open four or five months out of the whole year. If the wind starts
blowing... we're not talking about waiting days or even weeks but months."

"Months?!" Scully placed her hand over her mouth. Her eyes grew wide
with horror. She quickly withdrew her hand. "There has to be another
way." Her eyes hardened with determination. "I can't... I will not
accept that. Mulder... my partner's up there. I can't sit back... I won't."

"You have no choice." He turned away from her and approached the line of
police cars. He spoke briefly to each driver and then stepped back as
they all turned their car around and headed back toward Aspen. Tears
stung her eyes as she watched each car leave. She walked over to the
closed gates and placed both hands on the barricade looking up toward
the dark looming pass.

<Oh God, Mulder>

She said squeezing her eyes shut. Her hair started to dance around her
face as the wind started to blow. 

_______________________

Mulder stopped the car. They could go no further. Visibility was too
poor to continue.

"Keep it running." The man instructed Mulder. "Pull it right to the
edge." He cut Mulder loose from the headrest. Mulder's hand started to
reach for his throat.

"Dammit! Did I tell you you could move your hand? Did I?!" He shoved the
gun against the back of Mulder's head, forcing it down, pinning it
against the steering wheel.

As his forehead was pushed into the steering wheel Mulder clenched his
teeth. This guy was really starting to piss him off.

"Open your door slowly and step out." He released the gun off Mulder's
head.

Mulder slowly turned his head and looked out the window into the snowy
night. There was nothing out there. Nowhere to run.    

=============================================================  

Part 2

"STOP! Go back.."

Scully lowered her cell phone and pointed back to the convenience store
they had just passed as they returned to Aspen. After Mulder's call she
had lost contact with him. Static followed by dead air. Silence. Agent
Williams obediently backed the car up and turned into the parking lot.
There were two employees standing behind the counter watching
television. Scully stepped up to the counter and flashed her ID and
badge to the woman who had stepped up to wait on her. The woman reached
her hand out and tugged on her fellow worker's sleeve.

"Did either of you see a car drive by within the last thirty to
forty-five minutes? A green Ford Taurus with at least two people in it,
heading up the Pass?"

"Not me," the woman said shaking her head. I just got here.

"I did." The young man said eager to help. "It was around 8:30. Wendy
and I couldn't believe anyone would be trying the Pass in this weather.
We kind of watched to see if it came back. Never saw it. Dumb ass must
gone off the road and gotten stuck."

"Man or woman driving?"

He shook his head, "Couldn't say for sure but thought it was a man.
Looked to be too tall for a woman. Didn't see anyone else in the car.
Couldn't even tell you the make of car or if it was American or foreign.
They're all starting to look alike but it was green."

As Scully reached into her pocket for something to write with, her hand
touched two small plastic containers. She fingered the objects. It was
the undeveloped film from her and Mulder's trip to Maroon Bells. She
found her pen and pulled it out and wrote down all the information the
man could provide.

"The woman that was on-duty with you. Is there anyway I can reach her?"

The man shook his head. "Not tonight. She said she was going to stay
with friends because of the weather. Not sure which friends she was
talking about. But she'll be in tomorrow morning. I think at 11:00."

Scully thanked them and headed for the door. She paused and withdrew the
film from her pocket. "Do you do film developing?"

The woman nodded.

"How fast can I get these back?"

"If you want to pay extra we could have them back by lunch tomorrow."

Agent Williams called the owner of the Hertz Rental Car Agency at the
airport and talked him into opening up so Scully could get another
rental car. The man did not look happy about coming in after closing,
especially in the bad weather.

"I hope I get this one back, " the man muttered under his breath as they
left.

ONE HOUR PRIOR...

"Reach in and release the brake."

Mulder leaned back in the car and pulled the brake release.

The man waved the gun at Mulder, motioning him to the rear of the car.

"Get behind it and push."

Mulder laid both hands on the trunk and paused, "You realize this is
taxpayer's money..." The man leveled the gun at Mulder. Mulder shrugged
his shoulders then started pushing, once slipping on the slick pavement,
almost knocking his chin on the trunk. He strained until he felt the
front wheels jump the edge of the pavement and then ever so slowly
angled down, until gravity caught it and pulled it over the edge. Mulder
bent over with his hands on his knees, breathing hard. The cold air
stung his lungs. He listened as the car crashed through the trees and
finally stopped.

<Damn. His favorite Knicks t-shirt was packed inside his suitcase in the
trunk.>

He started to straighten up when the man suddenly slammed Mulder in the
back, knocking him to his knees and then face, down into the cold snowy
ground.

"Dammit!" Mulder yelled out, his cries muffled by the snow. The man
drove a knee into his back and roughly pulled each arm behind his back
and retied Mulder's hands. He dragged Mulder to his feet and drove the
barrel of the gun into his back. Taking his free hand he grabbed
Mulder's shoulder and directed him up the Pass.

"Move."

Mulder had his head down, trying to protect his face from the wind and
blowing snow. His head suddenly jerked up. He heard a sound. A low
rumbling sound. The man caught Mulder's bound hands and yanked him back
hard enough to almost pull him off his feet. Mulder took a quick step
back, catching himself before he fell. The man continued to drag him
backwards until he was stopped by the rocky side of the pass. He pulled
Mulder close and wrapped a tight arm around his neck, pressing the
barrel of the gun into his ear. The rumbling grew louder and louder.
Finally bright lights cut through the snowy haze. A large orange
snowplow loomed across the road like a surreal monster. it's huge V plow
on the front almost taking up both sides of the narrow pass. Snow flew
off the edges of the blade, throwing snow like a white fountain onto
both sides of the road. As it passed, the noise was so loud it hurt
Mulder's teeth and ears. It threw snow on them, covering them from head
to toe with the frigid, white powder. Mulder tried to rub the snow off
his face his shoulder. The man shook like a wet dog, then brushed the
remainder of the snow off with hands. Mulder didn't have that luxury.

"A little help here."

The man ignored Mulder and pushed him back towards the road.

They walked in the whiteness for... to Mulder it felt like forever. The
snow that had blown into his shirt by the plow had melted leaving him
wet and cold. His teeth began to chatter. He couldn't feel his nose or
ears. It felt like his cheeks were frozen solid. They seemed heavy and
hard on his face. Almost leaden. His shoes slipped repeatedly on the
slick rocks as they climbed down a well hidden trail that lead down the
side of the pass. His legs were bruised and cut. The only good thing
about the cold, it helped deaden the pain. Through the whiteness, a
small cabin suddenly materialized in front of them. All the windows were
boarded shut. The man shouldered the door open, dragging Mulder through
the door into the blinding light. Lights were on everywhere. Mulder
lowered his head and tried to bury his face into his overcoat. The light
burned his eyes. He slowly raised his head and squinted through the
brightness. The room was a mess. It stunk of spoiled food and dirty
clothes. The room was sparsely furnished with broken and torn furniture.
The walls were decorated with ripped and creased posters of comic book
heroes. Batman. Superman. Spiderman.

Mulder was roughly pushed towards a door leading to a darkened basement.
Mulder was drawing a line. There was no way he was going down there
without a fight. Every instinct was telling him he was dead if he went
through that door. The basement reeked of things decaying and dead.
Death had a unforgettable smell. Mulder hesitated then took a step
through the doorway before back pedaling as hard and fast as he could.
He drove his body into the man's chest, throwing his head back and
catching the man on the jaw. The blow staggered the man, knocking him
backwards but not before he grabbed Mulder by the overcoat and pulled
him to the floor on top of himself. Mulder twisted, so he now faced the
man and drove a knee hard into the man's groin. He quickly rolled off
the man who was doubled up on the floor screaming. Tears of pain and
anger rolled off the man's face. The gun. Where was the gun? Mulder's
eyes frantically searched the room as he tried to maneuver his bound
hands from behind his back. He didn't have time. He raced to the door,
turning so he could grab the doorknob with both hands. The door swung
open and a burst of cold air hit Mulder squarely in the face. He started
to take a step through the doorway when two large arms wrapped
themselves around him, crushing him in a vise-like grip. Mulder threw
back his head and cried out in pain.

The man hissed, "I should kill you now, but I like fight in a person.
Believe me before this is over with, you'll need it."

He lifted Mulder off his feet as he kicked and struggled and carried him
forcibly to the edge of the stairs. With his hands tied tightly behind
his back, there was no way for him to reach out and feel into the
darkness for support.

"Welcome home." said the man pushing Mulder hard in the back with both
hands.

Mulder's feet slid off the first step and he was suddenly airborne as he
fell the rest of the way to the hard concrete floor below. Mulder did
his best to land on his side trying to protect his head, but without his
hands free to brace himself he landed on his hip and shoulder. Damn! The
sickening crunch told him the phone was gone. The impact bounced his
head off the hard surface. He fought to stay conscious, but finally gave
himself to the darkness. 

__________

Scully closed her hands into tight fists and pressed them to her eyes.

<Please God. Make this a dream. Please.>

She sighed a heavy sigh and reopened her eyes. She looked at her watch.
The plane to DC would have landed a half an hour ago. They should be
standing side-by-side at the luggage carousel in Dulles waiting for
their bags. She closed her eyes again and pictured Mulder by her side,
casually popping sunflower seeds in his mouth as they waited... just
like a hundred times before.

<God why did you make this time different?>

She brushed tears from her eyes. It was a struggle to stay focused and
not let the panic consume and paralyze her.

<Think... Dana think... Lehman! What if Mulder was wrong... What if he
had had an accomplice?>

__________

Scully burst through the doors of the Pitkin County Jail at a run almost
colliding with the paramedics that were working on a man strapped to a
stretcher. They hurried past Scully towards a waiting ambulance, but not
before she got a look at the man's face. It was Douglas Lehman. She
grabbed an officer's arm.

"What the hell's going on here?"

"He tried to kill himself. Broke his glasses and slit his wrists.
Doesn't look good. Pity," the officer added with a smile.

She ran out catching the ambulance before it pulled away from the curb.
She pressed her badge and ID to the driver's window. The driver quickly
rolled down the window.

"What's his condition? I need to try and speak with him."

The driver was shaking his head. "The man's dead. Just need to get him
to the hospital to have a doctor call it and make it official."

"Dammit," she cursed loudly.

"Sorry" the driver said as he put the ambulance into gear and backed up.
Scully's head dropped and her shoulders sagged as she stepped away.

<Back to square one.>

Time. She knew she was running out of time.

__________

Mulder woke slowly. He was stretched out full length on the floor. His
cheek pressed against the cold surface. Grit and dirt, plus the coppery
taste of blood coated his mouth. With his tongue he gently probed the
inside of his mouth and ran it across his split swollen lip. His muscles
were knotted and cramped, not only from his injuries but also from the
cold. He was freezing. Mulder drew his knees up and rocked into a
sitting position. He hung his head and tried not to take deep breaths.
The smell was making him sick to his stomach. He worked his tied ands
under his butt so now they were in front of him giving him more
mobility. With his hands in front of his body it gave him a small degree
of comfort, but it was so dark he couldn't see them in front of his
face. Mulder stood up carefully. He swayed, unsteady on his feet for
several long moments. He fumbled his joined hands into his coat pocket
to confirm what he already suspected, the cell phone was destroyed.

<Shit! Shit! Shit!>

He held his hands out in front of him and slowly inched forward. After
several feet his toe bumped into something soft that gave to the
pressure of his foot. He poked it again with his foot.

The man heard Mulder moving around downstairs in the darkness. He moved
to the basement door and placed his hand on the light switch. He would
wait a minute or two; let him stumble around a little bit longer before
he showed him exactly what and with whom he spent the night with. He put
a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. He didn't want Mulder to
hear. He didn't want him to be forewarned. He wanted everything to be a
complete surprise. This was one of his favorite parts. Really showed who
was worthy and who was not. Showed him when and how they should die

The man pressed his ear to the closed door and flipped the light switch
on. He heard feet quickly scraping across the gritty floor but nothing
else. No screams. No crying. No begging. The man was impressed.

Using his toe, Mulder tried to inch around the object. The lights came
on startling him and he tripped backwards into another object. The light
revealed everything. The "object" and all the other "objects". The
reason for the smell. He looked around the room in horror. The basement
was littered with bodies. Every one in various stages of decomposition.
Not all were human. There were some that looked like dogs. Some of the
corpses were old. The skin long dried and brown, eyes gone, white bone
poking out from torn flesh. The freshest corpse was the one that he had
been poking with his foot. Being in the profession he was in, he had
seen plenty of dead bodies. Human and non. But it was never easy for
Mulder. Corpses ranked right up there with insects. He hated to go into
the autopsy rooms. He hated the smells. He hated having to get that near
the dead. Mulder always marveled how Scully could, with her cool
professionalism, detach herself and remain focused on what needed to be
done. He backed carefully to the steps, took a seat on the highest step
and closed his eyes. 

__________

Scully drove to the Lehman house. Wide yellow crime scene tape cordoned
off the property.

She turned off the engine and stepped out into the cool morning air,
slipping beneath the tape and walking up to the front door. A light was
on in the house. A car was parked in the drive. It was from the Crime
Scene Unit. They were still there collecting evidence. She tried the
door. It was unlocked. She poked her head in.

"Ma'am... Oh, it's you Agent Scully. l heard about your... Can I help
you?" She entered the house, looking lost.

"You heard the news?"

The man nodded, "Lehman's dead. I just got the call."

"I was there." She looked around the room. "Did you find any evidence
that there was someone else involved? An accomplice?"

"No. None." the man's voice lowered, "Do you think this is related to
your partner 's abduction?"

"I don't know," she said exasperated, " I don't know where to start."
She was on the verge of tears. "It snows one day," she said bitterly,
"and just like that we lose a week. A snowstorm in June. For God's sake
it's June."

"Unfortunately that's Colorado. If I turn up anything you'll be the
first person to know. How can I reach you?"

"Let me give you my cell phone number. It's 555-0113. Thank you." She
opened the door and stepped outside.

Now it was raining....

__________

Mulder had no idea how long he had been down in the basement, in the
darkness. He had no way to measure time. No way he could even read his
watch pressed in front of his face. He began to wonder if the man was
ever coming back. His teeth chattered. His clothes were still damp.
There was no heat in the dank, dark basement. His ribs still hurt where
the man had grabbed him. He reached under his overcoat and jacket and
pressed each rib individually. They were sore but none felt broken. He
continued to run his hands over his body, making a mental inventory of
his injuries. None were life-threatening. Yet. 

__________

Scully returned to the convenience store to interview the woman to see
if she had anything else to add. Unfortunately, there was nothing more
she could tell Scully. Scully thanked her and turned to leave. The
pictures. She had almost forgotten the photos. They were ready as
promised. She returned to the car and held them in her hand, unsure
whether to open them.

<Not now. Not here.> she told herself.

__________

COMFORT INN Aspen

Scully set the pictures down on the bed beside the shopping bags of new
clothes she had purchased. She walked into the bathroom and started the
shower. She felt so miserable and alone as she stood naked under the
water. The only sound was the running water and her heart pounding.

The shower hadn't made her feel better. It actually made her feel worse.
The room was too hot, filled with the steamy, thick moisture. She
started to wipe the mirror with a smaller towel when she stopped. She
felt the horror, she didn't need to look at it reflected in her eyes or
face.

She stepped out of the bathroom with a towel tightly wrapped around
herself, another wrapped around her wet hair. Her eyes were immediately
drawn to the photos. She stared at them for several long minutes.
Finally she took a seat on the bed and picked up one of the envelopes
and slowly opened it. She knew it was a mistake when she looked at the
first photo. It was him. He was laughing into the camera, Maroon Bells
rising behind him in the background. The next one was them together. She
looked so small wrapped in his overcoat.

<Was she really that short?>

She flipped to the following picture and froze. Again, it was them
together. Mulder had the most mischievous grin on his face. He held two
fingers behind her head like a naughty child. She started laughing but
her laughter quickly turned into heart-wrenching sobs. She pulled a
pillow free from the covers and wrapped herself tightly around it,
pressing her face deep into it to muffle her sobs.

The phone was ringing. She had cried herself to sleep with the the
picture clutched in her hand. She sniffed loudly and wiped her eyes
before answering the phone.

"Agent Scully, this is Officer Sanders from the Aspen PD. I just got a
call from Susan Jarman. She seemed anxious to talk to you. I didn't want
to give out your number at the motel. If you have something to write
with I'll give you her number."

Scully held the phone between her cheek and shoulder as she tried to
dress. She had placed the picture face down on the bed. Too afraid to
look at it again. The phone rang and rang until a recorder picked up
announcing that this was the Jarman residence and to please leave a
message.

"This is Agent Dana Scully..."

The phone was immediately answered. Scully couldn't blame them for
screening their calls. It was Susan.

"Agent Scully." There was a long pause. "I just heard the news. About
Agent Mulder. Oh my God is it true?"

"Yes.... It is." Scully couldn't hide the pain in her voice, tears
threatening to fall again.

"Please... If there is anything we can do for you. How can we help?"

"I appreciate your offer but what I would like, need you to do is just
be with your daughter. I can only hope for the best for my partner,
but...," There was a catch in her voice as her eyes fell on the photo,
"but if things don't work out...at least some good will have come out of
this."

Susan began to cry, "You and your partner will be in our prayers."

Scully slowly hung up the phone and finished dressing. She looked at her
watch. She was scheduled for a press conference in an hour and a half.
Hopefully someone had seen something, because right now they had
nothing. 

__________

The lights suddenly came on, startling Mulder who almost dropped the
last of his sunflower seeds as he sat perched on the top step. Mulder
quickly squeezed his eyes shut then slowly opened them. He moved to the
door and waited, clasping his bound hands together ready to swing them.
He waited. Nothing. He quietly moved down the stairs and looked around
the room, searching for something that could be used as a weapon. There
were only bones and dead bodies. He paused. There was a small skeleton
propped against the far wall. Judging by the width of the pelvis it had
been a small woman. He grabbed one of the femur bones, pulling it free
from the hip socket and slid it into one of his deep overcoat pockets
before returning to the top of the stairs to wait. Mulder looked at his
watch. An hour had passed since the lights had come on. He readied
himself as he heard the basement door latch being lifted. The door
slowly and cautiously opened. The man stood framed in the doorway. The
gun was clutched in his right hand.

"If you're ready to behave, you can come out."

The man motioned Mulder to step out. With each step Mulder took towards
him, the man took one step back. The gun never leaving Mulder.

He waved Mulder to a chair, where he took a seat. His eyes never left
the man's face. The man smiled at Mulder. He was glad to see anger on
his face, in his eyes and not a trace of fear. If looks could kill, he
would be a dead man. The man had been right when he kidnapped Mulder. He
knew if there was any hope for himself, it was with Mulder.

"Put your hands on the table."

Mulder paused before slowly placing his tied hands on the table. The man
placed the gun on the table with the barrel pointed at Mulder. Mulder's
eyes flicked to the gun and back to the man's face. The man smiled again.

"You're quick, but not that quick.", he said reading Mulder's thoughts.
The man reached behind his back and drew out a knife.

Hungry?"

Mulder remained silent. His eyes watched the knife. As the man took a
step towards Mulder, he saw him straighten in his chair. He cut the
rope, freeing Mulder's hands. Then picked up the gun and backed towards
the stove. He picked up a plate filled with food and slid it across the
table towards Mulder.

"I hope I can trust you with a fork." he said as he flipped it to Mulder
who caught it with one hand. The man placed his plate down and took a
seat at the end of the table. He laid the gun close to his plate, hoping
to discourage any thoughts Mulder might have of trying to escape.

"You'd better eat. We have a lot of work to do." The man started
shoveling food into his mouth.

Mulder looked down at his plate, then slowly forked food into his mouth.
He was starving.

"Look Agent Mulder. You're famous.' He pointed his fork at the TV set.
There was a fuzzy picture of Mulder on TV.

"Fox? Really your first name is Fox? I guess your mother hated you too."

Suddenly Scully was on giving a brief progress report on the search for
her partner. Mulder's heart ached. There were dark circles around her
eyes. She looked exhausted. When she spoke there was sadness and pain in
her voice that filled her eyes.

"She's pretty."

Mulder's head whipped around. He opened his mouth to respond but closed
it and turned his attention back to the TV. She was gone. He closed his
eyes holding the picture of her in his mind.

"What's she like in the sack? She looks tasty..." The man stopped when
he saw Mulder's expression. It was pure hatred. Now he understood why
Mulder had allowed him to take him without much of a struggle. He was
protecting her.

He laughed, "Don't worry. I don't like women and they don't like me.
Only had one. Unless your mother doesn't count."

Mulder stared at him, horrified.

"Needless to say she was not a willing participant." The man's voice
took on a detached dreamy quality," Believe me I let her see what it was
like. What they did to me while she stood there. Her own son. Never
saying a word." His eyes misted with tears. He wiped a big hand over his
eyes.

"You can have seconds if you're still hungry. There's plenty. You know
what they say about us humans, we taste a lot like chicken. What do you
think?"

Mulder's hand froze. He let the fork fall from his fingers. It loudly
clattered on the table. He quickly spit out the bite of food he had in
his mouth and wiped his hand over it. He felt bile and food racing up
his throat.

"YOU SICK BASTARD!" Mulder screamed, pushing back from the table. He
doubled over and threw up. He finally looked up at the man; his eyes
watery, the look on his face murderous.

The man picked up the gun and shook his head. Sit down. If you're going
to waste food, pass me your plate. But I'm warning you, that's all
you're going to get to eat. Sorry no grocery stores in the neighborhood.
Just the "Dahmer Deli"' He roared at his joke, then quickly his eyes
darkened. He leaned threateningly towards Mulder

"Just wait... When it comes to survival, I've learned people will do
anything. And I mean anything to survive. Before you pass judgement on
other people, let's see what you'll do Agent Mulder."

Mulder glared at the man while he finished cleaning both plates.

"Last one. Sure you don't want it?" he laughed and wagged the fork back
and forth with the last bite on it before placing it in his mouth and
chewing it with relish. He slowly licked the fork.

"I guess it's an acquired taste. Well if you're done eating, it's time
to go back," he said nodding his head towards the basement door. He
picked up the gun and stepped closer to Mulder. "Hands on the table."
Mulder didn't move.

"Hands on the table."

Nothing.

The man angrily reached for one of Mulder's arms just as Mulder grabbed
the bone from his pocket and swung it with one hand with all his might.
It missed the man's head by inches. With a loud crack it landed against
the man's shoulder. Mulder saw the gun barrel raise towards his head. He
threw himself backwards and kicked his legs out, catching the gun and
knocking it offline. He heard the loud retort of the gun and felt a
burning pain as the bullet grazed his temple. He hit the floor hard
enough to see stars. The man was suddenly on top of him, his face
looming over his. The man was screaming, but it was hard for Mulder to
make out the words. His ears still ringing from the gun shot. Spittle
flew from the man's mouth in rage. He felt the gun press against his
forehead. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Mulder
slowly closed his eyes. He felt the gun being lifted off his forehead.
He reopened his eyes in time to see the gun's handle coming down fast
towards his face, then a sharp pain and darkness. 

__________

He woke tied to a bed. His arms and legs were bond so tightly it felt
like his circulation was being cut off. One look at the man and Mulder
knew the pain was going to be unbearable. The man was ranting and raving
as he paced around the room. His anger and madness driving his steps
faster and faster, until he finally stopped and turned his attention to
Mulder. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. His chest
heaved. Perspiration glistened off his flushed face. Mulder tried to
brace himself for what he knew was coming. The man's eyes were glazed
over. He knew there was no reasoning with him. There was no humanity or
compassion to reach. Instead, Mulder mentally started to run to his one
and only safe place. A place to hide from the pain he knew was
inevitable. He ran to her as fast as his legs would carry him. But he
wasn't fast enough and the first wave of pain hit him as he was reaching
for her. It knocked him to his knees, pulling him to the ground. He
struggled to his feet and with a herculean effort made it up and into
her waiting arms. He took her hand and slowly started walking through
the shared memories of their relationship. From the first day she walked
into his office and into his life. She had given him his life back and
he needed her to do it for him again. He tried to hang onto her as long
as he could, but the memories were being interrupted with flashes of
darkness and intense pain.

<Oh God. Not my fingers!>

From far off he heard his own screams. He felt Scully release his hand.

"Go. It's okay. I'll find you."

With relief he walked into the darkness. 

__________

Scully woke and bolted upright in her motel bed. She was bathed in cold
sweat. Her breaths coming fast and hard. Her pulse was racing.The dream
had been so vivid. It was about Mulder. He had been with her. They were
together, holding hands as they talked. His grip tightening the longer
they talked. Starting at the "beginning" when she first walked into his
basement office, then slowly reliving the past in detail. But Mulder
began to have trouble remembering. He began to speak in halting
sentences. Several times he doubled over in pain. She tenderly rubbed
his back and tried to reassure him everything would be okay. He was
wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Blood slowly started
to stain the shirt. Long cuts appeared on his arms. He looked from her
to the darkness. She felt his hand start to slip her from hers. She
tightened her grip but he screamed out in pain. She looked as his hand.
Several of the fingers were misshapen and broken. She quickly released
his hand. "Go. It's okay go. I'll find you." He nodded, then disappeared
into the darkness.

Scully threw back the covers and walked to the window. She opened the
curtains and looked up towards Independence Pass. If the weather reports
were correct and this unseasonably warm weather continued, by the first
of the week there was a possibility that could get up the pass.

<Hold on , Mulder> She silently pleaded.

Her shoulders began to shake. What if she was too late? Scully buried
her face in her hands and cried. 

__________

Mulder couldn't think. His thoughts were all jumbled up. Everything that
he had ever feared in his life was there. Between the pain and the
darkness he was lost. He fell, crawling on his knees, as he pulled
himself with his one good hand, until he could drag himself to his feet.
He circled but there was nowhere to go. The fear was almost paralyzing.
He could feel everything that went bump in the night, hid in a child's
closet or dwelled under their little beds. He began to shake with fear.
He could feel the heat of the fire circling him, while insects moved
over him... in his hair... nose... ears... even his eyes. He tried not
to scream for fear they would climb in his mouth. From the corner of his
frightened eyes he caught the faint glowing ember of someone inhaling on
a cigarette. Never once offering to help him. Watching. Waiting. Where
was she? He couldn't find her. He was alone. He knew there would be no
help.

Just like before.

Just like when Samantha was taken.

"Don't Daddy. No more. No more. No more.' His cries slowly faded into
incoherent sobs. Mulder's head rolled to the side as he fell into
unconsciousness. Tears slid down his cheeks, mixed with blood and fell
onto the bed. 

__________

Mulder's frightened cries stopped the man with his fists raised in the
air. Slowly the man's eyes cleared. He was frozen by the sight of his
bloodied hands and Mulder's pleas sounding so childlike. He watched
Mulder's head slowly roll to one side. A heavy shuttering sigh escaped
through his open mouth, then he lay silent. Too still. I <Not again!
Dammit not again! It was not supposed to end like this! Mulder was not
supposed to die.>

The man quickly turned away from Mulder's limp body and balled his
bloodied hands into tight fists. He pressed them to his temples,
smearing blood across them and his forehead. He tried to calm himself.

<You don't know if he's dead. Go look.>

He turned and took two halting steps towards Mulder.

<How could he be alive? With all that blood?>

He didn't want to know. He couldn't face the truth, that he had killed
his only hope.

<No. I don't want to.> The man whimpered to himself like a spoiled
child, taking two steps back.

<Do it now!>

He inched his way towards Mulder. When he was beside the bed, he poked a
finger at Mulder and pushed one of his shoulders. No reaction.

"I've killed him! " The man started to wail, but a moan from Mulder
stopped his cries.

<Hurry there's not much time. You have to fix what you've broken>

The voice inside his head turned into his mother's. <You clumsy stupid
Bastard! Can't you do anything right! Everything you touch you break!>

He could feel her hand on his. Digging her nails into it as she opened
his small fist. Spreading his fingers wide and holding them on the table
as she brought the heavy metal jar down again... and again. Mulder
groaned. The man frozen by the memory of his mother's abuse quickly
blinked his eyes then moved rapidly through the cabin gathering
supplies; towels, bandages and from under the bed a cigar box filled
with sewing supplies. He cut Mulder free from the bed, then carefully
pulled Mulder's clothes off and threw them into a pile. He filled a
large bowl with warm soapy water, then dipped a towel into it and
carefully began to clean off the blood. He lost count of the number of
times he was forced to refill the bowl with clean water. He apologized
to Mulder as he cleaned his wounds.

"I'm sorry. I just needed you to understand about me...about my life.
You have to know so you can protect me. You're my only hope." He laughed
a small laugh, "Just like that Princess with the funny hair in Star Wars
says to the old guy. My only hope." 

__________

The only thing Mulder was conscious of was the pain. It told him he was
alive, but that's all. He didn't know who he was or where he was. It was
relentless. The tiniest movement set off waves and waves of excruciating
pain until he screamed and wished he would just die.

"Soon." He heard a voice say from far away.

He went into the darkness content that it would be over with. Soon.

__________

COLORADO HIGHWAY 82

He knew when he didn't find her at the motel, there was only one place
she would be. It looked like the car had been parked there most of the
night. The bumper of the car was almost resting on the orange barricade
as if she were afraid someone would push in front of her and be first up
the Pass once the gates opened. The rain from the previous night still
glistened off the car. He saw the wipers come on and push the wet
droplets off the windshield. He pulled in behind her and grabbed the
thermos and two cups. Scully looked up surprised to see him when he
knocked on her window. She had her cell phone pressed to her ear. She
motioned him to the passenger side of the car while she gathered up the
maps she had spread out on the seat.

"That's the most current report...okay," she said into the phone.
"Clearing this morning with sunshine in the afternoon. Back to
unseasonably warm weather into the beginning of next week. Thank you,"
she said and clicked off her phone. Agent Williams handed her a cup of
steaming coffee. She looked at him gratefully and managed a tired smile.

"Agent Scully we have a search plane ready to go up around 10:30.
Hopefully the plows can start up the Pass this afternoon. Tomorrow
morning at the latest. We have a dog team ready once the plows have been
up and cleared the pass.''

Scully wiped a tired hand over her face and rubbed her eyes. "You said
10:30?" she said as she looked at her watch. She had three more hours to
wait. Scully would call Skinner during that time and give him her daily
report. It would be nice to give him some good news instead of the
usual... 'nothing' no progress." She took a yellow legal pad off the
dash and pulled out one of the maps. Several photos fell out. Scully
avoided Agent Williams' eyes as she quickly picked them up and carefully
placed them into her purse. Agent Williams noticed they were pictures of
her and Mulder.

"I've gone, through every written detail, especially the times. I'm sure
he is somewhere on the pass. We canvassed all the surrounding businesses
and residences and no one saw anything to the contrary. I know you know
all this but it helps me to say it out loud, to hear it. The employees
from the convenience store remembered seeing car lights heading up the
pass around 8:30. The woman specifically remembered the time because her
replacement was late. She said the other employee was getting ready to
go outside to start clearing snow off the walk. Both commented about the
car and wondered who in their right mind would be trying the pass in
this weather. Thought the driver was a male. Didn't know the make of the
vehicle, but remembered it being green. Both employees thought it was
odd that the lights didn't return. I got my phone call from Mulder
around 8:45. 8:49 to be exact. He told me he was on the pass..." She
paused, "but the snow plow operator didn't see anyone," she said out
loud. She looked at Agent Williams, realizing what she was saying. The
logical explanation was the car had gone off the road. 

__________

There were loud noises coming from below him. Hammering. Sawing. He
wished all the noise would stop. Even the hum of the generator hurt his
head. He heard heavy steps moving across the room towards him then felt
the blanket being pulled away from his face. A large hand slipped under
his head and lifted it off the pillow. Mulder tried to fight.

<Don't touch me! Don't!>

He tried to raise his arms, but they fell to the bed useless.A glass was
pressed to his lips. Some of the water made it into his mouth, but most
rolled off his chin, down his neck, onto his chest and the bed. Someone
was sitting beside his bed, talking. At first they were just sounds
making no sense. Finally they became words.

"... the only person that cared about me. He had a ranch out on the east
plains. It was a town with a funny name. Fort something I think. I
remember going with him to the garden every day. He always allowed me to
help him. Never cursing me, never telling me how stupid or clumsy I was,
even when I made mistakes. The first time I saw it. I was scared. So
scared I think ... okay I know. I wet myself. Peed my pants like a
little snot-nosed baby. And even then he didn't get mad. He said it was
only a scarecrow. He held me up so I could touch it and prove that there
wasn't nothing to be afraid of. Said it kept the birds out of the corn.
It kept the bad things away. I told him I had dreams...bad dreams. It
made him sad... so sad. l remembered he even cried. So he helped me make
my own scarecrow. A little one made out of an old clothes pin. You might
not believe this, but it helped. It really helped. I'd set it by my bed
and be able to sleep until morning. But then she took me away and the
dreams came back. I never forgot the scarecrows. You rest." he said
patting Mulder's hand. "It's almost time. Just a couple more days and
then it'll be over with. For both of us. No more nightmares. You'll see."

Mulder heard the man straining up the stairs, time after time. Each
trip, the man's breathing more labored. The door banged open and close.
Open and close, until Mulder thought he would scream.

<IN OR OUT! he heard his father's voice. DAMMIT! IN OR OUT!> 

__________

It became a nightly ritual. It was the only way Mulder knew it was
night. That another day was almost over. It really didn't matter to him,
he wished it would all end. The pain was no better. He never imagined a
body could hurt in so many places, especially his fingers. They throbbed
until he thought he was going to be sick. Both arms burned from his
wrist to his elbow, the heat growing with each passing day. He could
feel something sharp sticking out of them. His chest hurt with every
breath. A fever had set in days ago adding to his misery. He heard a
chair being dragged to the side of his bed. It hurt too much to even
open his eyes.

"Here." The man said and slid his hand under Mulder's head raising it
off the pillow. He tipped the glass to his lips.

After Mulder managed to get some of the water down, the man lowered his
head and placed a cold cloth onto his forehead.

"Trust me it's almost over. But you have to listen. I have to finish my
story. Let's see where did I leave off..."

Mulder caught bits and pieces of what the man was saying as he floated
in and out of consciousness. ..... locked in closets overnight while my
mother went out. Alone. In the dark... Beaten until I pissed blood for a
week... Beaten... Beaten by Bob... by Raymond..."

By the endless string of boyfriends his mother brought home on any given
night. 

__________

If there had been any other reason for being there in the skies over
Independence Pass, she would have enjoyed the view. She had the
binoculars pressed to her eyes searching for any sign of Mulder. She
couldn't believe; wouldn't believe that he was dead. He was hurt but she
knew he was still alive. He had told her that in her dream. After flying
a quick pass over and finding nothing, they concentrated on the area
Scully had marked on the map. They slowly circled in the sky. On the
third pass something caught her eye. Something flashed in the bright
sunlight. She quickly pointed it out to the pilot.

"Can you get closer?"

He nodded and dropped the plane for a better look.

It was the twisted bumper of a car, half buried in the snow. On the
second pass she could make out the Hertz rental sticker with her
binoculars.

Scully lowered the binoculars and turned towards the pilot as her face
slowly drained of color. 

__________

Scully was quiet on the short trip back to the Aspen airport, lost in
her thoughts of what she knew to be true versus what she didn't know.
Was he in the car? Was the dream nothing more than that? Had he been
killed that night?

Killed. Mulder killed.

Dead. Mulder dead.

She covered her ears with her hands. She refused to believe that her
partner wasn't alive. That was the only way she could continue without
completely losing it. Until she saw his body with her own eyes, only
then would she believe he was gone.

The first snow plows made it up and over the pass that night. A team of
climbers were assembled to be taken to the crash site after lunch the
following day.

They stopped at the motel to pick Scully up. She squeezed into the 4x4,
sandwiched between two tanned, athletically built men. There were a
total of five climbers in the truck. She acknowledged them with a nod of
her head. They all smiled politely then looked away from her. She
suspected they didn't want to reveal through their eyes and faces, that
in all probability they would be pulling the dead body of her partner
out of the car. As they traveled up the pass, the remaining snow on the
pavement had turned to slush. One more pass with the snow plows and the
snow storm would be just a memory.

"Steve it's hotter than hell back here. Give us some air before we all
pass out." The man looked at the other climbers who all nodded in
agreement. Scully didn't respond. Her eyes were closed as she silently
counted the minutes until they reached the crash site. The moment of
truth. 

__________

Scully peered over the edge. The climbers had reached the car.

"Can you hear me okay?"

"Yes," Scully answered speaking into the headphones.

"Most of the snow has melted away from the windows. Or what's left of
them. A lot of snow in the vehicle... Hang on I'm going to try to do
some digging... CAREFUL! It's starting to slide.... Let's try that
again. Be careful. Use the Poles."

Scully held her breath and closed her eyes.

"No one in the car Agent Scully."

She let out a sigh of relief.

"Wait."

She caught her breath.

"Need to check the trunk."

She waited several long minutes; finally, "Nothing. Only suitcases. I'm
sending them up. "Do you think they could have been thrown from the
vehicle?"

"No. Don't see any blood around the windows or windshield. I'm sure
there was no one in the car when it went over the edge."

Scully opened one of Mulder's suitcases. Folded on top was his Knick's
t-shirt. She reached out and touched the cloth. It was cold. Her mind
flashed to him in Seattle, as he jogged up to her red-faced and sweaty
after an early morning run. She remembered remarking that it was time
for a new shirt. Mulder had smiled and shook his head. "Nope. This one
has character. Besides it's just getting worn in." "Worn through," she
had remarked. She sighed. It seemed like a lifetime ago instead of a
mere three weeks. 

__________

They had brought the dogs up. Three bloodhounds with their handlers.
They were a search and rescue team from Grand Junction.

"Agent Scully. We need a new scent article. Some piece of clothing with
your partner's scent.

She picked up the t-shirt and held it out. "Is this okay?'.

The lead handler nodded, "Would anyone else have handled this besides
you or Agent Mulder?"

"No."

"We're going to have the dogs smell you first, so they know what scent
we are looking for." Scully looked dubiously at the dogs. "But he's been
gone almost a week. There's been snow and rain. Won't his scent be
washed away?"

"Dogs are amazing animals. Did you know a dog's sense of smell is
100,000 times greater than ours? And for the Bloodhound... Don't let
their ugly exterior fool you." The man shook his head in wonder, "they
are designed as the perfect tracking machine. Those long droopy ears
actually cup and trap the scent bringing it up to the dog's nose. Looks
like we've picked up something here."

All three dogs, after smelling the t-shirt immediately started tracking
up the Pass. Their pace was brisk and confident, signaling a strong
scent. After several miles, the dogs detoured to the side of the pass
and paused to sniff around in a small secluded area.

"It appears as if your partner stopped here.

The dogs took off again moving away from the wall all of the pass.

"The snow plow..." Scully muttered to herself. Unknown to the driver he
had passed within 15 feet of the kidnapped agent.

They continued to travel up the pass. As the afternoon wore on the
weather got hotter and hotter. It was hard to believe that days before
there had been a snowstorm.

"We're going to have to stop. The dogs are getting hot. Time to take a
break. Can't believe they got much further than this in that weather,
but it looks like the dogs still want to go on. Scully looked impatient.
It was hard not to push. She felt time slipping away.

After a thirty minute break they continued on, tracking until the sun
began to go down. The dogs crossed to the edge of the pass and stopped
in unison. They stood frozen, side-by-side, then one by one, each dog
let out one of the most mournful sounds Scully had ever heard. Their
cries almost sounded human.

"What are they doing?"

All three handlers suddenly looked uncomfortable, "They're alerting The
lead handler said then paused," All three of these dogs are trained for
cadaver detection." The man swallowed hard, "There's something dead down
there."

"But. ..but it could be an animal. Couldn't it just be a dead animal?,"
Scully stammered. Her eyes pleading.

"No. These dogs are specifically trained to disregard animals. It
definitely human... and it's definitely not alive."

"I'm sorry Agent Scully but we're losing our light. We will have to come
back first thing in the morning and try to get down the side of the
mountain. It's too wet and dangerous without the proper equipment."
__________

He heard the dogs. He knew they were near and he was running out of
time. The only thing he had left to do was to get Mulder ready.

"You're going to have to try and help." he said as he urgently pulled
Mulder up to a sitting position by one arm.

"We don't have much time. They'll be here soon. I only have one chance
to get this right." The man had managed to get most of Mulder's clothes
on while he lay unconscious but he needed his help with the rest. With
one hand he held Mulder upright and with the other he slapped Mulder on
his cheek. Mulder's eyes slowly started to open. He began to list to one
side as he tried to lay back down to get away from the pain. The man
jerked him up causing Mulder's eyes to snap open. He yelped in pain. He
tried to move his hands up to push the man away. They floated harmlessly
in front of the man, he had no strength. Being forced to sit made the
pain unbearable. The room was spinning, faster and faster while bright
lights flashed in front of his eyes. The man continued to struggle as he
tried to dress Mulder. Mulder resisted.

"Stop.. .it hurts," Mulder panted. Fevered eyes pleaded with the man to
stop.

"Don't you understand," The man was getting angry and frustrated with
Mulder. "Don't you want this all to end? For once and for all?
Peace...I'm talking about eternal peace."

The man had half of Mulder's shirt on. He roughly pulled up the left
sleeve catching the crude splint that covered Mulder's two broken
fingers on the cuff and pushed them back. Mulder didn't even have time
to scream, he just passed out, slumping forward over the man's shoulder.
The man pushed him back onto the bed and finished buttoning his shirt.
He fingered one of the blood stains on his shirt. He had cleaned his
clothes as best as he could. He tried to retie his tie but gave up and
threw it angrily aside. "Ugly ass tie anyway." He put Mulder's jacket
on. It was time to go. He lifted Mulder up and placed him over a
shoulder, surprised how light Mulder felt. With his free hand he picked
up Mulder's overcoat and walked out the door.

It was probably best that Mulder was still unconscious. He didn't think
Mulder would understand or appreciate that this part needed to be done.
It was the final and most important piece. He opened Mulder's shirt and
pants and started stuffing straw into them. When he was done he
retightened his belt then wound the wire around his chest and the cross
and pulled it tight. He lifted Mulder's head and placed the burlap bag
over it and tied it around his neck with another piece of wire. He bound
his feet and hands and secured them to the cross then draped the
overcoat over Mulder's shoulders and buttoned the top button, then
tipped the cross up. It hung like a cape. Just the effect he wanted. To
the bottom of the cross he nailed Mulder's ID, driver's license and
other items he found in Mulder's wallet. A picture of a little girl with
long dark braids and a picture of his partner. From far off he heard
them coming, but he knew they would be too late. 

__________

Before he was fully conscious, Mulder knew he had a decision to make.
One easy. One hard. Either one could end in the same result. But he
wanted it to be his choice. It would be so easy to just let go, to free
himself from the relentless pain. The hard one was to hang on and fight
with every ounce of strength he had left. Before he had wanted to die;
screamed to die. But now standing on the threshold of it, teetering
between life and death, he looked at it from a different perspective. He
never had chosen the easy path. His instinct to survive was great. His
will stronger than most.

At first he wasn't sure whether he was conscious or not. He was
surrounded by darkness. His long lashes brushed against the fabric of
the hood and he knew he was awake. There was pain, so much pain. And the
heat, that incredible suffocating heat. He was having a hard time
breathing. The man knew Mulder had come to as he heard him start to
struggle.

Mulder heard a voice from below him plead. "Stop. Save your strength for
me."

The man watched the front of the hood suck in and out as Mulder tried to
get air. Every breath drew bits of straw into Mulder's mouth making it
more and more difficult for him to breathe. Mulder fought to calm
himself. He was wasting what valuable air he had. He felt something
crawl through the straw across his face. It was an insect. Suddenly he
had the sensation of them crawling all over his body. What control he
managed to gather quickly evaporated into fear and revulsion. He knew he
was losing it. He desperately fought and strained against the wire
trying to free himself. As he pulled the wire cut deeper and deeper into
his already injured wrists. As the wounds reopened, Mulder could feel
the blood start to run down his arms. The sharp ends of the straw
scratched and cut his battered and tender flesh.

Mulder smelled death all around him. He heard the insects. Maybe it was
nature's way of telling him that it was over. There was a break in the
darkness as the hood shifted revealing a small tear in the fabric. With
one eye he peered out at the corpses. He knew in a few minutes he would
be joining the rotting bodies that surrounded him. Rotting flesh covered
with insects, for eternity. He felt what sanity he had left start to
slip away. He made one last frantic search to try to find his safe
place, to save the bit of sanity and life he clung to, but he knew it
was futile. He began banging his head against the cross in anger,
frustration and fear.

"Don't fight it," he heard a voice say, "It's time. See you soon." He
heard the gunshot and the sound of someone falling to the ground.

Mulder continued to struggle until the suffocating darkness began to
overwhelm him. His mind flashed to when he was a young boy. He was
underwater, drowning. He remembered the angry words that followed him to
the bottom of the pool as he slowly sank.

"If you think I'm going to jump in and save you...

His father's words.

He closed his eyes. First letting go of his sanity and then his life.
His last thought was wondering if his father would be there. He hoped
not. 

__________

"Oh my God... Do you smell that. What in the hell is it?"

At first the odor had been faint until suddenly, it struck them like a
wave. Everyone quickly pressed a hand over their noses and mouths. Some
drew out bandanas and handkerchiefs and tied them over their faces.

The sound was becoming deafening. The constant, monotonous buzzing of
thousands of flies. The smell was overwhelming. As Scully quickly and
urgently moved through the trees shoulder to shoulder with the other
officers, the terrain suddenly cleared. Everyone stopped in unison,
frozen by the sight. Bodies were everywhere. Some hung from the trees
like sick Christmas ornaments. Others were stuck in the ground on
crosses, displayed as casually as someone's pink lawn flamingos. All
were dressed as scarecrows. Burlap sacks over their heads with crude
cartoonish faces painted on them. The victim's clothes were stuffed with
straw, emphasizing their already bloated bodies. Some bodies had been
decimated by animals, limbs missing, clothes shredded. In front of the
human bodies, placed in a protective semi-circle, were the carcasses and
skeletal remains of dogs. Looked like German Shepherds, Rottweilers and
Dobermans. All guard type breeds.

"I..." one of the officers started, then turned towards Scully speechless.

"Hurry. We have to find him. Don't touch the bodies without using your
gloves," Scully pleaded urging the officers into action.

She scrambled from body to body. Concentrating on the ones that looked
fresh. The ones with the most insects hovering around them, with the
least tattered clothes and fresher stains. From her left came the loud
retort of a single gunshot. It vibrated through the trees. She froze,
then quickly raced towards the sound.

Scully saw it and knew it was him. His overcoat had been buttoned with
only the top button. It had been draped over his shoulders like a cape
rather than a coat. Like the others, a burlap bag covered his face.
Straw poked out from under it. His head, tilted to one side. A man's
body was crumbled by the base of the cross. Blood ran out of the fresh
gunshot wound to his temple. The gun in his limp dead hand.

"MULDER!" She screamed. "HERE! OVER HERE! I NEED HELP!"

She was breathing hard as she pulled the man away from Mulder. Scully
tore frantically at the wire that bound his feet.

"Mulder I'm here. Hang on."

She freed his feet just as several officers ran up. They pulled Mulder
and the cross to the ground. As they worked on freeing his hands, Scully
untied the wire then ripped the hood off and cleared the straw away from
his face. She gasped when she saw his battered face. He was barely
recognizable as her partner. His eyes were closed. A faint blue tinge
colored his cut and swollen lips. Once the officers had removed the wire
around his chest she tore open his shirt, throwing handfuls of straw
aside. Scully placed an ear to his chest. Nothing. Scully opened his
mouth and with a finger cleared the debris from it. She bent her head
close and pressed an ear close to his nose and mouth trying to locate
any signs of breathing, of life. There was no pulse. Tears streamed down
her face.

"Dammit! Breathe Mulder, Breathe!"

Scully pinched Mulder's nose shut, and drawing in a deep breath, sealed
her lips around his and blew. One of the officers knelt beside Mulder
and began chest compressions while Scully continued mouth- to-mouth
resuscitation.

The officer counted out every compression. "One!. Two!.. Three!.
Four!... Five!.. Blow!"

They worked feverishly on him.

"Paramedics are on their way up Agent Scully." Another officer announced.

She nodded quickly.

Two medics broke through the trees running as hard as they could with
the weight and awkwardness of the gurney. They quickly knelt beside
Mulder. Scully reluctantly let them take over. She watched them work.
Her eyes were wide, arms hugging herself tight as she rocked back and
forth. Tears continued to roll off her face leaving clean paths through
the dirt. She was too afraid to close her eyes to pray.

"Got it," One of the paramedics said triumphantly. "Let's get him out of
here."

Scully took her place beside the gurney as they hurried to the waiting
ambulance. She cast one final glance at the bodies and shuddered.

Mulder's eyes blinked open.

Scully quickly leaned forward and laid a hand on his arm.

Gently, "Mulder. Mulder. It's me."

His eyes looked past her unseeing. Vacant. Lost. There wasn't a hint
recognition.    

=================================    

SCARECROWS (part 3)

"Oh, God." she cried out.

Both paramedics looked quickly up at her, then back to Mulder who was
starting to struggle. They didn't have time to question her on what she
had seen.

Scully had seen a similar look during the Mostow case. Mulder had
completely immersed himself in it, until Killer and Mulder had become
one. She knew she had come close to losing him. She had hoped it was her
presence that had managed to hold his head " above water" so he hadn't
gone completely under. But this time he had been gone almost a week.
Alone, without her.

"Once we have him stabilized , we have a chopper ready to airlift to
Denver."

Mulder grew still and then suddenly exploded as one of the paramedics
tried to fit the oxygen mask over his face. He fought to get away from
it as he struggled to an upright position. His mouth hung open as he
gulped in air. As the paramedics forced him back down Mulder began to
scream.

"NO!NO!NO!NO!" His words ran together into one long, frantic cry.

The paramedics refitted the mask over his mouth and nose, muffling his
cries under the mask. He still fought, as he threw his head violently up
and down, side to side, as he desperately tried to rub it off. His eyes
were dark and wild. Scully moved toward his head and stroked his face.
He fought her touch as hard as he fought the mask.

"Mulder, stop. Please stop," she pleaded.

Scully was frightened. She was not getting through to him. She continued
to talk and touch him.

One of the paramedics turned to Scully. "We're going to have to knock
him out."

She didn't want him going under alone. She wanted Mulder to know and
understand she was there before he entered the darkness.

________________________

An Airlife helicopter was waiting at the Aspen Airport to fly Mulder to
Denver. It was a big red and white Bell LongRanger III. The paramedics
quickly and expertly moved Mulder from the ambulance into the
helicopter, securing him into a separate cockpit reserved and designed
for patients. Scully waited anxiously outside the helicopter door, ready
to enter and accompany Mulder to Denver.

"Agent Scully," one of the paramedics screamed over the roar of the
engine and rotors. "We don't have room for you. We're taking another
paramedic and flight nurse on board. We need someone to monitor his
vitals while we get him cleaned up and can better evaluate the extent of
his injuries so University Hospital knows what we are dealing with when
we arrive."

He pointed behind her. "We have a Cessna fueling up right now to take
you. With a speed of 120 miles per hour we're looking at ETA in an hour
and a half. With a good tail wind... less."

Scully reluctantly stepped back away from the helicopter and watched it
lift into the skies, then disappear. She heard someone calling her name.
A man was motioning her to the Cessna. It was ready.

________________________

UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL Denver Scully sat watching the door. Waiting. He was
already in surgery when she arrived. On the flight to Denver, massive
amounts of fluids and antibiotics had been pumped into him. Several of
the long cuts on his arms were red with infection. Two fingers on his
left hand were badly broken. He had contusions over most of his body.

She called Skinner telling him Mulder had been found... alive. She would
give him a progress report once he was out of surgery and she had the
opportunity to speak to the attending physician.

________________________

Scully felt a hand gently shaking her. A doctor dressed in surgical
scrubs stood over her.

"Agent Scully?"

She sat up quickly. "Mulder?" Her eyes searched his face for any sign of
bad news. The doctor slid in next to her.

"I'm Dr. Maifeld. I understand you are a doctor."

Scully nodded impatiently. "My partner..."

"We have Agent Mulder in ICU. He appears to be resting as comfortably as
can be expected. He is under heavy sedation. He seems to be a bit
delusional. I'm not sure if it was caused by the severe dehydration,
substantial head injuries or a combination of both."

"Delusional? How so?"

"He doesn't appear to know who he is or who we are. He doesn't recognize
us as doctors. He truly believes we are trying to kill him. Judging from
the extent of his injuries..." The doctor slowly shook his head. "I
don't know what happened to him or who caused these injuries. It's
obvious that they were done intentionally."

Scully closed her eyes then slowly reopened them, "Can I see him now?"

"He won't be conscious but you're more than welcome to see him." He
looked down at her dirty clothes. "Gloved and gowned, of course. If you
like I'm sure we could find a pair of scrubs your size. We've started
him on some oxygen therapy, too. It looks like he aspirated some type of
foreign object."

"Straw," Scully said.

"Straw? Really? We'll keep a close watch on that so it doesn't progress
into full-blown pneumonia. Two fingers on his left hand had to be
rebroken and reset. Your partner's lucky. We have one of the best hand
surgeons in the country on staff here. We pulled the sutures out of both
arms, cleaned the wounds, resutured and put in drains. They were pretty
infected. Wish I could give you more definitive news, Agent Scully.
We'll know more in the next 24 to 48 hours. See how the antibiotics
handle some of the infection and lung congestion."

"Thank you, doctor." She stood up, anxious to see her partner.

________________________

I.C.U. University Hospital, Room 216

He always looked so small in hospital beds, even with the bed elevated.
Maybe it was only an illusion with all the equipment surrounding the
bed. A nurse was checking his blood pressure. She looked up and tried to
give Scully a reassuring smile.

"Are you his wife?"

Scully shook her head no.

"If you'd like to sit with him I can move some of this equipment back."

Scully nodded.  

She pulled up a chair and pushed it close to Mulder's bed.

"I don't know if the doctor told you..." the nurse drew back the
blankets and showed Scully the restraints around Mulder's wrists. There
were heavy bandages under them. Scully looked up, alarmed. "I'm sorry,
but he was not cooperating. It's not something we like to do but he left
us no choice."

"Has he opened his eyes?"

"Not since he was wheeled into ICU. With all the drugs pumped into him I
don't expect he'll be conscious until tomorrow morning. Might be just as
well. He's going to be in a lot of pain. Of course we'll keep him as
comfortable as we can," she quickly added.

________________________

The nurse was right. Mulder awoke early that morning in terrible pain.
Scully could tell as he hunched his shoulders and squeezed his eyes
together tightly. His mouth was pulled up into a thin tight line as she
watched him shake. Scully saw him tug at the restraints. His eyes popped
open and filled with terror. She knew immediately what he was thinking
as she leaped out of her chair.

"NO!NO!NO MULDER! IT'S OKAY!"

She fought to free his hands as a nurse walked in.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" She said as she rushed to Mulder's bed.

Scully grabbed her roughly by an arm, stopping her, "You don't
understand..."

"No. You don't!" the nurse replied angrily, pulling her arm from
Scully's grasp. She reached for Mulder's free arm.

"DON'T!" Scully yelled, pushing her away from the bed. "Don't touch him.
You have no idea what he's been through."

"I'm getting the doctor," the nurse said as she turned and ran out the
door.

Scully had freed the other hand. She reached for the oxygen mask when
his look stopped her. She was too late. He was gone.

________________________

They found her crying by his bedside. Both the doctor and the nurse
quickly moved to the bed to examine Mulder. The nurse reached for one of
the restraints.

"You won't be needing them," Scully said so softly it was barely audible.

Both the nurse and doctor turned to face her.

"He's gone. We were too late." She began to cry again.

"Agent Scully... Agent Mulder is not gone..."

She began to shake her head. "You're wrong. His body's here. But he's
gone. I should have known. Why didn't I see it? I sat back and watched
as you forced him to relive it."

________________________

For a brief moment he had been free; free of the pain and horror of not
being able to breathe. His relief was short-lived. He knew he had been
unconscious and as he slowly tried to wake, the pain started as a far
off numbing feeling, growing and growing until it hit with a vengeance.
His body began to shake as the waves and waves of pain rolled through
him. He tried to move his hands but they were still tied.

<Oh God! He was still there. He was on the cross! There was no escape.>

He mentally shut down and grew still. He could make this his safe place.
He could learn to handle the pain as long as he remained still. If he
didn't move and remained quiet maybe they would go away. He just wanted
to be left alone.

________________________

Scully was right. The restraints weren't needed. Mulder lay limp in the
bed. When the pain got bad he would shake, but he never cried out. She
watched as the nurses worked on him. Changing bandages, drawing blood...
he never moved. Even when he was awake. She saw nothing in his eyes.
They were blank and lifeless, until he was touched and she saw them fill
with fear.

As he slept, she picked up one of his hands and covered it with her
other hand. She leaned toward Mulder and whispered, "Just know I'm here.
I won't leave you."

________________________

Scully got a call from Skinner later that night.

"Agent Scully, we have a plane coming for you and Agent Mulder tomorrow
morning to bring you back to DC."

"But Sir...," she started to protest, "he's not ready..."

"I've already discussed this with Dr. Maifeld," he said, cutting her
off. "Get some sleep. The flight leaves at 9:30 A.M."

"But...," she stopped when she realized she was talking to dead air.

Scully clicked off the phone and stared at it. She was furious. Her hand
shook as she started to redial Skinner's number but stopped, knowing it
was pointless.

Skinner hung up the phone. Scully had made no attempt to hide her anger.
He slipped off his glasses, closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He
knew she wouldn't understand he was doing this for her.

________________________

They carefully loaded Mulder into the ambulance. Scully took a seat
beside him as they drove with the lights flashing and sirens on back to
Denver International Airport. As they sped down Pena Boulevard, she
watched the white peaks of the airport come into view. Her mind flashed
to when they first landed so many weeks ago.

If only she had known...

Security escorted them to the waiting plane. There was a medical team
already on board ready to receive their patient. Scully was still angry
with Skinner and his decision. Order. There was no way Mulder should be
moved and she would remind Skinner of that when she saw him.

She impatiently waited while they worked on Mulder, preparing him for
the flight. When they were done she went to personally check on him
herself. He seemed no worse. He had been heavily sedated before being
transported. She looked into his face. His mouth hung open under he mask
as he drew in ragged breaths. His lips were still cut and swollen,
giving his mouth a lopsided look. The tissue around one eye was more
battered than the other. The bruises brighter, colored with deep
purples, yellows and greens.

Scully gently pushed back a couple strands of stray hair off his
forehead. She lightly touched his temple where the gun shot had missed
killing him by a mere inches. There were red scratches and cuts all over
his face. She closed her eyes and then slowly reopened them before
taking a seat beside the stretcher. She laid a hand lightly on his arm
before settling in for the four hour flight home. ________________________

Scully woke when she felt the hard bump of the wheels as they touched
down on the runway and the scream of the engines as the plane slowed.
She straightened in her seat and stretched. Her eyes were immediately
drawn to Mulder. He seemed to have handled the trip with no ill effects.

<Good thing for Skinner> she thought bitterly.

Scully leaned forward and looked out he window over a wing toward the
terminal. An ambulance with its lights flashing was waiting to take them
to the hospital. 

________________________ 

N.E. GEORGETOWN MEDICAL CENTER


As she watched them start to unload Mulder from the ambulance she was
surprised to feel a hand on her arm. It was her mother.

"Mom? How...," She was shocked.

"Assistant Director Skinner called..."

She quickly took her mother by the hand and pulled her away fro the
ambulance. She didn't want her to see Mulder. Not in that condition.
Maggie Scully tried to look over her daughter's shoulder toward Mulder.

"Don't Mom," She said sharply, then softened her voice as she shook her
head. "Not now."

Her mother looked into her daughter's face. Scully could feel her chin
start to tremble. She sucked in a quick breath as she tried to regain
her composure. Her mother started to pull her close.

"I have to go, Mom," she said as she pulled free.

"I'm going with you, Dana."

"No, Mom," she started to protest. "I don't want you seeing him. Not
like this."

"Dana, you can't do this alone. I'm coming."

Scully knew that tone. There was no arguing with her.

When they entered his room they already had him transferred to the bed
and were rehooking his IVs.

Maggie Scully gasped when the nurse stepped back and she got a glimpse
of Mulder. She covered her mouth with her hand. Tears instantly sprang
to her eyes. Scully took her mother's hand and squeezed it.

"I know, Mom," she said softly. 

________________________

ROOM 427

"How's he doing?'

The deep voice of Walter Skinner filled the room. Scully turned and saw
him framed in the door. As she started to stand, he waved her back to
her chair. He had not missed the anger in her eyes.

Skinner took the empty seat that her mother had vacated when she went to
the cafeteria t bring them back something to eat. Scully had told her
she wasn't hungry but she refused to listen.

Skinner and Scully sat side by side in tense silence, staring at Mulder
until Skinner said, "Agent Scully... you have to understand... I
couldn't afford to have two agents in the hospital."

Scully slowly turned toward him. The anger in her eyes was replaced by
intense sorrow.

"Why him, Sir?" she asked softly.

"Excuse me? I'm not sure I ..."

Scully interrupted him as irritation climbed into her voice. "Why was
Mulder sent there in the first place?"

"Agent Scully, Agent Mulder is an employee of the FBI..."

"I know the order came from you but I know you were as concerned as I
was about Mulder during the Mostow case. I don't think it was your idea
to put us in Aspen. I think someone else gave you the order. Who was it?"

"Agent Scully, you're beginning to sound as paranoid as ..."

Scully's look immediately cut him off.

"Who was it?" She asked again as she stared into Skinner's eyes. Skinner
knew she would not back down without an answer. He drew in a deep breath
and slowly released it. He spoke slowly as he carefully selected his words.

"All I can tell you is...there are changes coming that I have no control
over. You two need to be very careful or what you have worked for will
be lost."

Scully looked into Skinner's face and saw the sadness and frustration.
She knew there was nothing more he could tell her. He turned away from
her and looked at Mulder.

"How's he doing, Scully?" his voice softened. "How is he really doing?"
He was asking as a friend.

Scully closed her eyes and slowly reopened them. "They don't ... it's
too soon to tell."

He heard her tone change to Dr. Scully. "The major concern is the
aspiration pneumonia. It's difficult to treat on its own. Add to that
his already weakened condition, the infection, severe dehydration... I
guess I should be thankful he's alive at all."

Skinner glanced at his watch. "I'm sorry." His tone was sincere. "I need
to leave. I know you'll keep me informed of Mulder's condition and
progress." He stood and crossed to he door where he paused. "*You* take
care."

She heard him talking to someone outside the door then her mother
appeared carrying a tray of food. She set it on the table in the corner
of the room.

"Dana, come and eat."

Scully looked at her mother and then back to Mulder.

"Mom... I'm really not hungry," she protested.

Maggie picked up the container of soup and crossed to her daughter. She
pressed it into her hands.

"Do it for him." 

________________________

ONE WEEK LATER

Scully had insisted that her mother not cancel her plans to go to
California to take care of her young nephew, Matthew, when Bill and Tara
went to Hawaii for a vacation. It had been planned for over six months.
Scully had appreciated her mother's support and help during the first
week. It had allowed her to regain some of her strength for what she
knew would be a long vigil.

They sat together in the hospital the day her mother was to leave.

Maggie Scully took her daughter's hand. "You have to promise me, Dana,
that you'll take care of yourself."

"I will, Mom. Please don't worry..."

"Dana, what kind of mother would I be if I didn't," she said with a
small smile. Her eyes wandered to Mulder as she released her daughter's
hand. She leaned over his bed and whispered in his ear before stopping
to place a kiss on his forehead. Her eyes closed as her lips moved in a
silent prayer. Before she turned to face her daughter she drew in a long
breath and released it. Scully could see her mother fight back the tears.

"I'll call when I get in," she said, as she hugged her daughter hard.

"Thanks, Mom." Her voice sounded almost child-like. It was the voice she
hated at times but found comfort in today. Before her mother left she
would play the child one more time. 

________________________

The fear and pain Mulder felt were so basic and raw. He was left at
their mercy, powerless to control them. They consumed him and left
little of his former self. He couldn't even rein them in or rise above
them. He was simply too weak.

With his eyes closed he lived in the darkness but when his eyes opened a
kaleidoscope of colors and brief images moved before him. Rarely did the
colors slow so he could make out the images. Usually they traveled in a
blur that made him dizzy. 

________________________

Scully heard a timid knock at the door. It opened slowly and Frohike
stuck his head in. She could see Langly and Byers crowded behind him.
She raised Mulder's hand to her lips and gave it a gentle kiss before
she put it back on the bed and tucked it underneath the blanket.

She waved them into the room. They came in but stood by the door, almost
afraid to come all the way in.

Finally, Frohike grabbed a chair and set it beside Scully's. Byers and
Langly looked at each other then walked to the foot of Mulder's bed.

"Thanks...," Scully smiled a tired smile. "Makes me feel better knowing
the calvery's here."

None of them could take their eyes off of Mulder. Frohike turned to
Scully and started to say something but the words wouldn't come out. She
could see the horror in his face. And pain. Pain for a friend.

Mulder's eyes slowly opened.

"Mulder..." they all said in unison but stopped. They looked at Scully
searching for the answer.

"What... Where is he?" Frohike asked.

Scully could only shake her head. She could feel the tears start to fill
her eyes. Frohike took her hand and squeezed it.

"It's okay, Dana."

<Dana>

She smiled and squeezed his hand back.

"Who did this to him? I'd like to kick his ass..." Frohike said angrily.

"I think that was the problem... His ass has been kicked too many
times... Thanks for coming."

"Scully... come with us tonight. You look like you need a break. Pizza
and brewskis... our treat. What do ya say?"

Both Langly and Byers were nodding in agreement. Her eyes flicked to
Mulder.

"He'll be okay...," Frohike said, trying to reassure her. "Remember,
we're talking about Mulder." He was afraid that his voice sounded more
strained than reassuring. 

________________________

CROWBAR 1006 20th Street Washington, DC

It proved to be a nice break. The bar was noisy and loud. It smelled of
greasy food, perfume and cigarettes. Very different from the stale
antiseptic smell of the hospital. Byers, Langly and Frohike surprised
Scully by being entertaining dinner companions. Langly had a wonderful
sense of humor, while Byers played straight man for his jokes. And
Frohike...dear Frohike was the ever attentive host, making sure she had
enough to eat and drink. She could tell they were all working hard to
keep her mind off of Mulder. She looked around the table at these odd
men, thinking how wrong she had been when she first met them years ago.
She was ashamed that at first she couldn't see the truth in their words.
How naive she had been.

Frohike excused himself and went to the jukebox. Suddenly Elvis came on
singing "Blue Suede Shoes." He walked back to the table, flipped up the
collar on his jacket and held his hand out to Scully, an invitation to
dance. Scully looked at his hand to his face.

She smiled and took it. Was it the alcohol or her way of thanking him?
Or both?

"A little fast for me. Mind if we keep it slow?"

His eyes lit up as he said, "No problemo. I'll even let you lead."

Frohike held her at a safe distance. Conscious of not pulling her too
close and watching where his hands were at all times. Scully looked at
him, amused.

"This is hard," he apologized, "Not my usual style. But Mulder's a
friend and no way do I move in on a friend's turf..."

"Turf?" Scully said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Sorry... no insult intended. We all know you're "off-limits"..."

"'Off-limits'? Says who?" questioned Scully.

"Well... Mulder..." His eyes widened, "You mean you *are* avail.."

Scully cut him off. "What did he say?" Her face grew serious.

"Mulder doesn't need to say anything. We all know. You must know how he
feels about you...Don't you? I mean, I've seen him with other women.
Like Diana... She's smart and definitely a 'looker'..." He suddenly
looked uncomfortable. "Scully... just say 'Melvin shut up' and I won't
be offended a bit."

"No...," she slowly said, "I want to know... I need... go on."

Frohike shrugged his shoulders. "He loves you." He looked at her as if
he had just stated the most obvious fact. "You're good for him. Not a
user. Boy, Mulder was a real magnet for those type of women.
Although..." he thought wistfully, "I'd never throw Mulder's leftovers
out of bed for eating crackers." 

________________________

Scully looked at her watch. She needed to get back to the hospital to
check on Mulder before she headed home to get some sleep before a full
day of work.

They dropped her off at the hospital. Before they pulled away she poked
her head back in the VW van.

"Thanks, guys. That was nice."

"Anytime, Scully. How about tomorrow night?" Frohike said a little too
eagerly.

"Well, actually tomorrow is today," she said looking at her watch. It
was 12:30. "Maybe later..." Her voice trailed off as she looked toward
the hospital. 

________________________

Scully took her seat by Mulder's bed. His eyes were closed and he
appeared to be sleeping. She sat quietly listening to Mulder's ragged
breaths coming from under the oxygen mask. She had to go home tonight.
She had to get some sleep or she would be joining Mulder in the
hospital. The beer was taking affect. She was getting sleepy. Scully
leaned her forehead against the bedrail and reached for one of Mulder's
hands. She held it lightly in hers and closed her eyes. She would just
rest for a minute as Frohike's words played in her head. "He loves you.
He loves you..." They slowly faded as she fell into a deep sleep.
________________________

Scully woke with a start, unsure of where she was.

"I'm sorry," the nurse apologized. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's okay," Scully muttered. She groaned as she stretched and looked
at her watch.

<Damn>

She had slept there all night, leaving her less than an hour to get to
work. She wondered if anyone would notice that she was wearing the same
clothes from the day before.

Scully stood up, bent over Mulder and watched his face for several long
moments. His eyes opened and she searched them for any sign of
recognition, but they just looked past her to a spot on the far wall. It
was heartbreaking not to see him reflected in her eyes. The passion. The
life. Gone.

"Mulder?"

No response.

She raised her hand to touch his face. He slowly turned his head away
from her hand; the movement almost mechanical. She lowered her hand
toward his face. He stiffened and tried to push himself deeper into his
bed. She lightly touched him. She heard him draw in a quick breath and
hold it. His eyes looked panicky. Once she had withdrawn her hand, he
released his breath and relaxed. 

________________________

As Mulder felt his face being touched he stiffened and waited for the
pain to come from the constant poking, prodding and pulling. He tried to
remain quiet.

He thought he had found his safe place in the darkness. But from the
perimeter of the blackness he heard angry voices. Screaming. Crying. One
was female. The other was male. As each day passed they grew louder and
louder. 

________________________

Scully hurried back to the hospital after work, praying that today would
be different. That Mulder would be back. Whole. But he was no better.
She took her seat beside his bed and began talking to him as she had
done every day since he had been admitted. She had no idea if he even
heard her or understood what she was telling him. She talked about her
day, work, the weather, traffic. Talking and talking until she hated the
sound of her voice. Hoping and praying that somehow something was
reaching him. He needed to understand that she was not letting him go.
________________________

Mulder woke up in darkness. At first he hadn't recognized the voices.
There were three now- a woman and two men. The words they were screaming
at each other were lost in the anger and fury. Just noise. Frightening
noise, full of emotion and terror. Suddenly he heard what they were
saying with clarity. The woman was his mother. She was crying and
sobbing. The heartwrenching sobs of a mother trying to protect her
children. Her child.

"NOT MY BABY! NOT SAMANTHA! NO!NO!NO!"

"Then let them take the bastard..." It was his father's voice. "Take the
boy."

Another voice, male and strangely familiar answered, "It's not your
decision, Bill. The boy could be useful in the future. Of course, he
would be your choice... remove the embarrassment and shame from your
house. You are too weak to look at the big picture. Too weak and pathetic."

Everything grew silent then suddenly he heard his sister's screams and
her crying out for his help.

"FOX! FOX!"

And just like so many times before, he was powerless to save her.
________________________

APARTMENT OF DANA SCULLY Georgetown

Scully threw her keys on the coffee table. She had forced herself to
leave the hospital at a reasonable hour. She needed to sleep... or at
least try. She had just slipped out of her jacket when she heard the
knock on her door.

"Yes?" She asked before opening the door.

"Ms. Scully? This is Mr. Lohr."

It was her landlord.

He stood with a large, thick manila envelope clutched in his hand. "This
came for you this afternoon. It looked important."

Scully thanked him, reading the address as she slowly closed the door.
It was from Aspen. She sat down heavily on the sofa and slipped her
shoes off. She ripped it open and spilled the contents out on the coffee
table. It was the autopsy report on Mulder's abductor. The photos caught
her attention. She grimaced as she looked at the pictures. Even though
she had been warned earlier about the condition of the man's body, she
was not prepared to see it in 8x10 glossy color.

The Pitkin County Coroner had called several days earlier to tell her
what the preliminary examination had revealed. During his life the man
had suffered the worst child abuse the coroner had ever seen. They still
had not been able to identify the man. There was no record he had ever
existed. She picked up the one picture showing the man's arms. There
were long scars that ran from his wrists to his elbows. The man had cut
Mulder exactly as he had been cut. She quickly read through the autopsy
report. There were tears in her eyes when she finished. The man
literally had had every bone in his body broken. Some twice. Disgusted
and sickened she angrily threw the report on the table and hurried to
the bathroom where she bent over the toilet and threw up.
________________________

The voices had returned. This time there were only two. His mother and
his father. His mother was screaming with the insane rage of a woman who
had failed to protect her child. He remembered hearing the same anger as
a child. His mother's anger directed toward his father who in turn
directed it toward his son. It had frightened him then as it frightened
him now. His defense had been to hide. To be quiet and unseen. He
mentally curled himself into a tight ball, threw an arm over his head
and pressed a hand to his mouth. It was difficult breathing that way but
he had to be quiet. Mulder couldn't risk having his father hear him if a
cry slipped out of his mouth. 

________________________

Scully could tell he wasn't getting better. In fact, to her trained ear,
he was getting worse. She could hear his breaths becoming more rapid and
shallow.

She heard Dr. Powell enter the room. She turned frightened eyes toward him.

"He's getting worse."

"Yes," Dr. Powell admitted slowly. "This has been a difficult case. We
need to tube him. He's not getting enough oxygen. Aspiration pneumonia
is difficult to treat, as you know. He needs to have the oxygen pumped
directly into his lungs with an endotracheal tube, either through his
mouth or nose. And if he gets worse we are going to have to put him on a
ventilator. You know the danger of that. If he vomits he could
reaspirate. Septicemia could set in... I changed his antibiotics this
morning. We'll wait 24 hours and re-evaluate his condition. Get another
picture of his chest, too. We're using the bronchiodilators to open up
his airways and keep them open. He had a rough morning. His temp spiked
to 102. We're trying to keep him hydrated. It's been a real struggle. We
redid his CBC, arterial blood gas and blood cultures. Should have the
results shortly."

He looked sympathetically at Scully. "I'm sorry I don't have better
news. If you would like I can go over our new course of treatment in
more detail."

Scully nodded and stood up. Dr. Powell lifted her chair and carried it
to the corner table. He took a seat and opened Mulder's medical charts,
spreading them on the table.

"As a doctor you know we have a problem with an increasing number of
bacteria developing a resistance to antibiotics. The staphylococci are
producing penicillinases that are preventing the penicillin from killing
them. I changed his antibiotics to vancomycin. If the vancomycin doesn't
work..." he looked at Scully, "I'm open to suggestions. We are going in
today to resuction out his trachea to clear out the particles and
secretions, and switch him to albuterol... fewer side effects. We're
doing daily x-rays, not only front to back but also a side view for a
better picture..."

"Why not a CT scan?" questioned Scully.

"You're right..." he said nodding in agreement. "We really need to take
a more aggressive approach. Although I hesitated putting him on
corticosteroids..." Dr. Powell said, thinking out loud, "... it would
help decrease the inflammation. I hate using them... too many side
effects. But we may be forced to. I checked several of my medical
references. There is a condition called 'Farmer's Lung and Thatched Roof
Worker's Lung'. Mostly see it in Third World countries. Caused by
theromophilic found in moldy hay and straw. If we don't see a marked
improvement in Agent Mulder's condition I want to do bronchoscopy. Hit
him with some atropine and run a tube down his throat." Dr. Powell
looked at his watch. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have an
appointment in about 5 minutes."

Scully stood up. "Thank you, Doctor. I know you're doing everything
possible."

After the doctor left Scully slowly lowered herself down into the chair,
closed her eyes and laid her head on the table. She was exhausted.
Emotionally and physically wrung dry. 

________________________

"Damn," the nurse looked up at Scully. Her cheeks flushed red with
embarrassment. "Sorry. Would you mind watching him for a minute? I need
to go get something."

"Sure," Scully said, standing and moving to his bed. The nurse had
slipped out of the room, leaving her alone with Mulder. Scully looked at
his bare chest and watched as it slowly rose and fell. There were fading
bruises over bruises in a sick pattern of yellows, purples and greens.
Her eyes quickly looked toward the open door then back to him. She
slowly moved her hand and placed it gently over his heart. She felt the
soft bump of it against her palm.

<Come on, Dana. Find the hope. For him. For you.>

Scully leaned close, her hand still resting on his chest, and whispered
in his ear, "I know you're in there, Mulder. You have to understand how
important it is that you come back." Her voice caught as she said, "I
miss you." 

________________________


It became a routine. Her routine. Scully would get up early and go to
work then to the hospital and then home. Work. Hospital. Home. Her life,
nothing more than this endless cycle.

Mulder hadn't gotten any worse and she accepted that as victory. Some
days she was too exhausted to even speak to him but instead laid her
hand on his arm and stroked it to let him know she was there.

There were times when she missed him so much she would phone his
apartment and wait for the recorder to pick up

"This is Fox Mulder. Leave a message."

She just wanted...needed to hear his voice.

Sometimes when she went to feed his fish she would curl up on his couch
and wrap herself in one of his blankets. She smelled his faint scent on
it and found it comforting. As she looked around his familiar apartment
she could see him sitting at his desk...standing in the doorway...

The quiet gave her time to think. About him. About them. She would check
his phone messages, never once finding a call from his mother. She
sorted through his mail, paying the bills that needed to be paid,
setting the other ones aside. 

______________________________

Mulder could feel her start to slip away. But he was tired, so tired. He
knew he needed to work harder. Fight. Fight out of the fear that she
might not wait. And that scared him most of all because there was no
hope for him without her. 

______________________________

Dr. Powell handed Scully the stethoscope. "Here, take a listen." He
didn't try to hide the smile that touched his lips.

Scully quickly pressed the ends into her ears and listened. The
crackling and wheezing sounds in his lungs were much fainter than the
day before.

"We'll keep this treatment up for at least a week to be on the safe
side. But..." His smile broadened, "I'm optimistic."

Scully could feel her eyes fill with tears.

<Oh my God was this nightmare really going to be over?>

She handed Dr. Powell his stethoscope and looked up at him gratefully.

"Thank you," she said softly as the tears began to fall.

Dr. Powell reached out and gently squeezed her shoulder. "No...thank
you, Agent Scully. We both know it was more than medicine that saved
your partner." 

_____________________________

It was the month anniversary of his first day in the hospital. He had
been there exactly four weeks.

<Four weeks, nine hours and thirty-seven minutes.>

Physically he was better - well enough to leave the hospital. Scully had
hoped that once his physical injuries had healed, his mind would have
followed.

But that would have been too easy.

Too easy and too fair. Nothing of this ordeal had been fair. Too many
nights she had cursed and cried herself to sleep. She tried to ready
herself for what she knew was next. She dreaded and feared it. Would she
have enough strength? 

__________________________________________

"It's time, Agent Scully," said Dr. Powell.

Scully nodded solemnly. "I had hoped..." She closed her eyes and then
re-opened them to say, "Arrangements have been made. He's going to be
transferred to a psychiatric facility in Georgetown. It'll be easier for
me to see him. It's only about twenty minutes from my apartment.
Supposed to be one of the best in the country. We're going to move him
there the day after tomorrow. I still need to sign some papers. That
gives your hospital time to get his release papers together."

_________________________________________

Mulder sat in the back seat looking out the window. Skinner adjusted the
rear-view mirror so he could watch him. Heavy lids hung over half-open
eyes, as his head bobbed with the motion of the car. He started to lean
sleepily towards Scully. With a jerk he righted himself but ever so
slowly sank down into the seat. She carefully pulled him to her, resting
his head in her lap. As Mulder slept, Scully's hand slowly stroked his
hair. She caught Skinner watching them. He quickly looked away.

Mulder was still asleep when they arrived. Skinner turned to say, "I'll
get someone to bring a wheelchair..."

"Sir...," Scully started, "Could you wait just a minute?"

Skinner nodded, understanding what she was asking. "Whenever you're
ready, I'll let them know we're here."

_________________________________________

ONE WEEK LATER

He was so thin. His cheeks were hollow. Dark circles around his eyes
adding to the haunted appearance. When he tried to eat his hands shook
so badly he required assistance. He ate just enough to keep himself alive.

Twice daily a nurse would come and administer a sedative so he could
sleep. When he wasn't sleeping, he sat quietly with his hands
unconsciously rubbing up and down the fresh, long scars on his arms. Or
he held his left hand pressed tightly to his body.

Scully would come and either help feed him or cradle him in her arms
while he slept. She would lower her head over his and talk to him as her
hand gently smoothed the hair from his face. In the week he had been
here, not once had he acknowledged her.

One night after dinner he became ill and threw up. When Scully stood up
to clean the mess, he flung himself on the floor and rolled into a tight
ball.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" The words ran together in terrified
sobs. 

_________________________________

Fox avoided his father's eyes as he asked for permission to leave the
dinner table so he could go to his room. He tried not to look at the
food on his plate. Just looking at it caused his stomach to do slow
rolls. He could feel the sting of bile in his throat. He swallowed hard.
He knew his father was in a particularly foul mood. It was the weekend.
His father always started drinking early on the weekends. Saturdays and
Sundays Fox tried to be gone. Begging his few friends to ask their
parents if he could stay over. Missing lunch and coming in late to
quickly eat dinner and escape outside during the warm months or to go to
his secret place in the basement under the stairs to read.

His father glared at him through reddened eyes. "No."

"Bill..." his mother started, her tone non-confrontational. "Fox looks a
little pale."

She stopped immediately when she saw the look on her husband's face.

Fox knew there was no arguing. He turned to his mother. Pleading with
his eyes. Their eyes met for a brief moment before she lowered hers and
looked away. He knew he was on his own. He swallowed hard, picked up his
fork and closed his eyes. He slowly re-opened them to look at the food.
That was all it took. He quickly pushed away from the table and threw
up. His father roared as he stumbled out of his chair towards Fox.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" Fox screamed as he fell from his
chair and rolled into a tight ball. He saw the shadow of his father loom
over him. 

_________________________________

Scully stood frozen, startled by his reaction. Although hoarse, his
voice sounded so child-like. Scully watched, horrified, then slowly
knelt and reached for him. He recoiled from her touch. But she held her
hand steady and with soothing words let him know it was okay. Fifteen
minutes passed before he raised his head and carefully pushed to his
knees. He avoided making eye contact with her. She cautiously cupped his
chin in her hand and gently raised his head. At first he resisted, then
allowed her to raise it enough to make eye contact. His eyes found hers.
There was the briefest flash of recognition. He quietly whispered,
"Help." His eyes pleaded.

Heads bowed, they touched foreheads. With an open hand she stroked his
face and whispered in his ear, "I'm here Mulder." She drew back and
kissed his cheek, letting her lips linger. Scully could feel his jaw
tighten and knew she was losing him. She rocked back and looked into his
eyes. Whatever recognition he had found was gone. Swept away.

OFFICE OF DR. SAMUEL GEARHARDT Georgetown Psychiatric Hospital

"I'm at a loss Agent Scully," Dr. Gearhardt said. "I've reviewed his
current and past medical records...the reports on the circumstances of
where and how you found him. Even though Agent Mulder is a trained FBI
agent.... I don't know of any person who could have endured what he did
without some sort of psychological damage. It will be difficult to make
progress as long as he doesn't communicate with us...We've diagnosed him
with PTSD and beyond that, we can only maintain him physically and keep
him safe."

"Yesterday...," Scully hesitated. "He did speak."

Dr. Gearhardt raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Scully explained what had happened. "It wasn't Mulder's voice. It was a
child's. I'm sorry I didn't tell you immediately. I needed to think
about it. I've seen my partner profile killers before and he has the
uncanny ability to get inside their heads. It frightens me. It's
frightening to watch, what it does to him. It's almost as if Mulder and
killer become one. The man that did this to him was severely abused. Do
you think it's possible that Mulder has become this man? Reliving his
abuse?"

"That's an interesting theory..." He said slowly before he paused to
look through the records spread out on the table before them. He would
wait to tell her his theory.

"Agent Scully, how long have you and Agent Mulder been partners?"

"Going on six years."

"What do you know of his childhood? His family?"

A puzzled look crossed her face. "His childhood?...," she stammered.
"I'm sorry, not much. I believe his mother is his only living relative.
Mulder is not a very open person. He tends to keep people at a distance."

"Even you?"

"I think I know Mulder better than anyone."

"How would you describe him?"

Dr. Gearhardt watched her expression brighten as she began to speak
about her partner.

"Mulder is a passionate, brilliant man - driven to a fault at times. His
work is his life." Dr. Gearhardt saw the admiration in her face.

"And your relationship? Would you consider yourselves friends?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation. "But more...there's a completeness
to us, an intimacy..." And added quickly, "Nothing physical. I feel at
times we're so connected that we are one. My weaknesses are his
strengths and vice versa."

"But in the six years of being together you don't know..."

"Dr. Gearhardt..., " Scully cut him off and leaned forward. "Please,
just what is it you want to know?"

The doctor sat back and smiled at Scully. He nodded.

"Did you know I could not access all of Agent Mulder's medical records
from his childhood? Primarily from the ages of twelve to seventeen. The
only record I have during that time is from a doctor in Massachusetts
for a physical examination prior to his admittance to Oxford. It appears
as if his parents divorced during that period. The form was signed by a
Teena Mulder who indicated she was a divorcee."

"No records?" Scully looked at the doctor, alarmed. "There must be some
mistake."

"Oh, the records are there. The FBI has refused to turn them over to me.
Said they were un available."

"Unavailable?"

"Do you have any idea what happened to Agent Mulder during that time
that would warrant this reaction to my request?"

Scully's eyes met the doctor's. He saw a trace of fear in them.

"Only one thing...", Scully looked away from him and, choosing her words
carefully, began to speak.

"When Agent Mulder was twelve..." She stopped. "...he had an eight year
old sister, Samantha, who disappeared one night."

"Disappeared? How?"

Scully looked uncomfortable. "No one knows for sure what happened to
her. She was taken from their house while my partner was home with her
babysitting. To this day, she has not been found. He never remembered
anything about her disappearance until about ten years ago when he
undewent hypnosis."

Dr. Gearhardt quickly ran his finger over one of the papers in Mulder's
file. "With a Dr. Werber? Is that Heitz Werber?"

"Yes." Scully said slowly. She saw something in the doctor's eyes. It
was a reaction to the name and she could tell it was not a favorable one.

"Dr. Gearhardt, is that a problem?"

Dr. Gearhardt shook his head, "No, I suppose the man has a
place...Excuse me, that was inappropriate. Do you know why your partner
sought Dr. Werber's help?"

Scully drew in a deep breath and released it.

"My partner was having nightmares and wanted to find their cause. He
believed hypnosis would help him discover the truth about the
disappearance of his sister. After his sessions with Dr. Werber, he came
to believe that his sister was abducted."

"Abducted? By whom?" The doctor pressed her to continue.

"Not by whom..." Scully's eyes met the doctor's. "But by what."

"What?"

"By aliens."

Dr. Gearhardt didn't flinch.

"You seem surprised by my lack of a reaction. I'm familiar with Dr.
Werber's work. Agent Scully, what do you believe happened to her? Could
your partner have hurt..."

"Oh God no," Scully said quickly, shaking her head. "I honestly don't
know what happened. Convicted serial killer John Lee Roche tried to
convince Mulder that he killed her."

"You didn't believe him?"

"No, I think he was trying to get back at Mulder for putting him in
prison."

"But it's a more plausible theory than being abducted by aliens, right?"

"Dr. Gearhartd, I am a scientist and a doctor but I must confess that I
have seen things in these last six years that science has no answers
for." She paused and looked the doctor directly in the eye.

"Mulder is not insane. I just want you to know that."
____________________________________

Mulder's eyes followed her as she walked into the room. Scully carefully
pulled up a chair. She reached into her jacket pocket and withdrew the
photographs. This had been Dr. Gearhardt's idea. Observing her continued
devotion to her partner, he realized she was the key to his recovery.
But he could also see the strain in her face and voice grow from day to
day. It was taking an enormous toll on her.

Scully's eyes darted to the door, where Dr. Gearhardt watched from the
window. She held up one of the photos for Mulder to see before she laid
it on the table in front of him.

"It's Maroon Bells, Mulder."

He did not lower his eyes to look at the picture.

"Crater Lake," she said, holding another picture in front of him and
laying it with the other on the table.

She showed him all the photos except two. She held up one of them arm in
arm, his coat wrapped protectively around her. The final picture was a
grove of aspens. She pushed it close to his face.

"You said we could go back. Did you mean that?" she asked in a hoarse
whisper.

There was no sign that any of it was registering. She turned desperate
eyes towards the closed door.

<This is not working, this is not working...>

Scully turned her attention back to Mulder. She watched him for several
long minutes before gathering up the pictures. She started to put them
back into her pocket but changed her mind and took out half of the
pictures. She stood and walked to his side. Scully held them out, hoping
he would make some effort to take them from her. But he didn't move. She
placed them on his lap, then stepped away. One photo started to slide
off, followed by another and another. Mulder made no attempt to stop
them from falling to the floor. She felt herself start to lose it.
Bitter tears stung her eyes as she bent to pick them up. She suddenly
stopped and moved close to Mulder's face.

"You have to help me," she pleaded. "I'm here. I'm waiting. It's time to
come back."

She couldn't hide the anger and frustration in her voice.

"Dammit!"

Scully had to get out of there. She quickly straightened and fled from
the room. Dr. Gearhardt stepped away from the door and extended a
supportive hand. The look on Scully's face warned him to stay away. She
paused with her back pressed against the closed door until great choking
sobs doubled her over. It felt like this would never end. With each
passing day she could feel her strength ebbing away. It was time to face
reality. The harsh truth that Mulder might not get better. In anger and
frustration she jammed her hand into her pocket and grabbed her car
keys. Her hand hit the bottle of pills. Tonight she was going to get
some sleep.

"Agent Scully...."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she said, turning to run down the hall.

Mulder could hear her cries. His fist clenched and unclenched as his jaw
tightened. A part of him wanted to stand and go to her, but the rest of
his body refused to cooperate. 

________________________________

Scully hurried to the hospital. She couldn't believe she hadn't gone to
visit Mulder yesterday. The guilt was overwhelming, even though she had
finally gotten twelve hours of much-needed sleep. By the time she
reached the hospital she felt frantic. Her insides were churning.

<How could she have done that? What if something terrible had happened?>

She tried to soothe her fears with logic.

<They would have called. If something had happened, the hospital would
have called.>

Her breathing eased, but she couldn't rid herself of the guilt. Scully
hurried down the hallway to his room. Mulder's eyes followed her as she
walked into the room. Scully carefully pulled up a chair. She waited for
him to shift his weight away from her or leave. He didn't move. She
reached out and took his hand. It was limp, but he did not pull away.
With her thumb she caressed the top of it with slow circles.

"I'm sorry Mulder," she quietly apologized.

They sat that way for hours until she had to leave. She squeezed his
hand, rose and moved the chair back to its place against the wall. She
cast one final look at Mulder and left, the door locking loudly behind her.

Mulder's mouth moved silently. He stumbled to the door and began
pounding on it. He swallowed several times before he found his voice.  

"scully... Scully... SCULLY!"

Scully was rounding the corner when she heard someone call her name. It
was so faint that she thought it was her imagination. She stopped,
turned and looked down the hallway. It was empty. She stood quietly and
listened. Someone was calling her name. Scully took two halting steps,
unsure of where the voice was coming from.

<Mulder?>

She sprinted back to his room, and raised up on her tip-toes to peer
through the observation window. She could hear him pounding on and
kicking the door. Scully opened it cautiously. Mulder backed away as she
entered.

"Mulder?" she whispered as she stepped into the room.

He stood in front of her, breathless. His good hand was clenched at his
side. His head was down. She took a step towards him and he raised his
face, making eye contact. He raised his hands and held them out to her.

"Mulder?"

He gave her one hard look before his eyes rolled back and his knees
buckled. She caught him as best she could and eased him to the floor.
__________________________________

Scully was becoming concerned. Mulder has been out for over fourteen
hours. He lay motionless, the steady rise and fall of his chest the only
movement. There was no indication he was going to regain consciousness
anytime soon. No tell-tale eye movement under closed lids. No moans or
groans. Nothing.

She had looked away for the briefest moment. When she looked back, his
eyes were open and staring at her.

"Mulder?" she cautiously asked.

He swallowed with difficulty before he croaked, "It's me." He drew in a
deep breath and tried to adjust his position on the bed. His eyes slowly
scanned the room. "Don't know where I am...," he whispered. His glance
fell on her, looking for the answer. "....but I do know where I've been."

"Do you know who I am?" Scully questioned.

He managed a weary sigh and a weak smile. "You're Dana Katherine Scully,
badge number JTT0331613, FBI Agent...slash...Doctor...slash...partner
and second-guesser to Fox William Mulder."

Scully closed her eyes and her shoulders sagged in relief. Mulder saw
happiness in her eyes when she reopened them. She lightly touched his
arm, "I thought you were gone."

Mulder pushed the covers back and groaned as he pulled himself into a
sitting position.

"You know Scully, I might want to stay gone. The FBI gets one look at
this medical bill and my insurance premiums are going to go through the
roof. They just might start billing me. That alone would put anyone into
a catatonic state. Or they might start adding exclusions like
kidnappings by deranged serial killers..." His voice trailed off. He
looked at her. His face grew hard and serious. There was fear in his eyes.

"I was gone Scully. I was so far gone..." His head dropped to his chest.

"Mulder...it's over." Scully leaned forward and took his hand, giving it
a reassuring squeeze.

Mulder lifted his head and searched her face then quietly said, "Is it?"
______________________________

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR KERSH'S OFFICE FBI HEADQUARTERS

"Agent Scully, it's a pleasure to finally meet you."

The man's voice sounded strained, as if giving praise or compliments was
foreign to him.

Scully slowly extended her hand to shake the new AD's.

"Please have a seat," he said as he waved her to a chair.

"I heard Agent Mulder will be coming back to the Bureau by the end of
the week. That's wonderful news."

The way Kersh said the word wonderful was forced and insincere. Scully
watched the man through suspicious eyes. She coud feel
herself...them...being set up.

"I thought you would like to know that the X-Files are being re-opened."

"Sir?" Her eyes widened as she quickly straightened in her chair. Her
mind was racing.

<Mulder will be so...>

She was so engrossed in how she was going to tell Mulder that she almost
missed what Kersh was saying.

"...until Agent Mulder is back on his feet. Agents Fowley and Spender
will be the agents in charge."

Scully's head jerked up. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the new AD.
She thought she saw the faintest smile touch his lips, then disappear.

"So this is a temporary arrangement?" Scully's words came out slow and
measured. She was furious.

"Of course, Agent Scully."

Scully knew the man was lying. So this was one of the "changes" Skinner
had tried to warn her about.

"You and Agent Mulder will be reassigned until he is deemed fit to
continue in the field. Unless you would like to be paired with a new
partner..."

"No," Scully said quickly. She saw a flash of regret in Kersh's eyes. It
was exactly what he wanted - to split them up. Divide and conquer.

"If you change your mind..."

"If that will be all sir," Scully said, cutting him off and letting him
know that was not an option. She needed to get out of the room before
she said or did anything she would later regret.

<The bastard! How was she going to break the news to Mulder?>

"You'll have your new assignments by the end of the week." He lowered
his head and returned his attention to the report that was open on his
desk. It was Scully's signal that the meeting was officially over. She
rose from the chair and walked stiffly to the closed door. She paused
briefly with her hand on the knob. She started to turn to say something
but stopped, opened the door and walked through it, fighting the urge to
slam it shut.

She stalked past Kersh's secretary and hurried down the hall into one of
the women's restrooms. Scully leaned over the sink, her hands gripping
the edges until her knuckles turned white. She raised her head and
looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was red with anger, her blue
eyes dark with rage. She now knew whose order had sent them to Aspen.
There was no doubt in her mind Kersh knew everything about Mulder. He
knew exactly what buttons to push. She splashed water onto her face and
quickly toweled it off before seeking out Skinner's new office.
________________________________________

"I'm sorry Agent Scully, he's unavailable," said Skinner's secretary.

"I need to speak to him. It's important. If I need to wait, I will."
Scully tried to hide the desperation in her voice.

The door opened and Skinner started to step through. He saw Scully and
abruptly halted.

"Sir please I need just a minute of your time."

"Please inform Agent Scully that I am no longer to have any contact with
her or Agent Mulder," he instructed his secretary as he stepped back
into his office and closed the door. Scully looked at the secretary to
the closed door.

"I...," Scully started, struggling to find the words through her anger.
She slowly shook her head and backed away from Skinner's secretary.
Scully smiled a bitter smile at her. It was all a game. Her. Mulder.
They meant nothing. They were expendable.
___________________________________

Mulder sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Scully helped him
finish with the final buttons on his shirt. She kept her head down and
avoided looking at him.

"What, Scully?"

When she raised her eyes to meet his, they were filled with sadness.

"Later Mulder. Let's get you out of here first," she said with a smile.

Scully looked at Mulder as he stood up. His clothes hung off him
like...a scarecrow. She closed her eyes and shuddered at the thought.
Her eyes snapped open as his hand touched hers.

"Scully?"

She quickly took his hand and squeezed hard.

"Come on," she said as she tugged on his hand.
__________________________________

They sat quietly in her car. Mulder turned to look at her when she made
no move to start it. . Her hand rested on the key in the ignition.

"I know we haven't discussed this Mulder, but.....," she turned to face
him, "I want you to come home with me."

He looked into her face and knew he couldn't say no. Nor did he want to.
__________________________________

Scully was in the living room busy making up the roll-away bed she had
borrowed from her mother. She folded an extra blanket at the bottom of
the bed.

"I want you to sleep in my room."

"No way Scully....not unless you're going to be sleeping in there too,"
he said with a grin.

Scully had the pillow tucked under her chin as she struggled to get the
pillow case on. She paused, lowered the pillow and looked into his eyes.
"Mulder..." He could hear the emotion in her voice and see her eyes
glisten with tears.

Mulder moved to her, pulled the pillow from her hands and set it on the
bed. He carefully took her arms and pulled her close. He wrapped her
arms around his waist and immediately felt her tighten her grip around
him. He placed his arms lightly on her shoulders and set his chin on top
of her head. As she pushed close, he responded by pulling her closer.
Scully pressed her ear into his warm chest, listening to the comforting
sound of his heart beating. It had been a long journey. She was going to
enjoy this moment.

"I..., "she started again.

"I know Scully, I missed you too," he said softly.
___________________________________

Mulder had insisted on getting a pizza.

"Mulder, I don't know..."

"Scully come on, you were just bitching - but in a wonderful way - that
I needed to eat."

"Okay," she said, giving in. "What do you want on it? Your usual? The
HazMat Special?"

His face darkened for a moment. "How about just a double cheese?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Thin or thick?"

"Thick."

"Hand tossed or...?

"Scully, how the hell did you function without me? Hand tossed. Tell
them we'll pick it up. Let's get two so I'll have something to eat for
breakfast besides your yogurt and bee pollen."

Scully dialed the number. "Wait a minute." She covered the phone with
her hand. "Mulder it's going to be at least an hour. You want to wait?"

He nodded. He stood over her as she hung up the phone.

"Come on, let's walk."

"But Mulder the pizzas will be cold by the time..." He pulled her out of
the chair and led her into the kitchen. He pointed at the microwave.

"See this square device with the buttons?"

She was tempted to drive her elbow into his side but was afraid she
might hurt him.

"Okay smart ass, let's go." 

___________________________________

"Sorry," he apologized. "I just needed to get some fresh air."

She smiled back at him. It was a nice evening as they walked
side-by-side in the warm night air. Mulder drew in deep breaths until he
suddenly stopped and began to cough hard. Scully laid a hand on his back
as he doubled over.

"Mulder?" Her voice was filled with concern.

He tried to wave her away. When he was finally able to catch his breath
he smiled a weak smile and brushed the tears from his eyes.

"I'm okay, Scully. Don't worry."

But her expression told him that was exactly what she was doing.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit a minute?"

He shook his head no and continued on. She hurried to his side. As her
left hand swung at her side it touched his. He caught it and lightly
held on. 

_________________________________

Scully was right. The pizzas were ice-cold by the time they had returned
to her apartment. She took them into the kitchen.

"Hey, Mulder...," he heard her call.

He rose and walked into the kitchen. She stood in the middle of the
room, feigning confusion.

"Tell me again which box with the buttons I should use. The big one?"
she asked nodding to the stove. "Or the little one?"

He leaned forward and whispered into her ear. "Don't push it Red."

_________________________________

Between the two of them they finished a whole pizza and half of the
other. Mulder's head was beginning to nod. He jerked it up trying to
stay awake.

"Come on Mulder," Scully said, taking him by his good hand and pulling
him up off the couch. "It's well past your bedtime." She reached into
her pocket and withdrew a bottle of medicine. She led him to her bed and
pushed him to a sitting position on the edge.

"Mulder, you have to take this medicine. It'll help you sleep." She went
into the bathroom to get a glass of water.

"I have to wake up to take this medicine so I can sleep. Scully, where's
the logic?"

She returned with the water and handed him two pills. He popped them
into his mouth and washed them down with the water. He handed her the
glass, then fell back onto the bed.

"You going to sleep like that? In your clothes?"

"Just like any other night..." His voice faded as he fell asleep.

Scully lifted his legs onto the bed and took a blanket out of the closet
and covered him. She stood several minutes and watched him sleep. She
took a seat on the bed and smoothed the hair from his face. The other
half of the bed looked so inviting. After setting the alarm and kicking
off her shoes, she carefully slid around him to the other side of the
bed and stretched out beside him. As she moved close, she felt Mulder
press back into her. She placed an arm over him and turned her face so
her cheek rested against his back. 

_________________________________

Scully woke early, before the alarm went off. She was still groggy with
sleep and it took her a brief moment to realize she was in her bed,
fully dressed and not alone. There was a man sleeping beside her.
Mulder. Her arm still rested over him. She smiled. It was real and not a
dream. She began to settle back against him when the alarm sounded.

<Damn!>

Scully quickly got out of bed and hit the alarm before it woke Mulder.
He hadn't moved. She stood over the bed and watched him sleep. He looked
so much like a little boy. So innocent. Her hand hovered above his face,
but she drew it back, afraid her touch would wake him. She sighed. It
was hard to resist the temptation to slide in beside him. She quietly
gathered her clothes and went into the bathroom. She quickly showered
and dressed. When she stepped out of the bathroom, she was relieved to
see that she had not awakened him. Scully carefully adjusted the blanket
over him and slipped out of the room. She scribbled him a note and
propped it against the flower vase on the dining room table. Then she
was out the door to work. 

__________________________________

Her day couldn't have moved slower. She thought about calling him at
lunch but didn't want to wake him if he was sleeping. He hadn't called
her. She was going to take that as a sign that he was getting some much
needed rest.

Finally, it was five. She was halfway home when she realized she needed
to stop at the grocery store. She flew down the aisles of the store,
quickly filling her basket. She was anxious to get home.
_________________________________

APARTMENT OF DANA SCULLY

Scully struggled through the door with the bag of groceries. "So what
did...," she stopped midsentence. Pictures and reports littered the
coffee table in front of Mulder. Clutched in his hand was a picture. His
eyes slowly found her face. He couldn't hide the horror in them. She
silently cursed herself for not putting them safely away.

"You know I remember being there...," he swallowed hard, "but to see it..."

Scully put the groceries down, crossed to the table and quickly gathered
the photos and reports. He grabbed her wrist.

She looked up, startled.

"Leave them." Mulder's voice was quiet but firm.

"Please Mulder not now."

"I need to know. I can handle it."

"Well I can't," she said as she yanked free from his grasp.

Scully quickly scooped up the groceries and carried them into the
kitchen. Mulder heard cabinet doors being slammed angrily and walked
over to the archway of the kitchen.

She could feel his eyes on her. Scully drew in a deep breath before she
slowly turned to face him.

"Don't ask me to do this now. I can't. I need a break," she pleaded. "I
need some time to let things settle and...," her voice softened,
"...enjoy having you back. Please Mulder let me catch my breath."

He started to take a step towards her but stopped, indecision on his face.

< I always seem to hurt her.>

She saw his eyes fill with sadness and knew what he was thinking. She
moved to him and looked up into his face. He refused to make eye contact
with her. There was a hint of desperation in her voice as she said,
"Mulder, I've been thinking...isn't it time we live a little?" Her voice
lightened. "Do something we've never done before..."

His eyes found hers. He stared at her for several moments before saying,
"Scully?" His eyes widened. "To boldly go where no man...?" and a sly
smile appeared on his face. She knew he was teasing her.

"That's not what I was thinking," she said, giving him her best annoyed
look.

"Oh," he countered, with his best hurt look.

"And just what did you mean, where no man has gone...?

"I guess I should have clarified that: "where no man as gone within the
last six years! " 

________________________________

LURAY'S BOWL-O-RAMA 15 Main Street

"Scully, I'm really amazed that they make bowling shoes that small."

"Mulder shut-up. Come on. Get up there and show me what you've got."

"I could have showed you last night if... Her look stopped him. He
laughed as he picked up the heavy ball and balanced it carefully with
his injured hand. His face grew serious as he concentrated on the pins.
Taking three graceful steps, he released the ball and watched it speed
down the lane. She watched him as he moved and twisted his body, giving
the ball enough "body English" to knock all the pins down. Mulder turned
to her with a broad smile across his face. He pumped his fist in the air
and strutted back to her. He picked up the pen and marked the score
sheet with an "X".

<God he was obnoxious. Dana, you've created a monster.>

Scully stood up and moved like a condemned person to collect her ball.

<Why had she let Mulder talk her into bowling? Well, face it Dana it
wasn't his first choice...>

She smiled as she picked up the heavy ball and looked down the lane. She
remembered the first time she had gone bowling when she was young. Se
had been so afraid that she wouldn't be able to get her fingers out of
the ball in time and she would be dragged down the smooth surface to
crash head-long into the pins.

Drawing in a deep breath, Scully moved slowly and carefully as she
approached the line, drew the ball back and released it. She closed her
eyes and listened to it rumble down the lane. She heard it make contact
and opened her eyes. Scully had knocked down all but two of the pins.
She stared at them in amazement and turned to look at Mulder.

"Come on Red, pick up the spare."

She looked at him confused.

"You get another chance," he said, nodding towards the two remaining pins.

She watched as her second ball rolled and rolled until it slid
harmlessly into the gutter. 

__________________________________

Mulder was sprawled out beside her as they watched the other bowlers.

"You know Scully, I could get into this."

She looked at him to see if he was serious.

"I mean the fashion alone..."

"I'm sure any of these people would be glad - relieved - to give you
their shirts. Or they ought to be."

"No, Scully...," Mulder said, shaking his head. "Those bowling shirts
have probably been passed down from grandfather to father to..."

"What do they do Mulder? Just have their names restiched over the pocket?"

"Don't need to Scully. Haven't you noticed they're all named Bubba?"

Scully burst out laughing. She laughed until the tears slid down her
face and she gasped for air. Mulder smiled at her. She had the most
wonderful laugh. 

__________________________________

Scully had been standing near the entrance waiting for Mulder to return
when she heard a commotion coming from down the hallway near the
restrooms. People were already beginning to turn and look. Scully took
several steps towards the hallway. When she heard Mulder's angry voice,
she quickly pushed through the spectators.

Mulder had a man pinned against the wall with his forearm across the
man's throat. He easily outweighed Mulder by a hundred pounds and was a
good four inches taller. The man's face was beet red from anger and
alcohol.

Scully moved next to Mulder. The man's eyes darted to her.

"Lady you'd better tell your prick of a husband to get his hands off me!"

The man choked as Mulder pressed tighter.

"You fuckin' son of a bitch!"

"Mulder! What the hell's going on here?"

Mulder didn't take his eyes off the man as he answered, "Go check him.
He's in there," nodding towards the restroom.

Scully cautiously opened the door. Pressed into a corner was a little
boy. When he saw Scully he began to whimper and tried to hide behind a
wastepaper basket. Scully slowly took a seat on the dirty tile floor
close to the boy.

"It's okay sweetie," she said quietly as she held her hand out. The
boy's head slowly rose. A red mark was bright against his pale cheek.
His face glistened wet with tears.

"Come on sweetie...that's it...take my hand." Her words were soft and
encouraging. She felt his little hand slip into hers. Scully slowly
pulled him into her lap and held him tight. From far off she could hear
the wail of sirens.

The door opened and a uniformed woman officer stood in the doorway. The
little boy's hands clutched Scully's tightly as he began to cry again.

"Ssshh...you'll be okay, nobody's going to hurt you. She wants to help
you."

The officer knelt by Scully and spoke to the little boy.

"Justin, your mommy's coming. She's going to take you home."

"I'll wait." Scully told the officer. The woman nodded and left them
alone on the bathroom floor. 

_______________________________

About twenty minutes had passed when Scully heard a woman's frantic
voice calling the little boy's name. He looked anxiously towards the
door and began to struggle to get out of Scully's arms. A woman burst
through the door. She quickly knelt onto the floor and opened her arms
as the little boy flew into them. She looked gratefully at Scully. She
was crying.

"I told them this would happen. I told them. Those damn courts," she
said between sobs. Her eyes met Scully's. "Thank you."

When Scully exited the restroom she saw Mulder talking with one of the
officers. He held his injured hand tightly against his body. His face
was pale, making his eyes look darker. Scully moved in beside him. He
quickly looked down at her, then back to the officer.

"If we have any other questions Agent Mulder we'll be in touch."

Mulder nodded and headed for the door. Scully stopped him with a hand on
his arm. "Wait, Mulder..."

"Later Scully," he said, pulling free and heading out the exit. She
quickly reached for the car keys. They weren't in her pockets. She
returned to the restroom and found them on the floor. She grabbed them
and hurried out to the car. Mulder was clearly agitated. She watched as
he paced back and forth, energy and anger radiating from him. Scully
quickly unlocked the door. Mulder yanked it open and then paused. He
ducked his head into the car.

"I'll meet you at your apartment," he said. Without closing the door, he
turned and began to run.

"Mul...," she started but he was already gone. She quickly opened her
door and started to call out to him again. It was useless. She watched
as he ran through the parking lot and then lost him as he headed down
one of the darkened side streets. 

______________________________________


APARTMENT OF DANA SCULLY

Scully looked at her watch again. It was after 1:00 am. 1:08 to be
exact. Eight minutes after the last time she had looked. It was
pointless to try to sleep. She had tried to read, watch TV and had even
considered getting in her car and looking for him.

At 1:19 she heard a soft knock on her door. She pulled it open. Mulder
stood in front of her shaking with exhaustion and drenched with sweat.
His hair was plastered to his head. The t-shirt clung to his chest. She
could see every rib as his chest rose and fell with labored breathing.
She quickly stepped back and allowed him into the apartment. The rage
she had seen in his eyes at the bowling alley had been replaced with
sheer exhaustion.

He started towards the couch, but she gently guided him towards her
bedroom. She helped him out of his shoes and socks, then his shirt,
careful of the brace on his injured fingers. He stood up and removed his
pants, then started to lay back on the bed.

"Wait, Mulder...," Scully said as she pulled the covers back. "You need
to get under the covers."

"But Scully..." he started to protest.

"They can be washed."

"More like burned," he said as his eyes started to close. They opened
for a brief moment to look at her. He mouthed the word "thanks" before
his eyes slowly closed.

The next day he returned to his apartment.

_________________________________

Scully was getting ready for bed. She hadn't heard from Mulder all day.
She picked up the phone to call him. Her finger hovered above the last
number. Then she slowly hung up the phone.

Her apartment felt so empty, so quiet. She jumped when the phone rang
under her hand. It was Mulder.

"It's not too late is it?"

"No," she said a little too quickly.

There was silence on the other end. She knew he was struggling to find
the words.

"About last night, Scully...How can a man hurt his own child?"

_________________________________

Scully drove to meet Mulder at his apartment. They needed to talk before
he went back to work. She dreaded this. Several large manila envelopes
lay on the passenger seat of her car. One contained Mulder's badge and
ID, driver's license - everything that had been nailed to the cross. She
was surprised to see a picture of herself included in the evidence. It
was an old picture. Her hair was longer and not as straight. She had no
idea he carried it in his wallet.

Mulder opened the door and let her in. His manner was more
business-like. He was going back to work tomorrow. Scully wondered if
Mulder was going to miss the time they had spent together as much as she
would. She took a seat on the couch and set the envelopes down on the
coffee table. She looked into his face to se if he were ready. Their
eyes met briefly. He saw a flash of sorrow in hers. He picked up one of
the envelopes and opened it. Out spilled his badge and ID and other
items. His hand paused as he reached for the picture of her. He looked
slightly embarrassed.

"Scully, you mean you don't carry a picture of your doctor in your
wallet?" He hoped to coax a smile out of her. "You didn't happen to find
my Master Card, did you?" She only looked sadder.

"Your gun is being held as evidence," she said.

"Well, there's another automatic reprimand for losing my weapon. Could
paper my bathroom in them by now. I have my other gun. Too bad I didn't
have it that night...," his voice trailed off.

<Yes too bad.>

Mulder reached for the other envelope. He heard Scully draw in a quick
breath and slowly release it. 

_________________________________

"The identity of the man was never determined. No record that he ever
existed. They were able to make posititve ID on all the victims except
for the woman. She was the only female victim - she could have been his
mother. She had been dead the longest - years longer. All the male
victims were apparently targeted because of their professions: a
firefighter from Glenwood Springs, a doctor from Vail, a security guard
vacationing from Denver. Professions that help or protect people. There
were twelve victims in all."

Mulder nodded slowly as he agreed with her theory.

"Mulder, at some time they want to interview you. They need to wrap up
this case."

Mulder flipped through the photos as she talked.

"If you're done...," she said, reaching for them.

"No Scully leave them. I'll bring them to work tomorrow."

Mulder saw her mouth open to protest, but she didn't say a word. He
watched as her hand played nervously with the corner of her jacket. She
stopped and raised her head.

"There's something else we need to discuss before tomorrow," she said
slowly. 

_______________________________

"Mulder, did you hear what I said?" She looked at him in amazement.
"They're re-opening the X-Files....without us!"

Scully was surprised by his reaction - or lack of one. Scully studied
Mulders's face for several long moments.

"You knew, didn't you?" Scully couldn't hide the anger in her voice.
"Diana?"

"There was a message..."

Scully quickly stood up and folded her arms across her chest. Her mouth
was pulled into a tight, thin line.

"And I assume you believe her...whatever she told you."

"It's not what you think..."

"It's exactly what I think. None of these people are to be trusted -
Diana, Spender, Skinner, Kersh."

"Diana understands the work. She's trying to preserve..."

"Oh bullshit Mulder!" His eyes followed her as she moved through the
apartment. She stopped and turned to address him. Her eyes were a dark,
hard blue. "When were you going to tell me of Diana's noble cause?"

Mulder looked away from her.

"This is my work too, Mulder. After all these years.." She shook her
head sadly and reached for her jacket.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow." There was disappointment in her voice.
She placed her jacket over her arm and started for the door.

"Scully wait..."

She hesitated at the door. Without turning around she said, "We've been
reassigned .... background checks. Bring your No-Doze."

Scully opened the door and left without a backward glance.

Mulder quickly caught the door before it closed and looked down the
hallway. She was gone. He slammed his door shut .
__________________________________

FBI HEADQUARTERS

When Scully returned to work the next morning there was a single white
rose on her computer keyboard. A hand appeared over her monitor waving a
white handkerchief. Mulder's face appeared.

"Friends?"

She sighed and gave him a faint smile.

"Looks like the Big Cheese wants to have a meeting. Ten o'clock," Mulder
whispered.

"Kersh?" Scully whispered back. "Both of us?"

"No, just yours truly. Guess I'm blessed. Tell me about him."

Scully quickly looked around the room to make sure no one was listening.

"He's not to be trusted."

"Is that your female intuition talking?"

"No it's my intuition as a decent human being talking. You'll see when
you meet him. Mulder, be careful. He knows about you..."

"And Skinner?"

Scully's face clouded with anger. "He's gone Mulder. We can't use him.
We're on our own."

"Just you and me," Mulder added. 

__________________________________

Scully could hear a steady thump, thump on the other side of the
partition. She stood up and peered around the corner. Mulder was banging
his head against the computer. Resting his forehead against the monitor,
he peered at her out of the corner of his eye. He slowly lifted his head
and said, "Scully if I hear one more person use the word trustworthy, I
am going to ...I mean what are we doing? Checking on everyone that was
ever a boy or girl scout?"

Scully looked around his cramped area. The floor was littered with
sunflower seed shells and paper airplanes. She could tell he was bored
beyond words. But there was something else she saw in his eyes that made
her uneasy.

"We could always..."

"Not an option, Scully. I refuse to give them what they want."

She smiled, nodded and returned to her desk.

<Temporary, my ass.> They had been assigned to this grunt work for the
past two and a half weeks with no end in sight. Mulder had heard Kersh's
weekly "team player" lecture until he could recite it verbatim.
__________________________________

Spender's eyes quickly scanned the agents in the room until he located
Mulder. He walked to his desk and threw the files on it. Mulder looked
up from the phone into the man's face.

"ASAP," Spender said before turning to leave. He had taken two steps
when the files caught him in the back of his head. Papers flew out of
the folders. Spender slowly turned to face Mulder. He was furious,
shaking with rage.

Scully heard a collective gasp from the other agents.

"Sorry," she quickly cut off her coller and slammed the phone down. She
was out of her chair and around the desk in time to see Mulder
face-to-face with Spender.

<Oh shit! >

"Mulder NO!"

She watched his good hand make a fist. Spender quickly looked at Scully
and then back at Mulder, arrogance replacing his anger. His lip curled
into a sneer, his look encouraging Mulder to follow through.

Mulder knew his punch would end everything...and so did Spender.

Mulder put up his hands and backed away.

"Oops...sorry it slipped. Your hands get real sweaty from gripping that
phone all day."

Mulder looked at his watch. "Lunchtime." He eased around Spender,
bumping him in the shoulder and stepping on the papers that lay on the
floor. 

__________________________________

Mulder returned from lunch and took his seat at his desk. Scully watched
as Mulder held his watch in front of his face. He began to count the
seconds out loud as they flashed on his digital watch.

"It should be about...now." He pointed at the phone. A second later it
rang.

"Jeffrey must have a hotline to Kersh's office," he said before he
picked up the phone. He listened, then slowly hung it up.

"I must be psychic...Kersh wants to see me." Mulder sighed before he
continued. "Scully, he wants to see you too." He looked genuinely sorry.
____________________________________

They stood side-by-side, refusing to sit down.

"Agent Mulder...," Kersh was shaking his head. "We don't seem to be able
to get along."

"Sir?" Mulder said, feigning innocence.

Scully began to look uncomfortable. She knew that tone in Mulder's voice.

"Don't test my patience Agent," Kersh warned.

"But sir, you're at the top of my Christmas list."

Scully quickly bit the inside of her lip.

"Perhaps, Agent Mulder, you should seriously consider a career change."

"No sir, that's not what I was planning on giving you for Christmas."

Kersh rose from his chair and leaned forward in a threatening posture.

"Another slip-up Agent Mulder and even your friends won't be able to
save your ass. You're excused."

Mulder and Scully turned to leave. "No, not you Agent Scully."

Scully's eyes met Mulder's. She gave him a small nod indicating that she
would be okay. But Mulder knew it was Kersh's way of threatening him.
Mulder hesitated before he turned and exited the room.
____________________________________

Scully found Mulder sitting in a chair down the hall, waiting for her.
He quickly rose. She forced a tight smile. "I don't need to tell you
what he's doing. For some reason he assumes my career is more important
than you."

In a concerned whisper, Mulder said, "Don't let him take you down with me."

"Mulder, it will be my choice."

___________________________________________________

Mulder hated taking the pills. They made him groggy. But he had to admit
they did help him to sleep.

Without the medicine, the dreams would capture him in a terror that
soaked his t-shirt with perspiration and loosed the screams from his
throat...

He would wake, his eyes wide and wild, his breath coming in hard pants,
his heart banging in his ears. The terror would slowly dissipate as he
realized they were just dreams. 'Just dreams' - who was he kidding? They
came in the form of dreams, but there was nothing imaginary about them.
They were flashes of his life, his life after Sam, what had become of
the Mulder family. How the innocent life of a young boy had been
snatched away by the light on November 27, 1973.
____________________________

Mulder balled up the paper and threw it towards the wastepaper basket,
cursing angrily at the growing pile cluttered around it. Scully looked
at him quickly, then back down to the written report she was retyping
into the computer. Kersh's latest reprimand and demotion had them
transcribing wiretapped conversations in an office that wasn't much
bigger than a large storage closet. Scully had given Mulder credit - at
least he had tried hard to remain calm and do what he was told. But
Scully knew it wouldn't last. And it didn't...

The last few days he had been irritable, anxious and withdrawn. At first
she assumed it was the work but she slowly began to suspect it was only
a small part of what was really bothering him.She tried to draw him out,
but he expertly put up his barriers and gave her looks that told her to
back off.

Her immediate concern was his physical condition. Mulder would arrive at
work with dark circles around his eyes. The weight he had regained after
his ordeal in Colorado he had now lost. His clothes hung off of him. She
had known his recovery from Colorado would be a slow, painful process
for a man like Mulder who had a limited amount of patience. She tried
not to let her concern show. She didn't want to appear over-protective.
Scully knew how Mulder hated to be watched over. So she remained silent.
But a nagging feeling remained telling her that things were not right,
that this was different and not even the passage of time would make it
right. 

____________________________

Mulder could tell Scully sensed something was wrong. He saw her watching
him, trying to be discreet. It made him angry, and he took it out on her
because she was there.....because she was always there.

He saw the pain in her eyes when he lashed out at her but he couldn't
stop himself. By punishing her he was punishing himself.

<I'm sorry, Scully. I'm sorry.>

He mentally apologized to her, but the healing words always remained
unspoken. 

___________________________

APARTMENT OF DANA SCULLY

The phone was ringing. Scully groaned and rolled over, fumbling for the
phone. She glanced at the clock. It read 3:37 am. Mulder?

"Hello?"

"Is this Dana Scully?"

Scully did not recognize the older male voice on the other end.

"Yes." She pulled herself into a sitting position.

"I'm sorry to bother you but your number is in our files as a contact
regarding one of our tenants.... a Fox Mulder."

"Did something happen? Is he okay?" she asked quickly, fear in her voice.

"Yes, he seems to be okay. The police are here..."

"The police?!"

"I think it would be best if you would come over. Mr. Mulder seems to be
somewhat agitated. I really don't think he should be left alone. As I
said before yours is the only contact number we have on file."

"I'm on my way," she said as she hung up the phone and quickly grabbed
her clothes off the back of the chair. 

______________________________

Scully ran past the two parked patrol cars and dashed up the apartment
steps. As she stepped off the elevator she saw a semi-circle of people
crowded around Mulder's open door. She hurried down the hall, reaching
for her ID and badge. There were three officers and an older man Scully
knew to be Mulder's landlord. Mulder was standing in the doorway in his
black sweat pants, barefoot. His hair was messy, his t-shirt stained
with sweat. Mulder's arms were crossed in front of his chest, angry,
defiant. He glanced at her. Seeing her there did not improve his mood.

"Scully, what are you doing here?" He looked at his apartment manager
who turned away. Scully displayed her badge and ID for all the officers
to see.

"Are we done here?" Mulder asked irritably.

The officers looked at each other and nodded.

"I guess. We were just checking the two complaints..."

"Good," Mulder said and stepped back into his apartment and slammed the
door shut.

Scully motioned the officers and manager away from the door.

"What happened here?" Scully asked in a hushed whisper.

"We had two calls come in. One from a Mrs. Ivey in #43 and a Mr. ...,"
the officer quickly looked at his written notes, "...Slater in #40. Both
described screams coming from apartment 42. Said it sounded like someone
was being murdered. I called for a back-up not knowing what we were
going to find. We checked Mr. Mulder's apartment. No one there but him.
Must have been one hell of a nightmare. If you don't have any other
questions, I guess we're done here," the officer said, looking at his
fellows who nodded in agreement.

The officers left Scully alone with the apartment manager.

"Ms. Scully," the man said, "I have to be honest - this is not the first
time this has happened since he's been back. I managed to wake him by
pounding on his door. I can see...," the man hesitated, searching for
the right words, "...something bad happened to him while he was gone.
I'm not trying to make trouble for him."

Scully gave him a reassuring smile, "I know. I'm going to stay with him
and make sure he's okay tonight. Thank you for calling me. And don't
hesitate to do so again - anytime."

He nodded and looked at her gratefully before turning and heading to the
elevator. Scully waited until he was gone before she knocked on Mulder's
door.

"Mulder open the door."

"Scully it's late."

"Open the door." Her tone left no room for argument.

She heard the door start to open. Mulder wearily stepped into the
doorway. Scully took a step towards him. He stretched an arm across the
opening, blocking her from entering. His hand rested on the door frame.
His eyes met hers.

"Scully go home." He couldn't hide the annoyance in his voice.

Scully quickly slipped under his arm into the apartment. Mulder stood a
moment in the doorway, his head bowed. He raised it and closed the door,
defeated.

She had already taken her jacket off and laid it on a chair before
taking a seat on the couch.

"Mulder, what's going on here?"

"Just dreams Scully. It was nothing."

"More than 'just dreams' I think, Mulder. Two of your neighbors were
concerned enough to call the police. Do you remember these dreams?"

"No," he said too quickly.

Scully gave her partner a hard look. He knew she could tell he was
lying. She stood slowly and walked into the kitchen. He heard her
digging through his cabinets, running the water, turning on the gas
stove. She returned to find Mulder stretched out on the couch, right
hand tucked behind his head.

"Are you ready to talk to me?"

"Scully...I don't..."

"Mulder, it's me," she reminded him. "When did these start?"

"Shortly after I got home."

"Mulder why didn't you tell me?" She couldn't hide the hurt in her voice.

"Because..." he started, "because you've given me so much lately and
I've done nothing..."

She levelled a small smile at him. "Mulder, I didn't know we kept score."

Scully stood up. "But if we had, you would have had to forfeit years
ago," she teased as she headed into the kitchen.

She returned with a cup of coffee and a glass of water. She set the
coffee down and handed the water to Mulder. She drew out a bottle from
her pocket and dumped four white pills into her hand.

"Here, take these. They'll help you sleep."

He popped them into his mouth, then took a long drink of water. He set
the glass down and settled into the couch. She started to cover him with
the blanket.

"No Scully it's too hot."

It was not too hot in the room . She laid her hand on his forehead. It
felt warm.

"I think you've got a fever Mulder. Let me take a look at you," she
said, reaching for him.

He grabbed her wrist. "I'm fine. Look, I'm closing my eyes. I'm going to
sleep." 

________________________________

He felt something faintly wet and cool slide down the side of his face.
Scully had placed a cool washcloth across his forehead before she had
left. There was a note on the coffee table telling him to stay home and
get some sleep. She would call at noon. Four more white pills were laid
out for him to take later in the day. 

________________________________

Scully was disappointed, but not surprised to see him show up at work
later that morning. He semed better with some much needed sleep. When
they had finally wrapped the day's work they were both surprised to see
how late it was. Scully insisted on taking Mulder to dinner. She wanted
to make sure he had at least one good meal that day. Mulder started to
protest but realized he was only arguing to be arguing. He would concede
this dinner to Scully. This would be his first step to paying her back.
________________________________

It was nice. Just what he needed. And appeared to be what she needed
too. At first their conversation was strained, talking about things
neither one cared about. But they slowly lowered their defenses and got
back into their more familiar, comfortable relationship.

<You should listen to your doctor's advice more often.>

Several times during the evening he tried to apologize to her, but he
couldn't say the words. By the time they had returned to her aparment,
it was late. Too late for him to go home, Scully insisted.

Concession number two.

But he was glad she asked. He felt good tonight, better than he had in
over a month. Besides getting started on repairing the damage to his
relationship with Scully, he hadn't taken any medication today. All of
his pills were at home. He felt good. There would be no dreams tonight.

Scully went into her bedroom to pull the sheets and blankets out of the
bedroom closet. She had a designated area for Mulder's numerous platonic
sleepovers, along with the clean linens, a toothbrush and a pair of
clean clothes.

When she stepped out of her bedroom, he was already asleep. He was
slumped onto one side of the chair with his head over one of the
armrests. He looked uncomfortable but she resisted moving him for fear
of waking him. Taking one of the blankets she had retrieved from her
bedroom, she covered him and took a seat at the kitchen table. Since she
was wide awake it was a good opportunity to read the book she had been
trying to finish for over a month. 

_________________________

His screams woke her with a start. Heartwrenching, terrified screams.
Her heart was racing. She realized immediately where they were coming
from and she rushed to Mulder's side. She had her hand poised to wake
him when his words stopped her.

"Don't. Dad, don't. Please no....," his cries faded. Then loudly, "Mom.
Mom make him stop. I'm sorry about Sam, I'm sorry..."

Scully stood frozen, looking at her partner, horrified. With those
tormented words, everything fell into place.

________________________

Mulder's eyes snapped open. He felt a figure standing over him. He
flinched.

<Dad? Scully...it was Scully.>

He breathed a sigh of relief, then saw her expresson. It was one of
incredible sadness and pain.

"Scully?" He blinked hard and looked at her again. There was no sadness
or pain. She was smiling at him.

<Don't let him know don't let him know.>

"I'm sorry Mulder I didn't mean to wake you."

Mulder stretched and yawned. "What time is it?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure."

Mulder threw off the blanket and sat up slowly. He began to massage the
back of his neck. He looked up at her. "You sure you're okay?"

<Calm down Dana calm down.>

"Why?" she asked again, softening her tone.

He nodded his head at her, "You haven't been to bed."

"I was reading."

He seemed to sense something wasn't right. She needed a quick diversion.

"Sore? Here..." Scully leaned forward and pulled his hand from his neck.
She tugged him up out of the chair.

"Help me move this." She took one end of the coffee table and motioned
to him to take the other. "Let's put it here." After they had moved it,
she pointed to a spot in front of the couch. "Sit."

Mulder obediently took his place on the floor. Scully sat down on the
couch, positioning herself so his shoulders rested between her legs. She
pulled him back. With both hands she began to massage his shoulders. His
reaction was immediate. She could feel him melt in her hands. He
groaned. His head fell forward as her hands moved up the sides of his neck.

"Oh God Scully...What should we name our firstborn?" His head jerked up
when he realized what he had said. "Scully, I'm sorry." He tried to turn
to face her, but her hands held him down. He tilted his head back so it
rested in her lap and looked up at her.

"Scully.."

"Mulder it's okay," she reassured him and ran a hand gently down the
side of his face. She gave him a small smile. "Now where was I..." She
lifted his head out of her lap and pushed it down, exposing his neck.
She began massaging it. Mulder closed his eyes and slumped back against
the couch with another groan.

<How could you hurt him? Your own son, your own child.>

Scully had never been so angry in her life and the depth of it
frightened and surprised her. She closed her eyes tightly, desperately
tryng to hold back the tears. 

________________________________

FBI HEADQUARTERS Friday

When Mulder returned from lunch the next day, Scully was gone. Mulder
confirmed with another agent that she had left early. He handed Mulder a
note which said she was ill and would see him on Monday. He reached for
the phone but decided against calling her.

He felt he'd been enough of a bastard all week. He would leave her alone
and let her rest. He could call her tomorrow and she how she was
feeling. ________________________________

Scully waited until she was sure Mulder had left for lunch. She quickly
scribbled a note for Mulder and gave it to Agent Kessler to give to
Mulder when he returned.

"Not feeling well, Agent Scully?" Kessler asked. She did look pale.

Scully gave him a quick nod then started gathering up some papers and
hurried out of the room.

The elevator door opened on the third floor and Scully instinctively
stepped back, never raising her head to see who had entered. She jumped
when the person addressed her. It was Skinner.

"You're wrong, Agent Scully." His voice was low, edged with sadness.
"You just haven't learned how to play the game." His eyes remained
forward, staring at the closed elevator doors. He could feel her eyes
boring into his back. Skinner reached out and hit the STOP button. He
turned to face her. Scully quickly scanned his face for any indication
he was lying. His eyes, his mouth... Nothing.

"The rules are ever changing. You adapt. You compromise. You sacrifice
to stay in the game. There's no hope if you don't because they will win.
I'm not always proud of what I'm forced to do...especially to my
friends." His eyes locked on hers. "Take this advice from a friend."

He released the button and the elevator started with a jerk. The light
blinked bright indicating that they had reached the second floor. The
door opened and Skinner stepped out without a backward glance. Scully
watched Skinner walk down the hall until the doors closed. She stared at
the doors for several long moments. She had been wrong about Skinner
before, was she wrong again? 

______________________________

Scully drove from the FBI Headquarters directly to the lair of the Lone
Gunmen. She banged impatiently on the door.

"Open up, it's me."

Scully knew she was being viewed through the peephole. Frohike quickly
smoothed his hair back with his hand and blew into his palm checking his
breath before he began unlocking the thick outer door. She could hear
the numerous locks and bolts being opened and unlatched.

"And what...," Frohike started.

She quickly stepped past him. "I need your help."
_____________________________

It proved to be a difficult, time-consuming search. Scully looked at her
watch. There was one other place she needed to go before her trip tomorrow.

Scully peered over Langly's shoulder as his fingers flew across the
keyboard and then stopped.

She stepped back and said, "I need hard copies of all this information."

"But...," Langly started. He looked at his two friends for support. They
both stepped behind him and read what was on the monitor. "But that's
not possible...," Byers stopped. All three turned to look at Scully.

"You never saw this. He's not to know. You understand?"

They all nodded. 

____________________________

NE GEORGETOWN MEDICAL CENTER

Scully caught Dr. Gearhardt as he was leaving for the day.

"Please, Doctor, this will only take a moment." she said in a strained
voice.

He stepped back into his office and waved her to a chair as he took a
seat behind his desk.

Head lowered, she cleared her throat before she asked, "You knew didn't
you?"

She raised her eyes to meet his. They blazed with anger. There was no
need to ask her what she meant.

"Was I one hundred percent sure? No. Did I suspect it? Yes. But I had no
proof. Without access to his records there was no way to confirm my
suspicions. It's true, isn't it? He looked sympathetically at her.

"Yes," she managed to say.

"What kind?"

"Physical. Only physical."

"Did he tell you?"

Sadly, she shook her head no.

"He doesn't know you know....."

Again she shook her head and sighed. "But he'll know tomorrow."
___________________________

SATURDAY

Mulder shivered in the darkness and reached for the blanket that had
been kicked to the floor. He pulled it around himself and looked at the
clock. It was 4:01 am. Before he would have been content to go to work
and immerse himself in it. But he had no work. He had been betrayed.

Scully had been right about Diana. She had caught him in the halls of
the FBI Headquarters shortly after his return and a day after Kersh's
first reprimand. Rushing to him, Diana had flung her arms around him,
hugging him tightly. Scully hadn't even slowed her pace as she continued
down the hall, stopped at the elevator and waited, her eyes forward. She
stood with a hip cocked, relaxed.

Diana was surprised to feel Mulder's body stiffen in her embrace. She
pushed back leaving her hands resting on Mulder's arms as she looked
into his face. It was not the reaction she had planned on.

"Fox?"

Mulder leaned forward and placed a light kiss on her cheek and then
whispered in her ear, "You could have at least had the decency to tell
me to let go of my ankles and pull up my pants."

He cooly extricated himself from her and without another word walked
down the hall to take his place beside Scully.
___________________________________

Mulder needed his work. His work helped define him. He had to find a way
to reclaim it. And quickly before he ruined everything. There had been a
time when his work *was* his life, but that changed when she opened the
basement door and let herself in. He had reluctantly made room for her,
trying his best to push her back out the door. But she had never left.
Why couldn't he accept the fact that she *wasn't* going to leave? He
looked back on the past week with shame. The best and last thing he
truly cared about and loved and here he was trying to push her away. He
knew exactly what he was doing but didn't know why.

<Bill Jr. was right - I really am one sorry son of a bitch.>

He would make it up to her. He couldn't lose her. Life without Scully
was unimaginable.

Mulder sat curled up on the couch wrapped in his blanket watching the
clock. At 10:00 am he tried calling her with no luck. The phone rang
busy - she must have taken it off the hook. He tried every twenty
minutes. Finally, he became so frustrated he grabbed his running shoes
and cell phone and took off on a long run. He ran until his lungs
screamed for him to stop, but he just ran harder. His cell phone banged
against his hip, urging him on like a racehorse under the whip.
_________________________________

HOME OF MRS. WILLIAM MULDER GREENWICH, CT

"Come in Agent Scully. I'm sorry, did you say Fox was coming?" Mrs.
Mulder looked past Scully towards the car.

"No, he's not coming. He doesn't know I'm here."

Mrs. Mulder lead her into the living room and waved her to the couch.
She brushed her knitting from a chair before sitting in it. She looked
at Scully, confusion on her face.

"I'm not sure why you're here. Did you tell me when you called? Since my
stroke my memory is so poor. Can I get you something to drink? I'm
making some tea."

"No thank you."

As if on cue, the teapot whistled.

"Excuse me," Mrs. Mulder said and left Scully alone in the room.
Pictures on the mantle caught her eye. She crossed to look at them. They
were all of Mulder and Samantha, but none of her ex-husband and none of
Mulder older than twelve. She picked up a familar picture of Mulder and
Samantha together behind a tree. Scully affectionately rubbed a thumb
over Mulder's face. A bittersweet smile touched her lips. So young, so
innocent. She heard Mrs. Mulder start to come back to the living room.
She quickly replaced the picture and took her seat on the couch.

Mrs. Mulder picked up a coaster and set her tea on the coffee table. "Is
there something wrong with Fox?"

There was genuine concern on her face. It made Scully angry.

<Now you're concerned - about twenty-five years too late.>

Scully's eyes met Mrs. Mulder's. "I hope you'll understand how important
it is that you answer my questions as truthfully as possible...for your
son's sake."

"I'm sorry Agent Scully. I still don't understand why you're here."

"Did you know Fox is having some problems?"

"Problems? What kind?"

"Mental."

"Perhaps it's just the stress of his job..."

She stopped as Scully slowly shook her head.

"An incident several months ago triggered it."

"So it was work related..."

"I'll admit it was the stressor that set this off but it goes back to
his childhood. After Samantha disappeared..."

Mrs. Mulder's eyes darkened and narrowed.

"Could you tell me about your late husband? What kind of man was he?"
Scully lowered her voice, "Did he drink?"

"He was in a stressful job...," Mrs. Mulder started, then caught
herself. "Agent Scully, I don't like the direction of these questions.
If Fox needs to know something, tell him I would appreciate it if he
came in person and not send his partner."

"As I told you before, Fox doesn't know I'm here."

"Since you didn't tell him of this visit, I assume he would not have
approved of it. I'm afraid you've wasted you time. I've nothing more to
say to you."

Scully let out a quick breath in frustration. "Please, Mrs. Mulder, I
need your help, I need to know..."

She cut Scully off, "I can't help you."

"But by denying me this information, you're hurting Fox. For once...do
something for your son." Scully was having a difficult time controlling
her anger.

"I resent that."

Scully's voice rose. "And I resent you standing by while your husband
used your son as a punching bag. Notice I said "your son". Bill wasn't
Mulder's father was he?"

"How dare you!" Mrs. Mulder stood up, her face flushed with anger. "How
dare you!"

Scully calmly reached into her bag and withdrew copies of Mulder's old
medical records and threw them onto the coffee table. "I don't need you
to tell me what I already know. I just thought you would be concerned
enough to want to help. My mistake..."

Scully picked up her coat and bag before leaving the room.

She had her hand on the doorknob ready to leave when she closed her eyes
and leaned her head against the door. What had she just done? His mother
was the only family Mulder had. She returned to the living room and
stood in the doorway. Mrs. Mulder refused to turn and face her.

"Please leave. You are not welcome in this house."

"Mrs. Mulder...I'm sorry. I care deeply for your son. I'm tired of
watching him get hurt because people would rather sacrifice him to
protect their secrets. I don't think you realize what measures he will
take to find the truth."

Scully's thoughts turned to Dr. Charles Goldstein and the extremes
Mulder permitted him in his desperation to retrieve past memories.

"You don't see it, but I do...everyday. He deserves the truth and I will
help him find it because *I* care...."

Scully stopped and waited for Mrs. Mulder's reaction. Nothing. Sadly
shaking her head, she turned and left.
______________________________________

It was getting dark when Mulder felt the phone vibrate against his hip.
He stopped abruptly and snatched the phone from his pocket.

"Scully?"

There was silence. He heard the caller draw in a deep breath.

"Fox, it's your mother."

There was something wrong. He could hear it in her voice.

"Mom?" he asked with genuine concern.

Another long pause and then the words spilled out with such fury he
almost missed what she was saying.

Scully had been to see her. She had questioned her about Bill. How could
her own son have tolerated his partner coming into *her* house and
treating her with such disrespect? Accuse her and her late husband of
abuse? She must have gotten the idea from someone...

"Mom," he stammered like a little boy, "I...no Mom....never. You have to
believe me. I never said anything."

"I don't believe you Fox," she said as she slammed down the phone.

Mulder stared in disbelief at the phone for several long seconds before
he replaced it in his pocket. He bent forward, hands on his knees, and
sobbed loudly. He reached for a nearby tree for support.

<Betrayed!>

He pushed away from the tree and started back towards his apartment.
Tears blinded him as he speed-dialed Scully's number. Still busy.
Repeatedly he hit redial as he stumbled through the rapidly darkening
streets. He was almost home when he heard her phone ring. She picked it
up before the second ring.

"I'm home. The door is unlocked."

Scully hadn't even asked who it was. She knew.
_________________________________

Scully was waiting for his call when she returned home. She knew Mrs.
Mulder would waste no time phoning her son. When the phone rang, she
picked up immediately and simply said, "I'm home. The door is unlocked."

Without waiting for an answer, she slowly hung up the phone.
_________________________________

She heard the angry footsteps move down the hall and stop outside her
door. He flung the door open and slammed it shut. Scully steeled herself
for what was coming.

He stood in front of her, breathless, his eyes dark and wild.

"HOW COULD YOU?"

She had never heard Mulder address her in such a tone. It saddened her,
but she would not allow it to show on her face. Scully sat straighter in
her chair more determined than ever that she was going to make him do
this. He needed to get healthy. Mulder's hand clenched and unclenched as
he took a step towards her. Her eyes met his and he backed away and
lowered his glance to the floor.

"My mother said you were at the house today.....how could you Scully?"

Bitter tears stung his eyes as he looked at her. Scully felt her anger
rise. She tried to keep it in check as she responded.

"No Mulder....How could *she*, how could *she* watch what your father
did to you without stopping him? Mulder, trees do not have fingers to
put bruises on young boys. Walls do not leave palm prints on their
victims faces."

"My father....after Sam....he drank a lot." Mulder struggled with the
words, trying to find the right ones to excuse his father's behavior.

This infuriated Scully. "Dammit Mulder! Stop making excuses for him."

"But Scully....he was my father."

"Exactly," she lied. 

_________________________________

Scully withdrew a card from her jacket and pushed it across the table
towards Mulder with one finger. It read:

DR. KAREN KOSSEFF, LCSW Psychiatrist/Social Worker F.B.I. Washington, DC

He looked at the card, then at her. With a swipe of his hand he knocked
it aside and pushed away from the table so quickly the chair tipped and
fell to the floor. She quietly watched him pace around the room. He
stopped, returned to the table and placed both hands on it and leaned
forward, close to her face.

"No!" he said through clenched teeth.

"Mulder....," she started, "Dr. Kosseff has been an enormous help to me
personally. I know she could help you. She's had experience..."

"NO!" He pounded his good hand on the table before he started pacing again.

"Mulder, you have to trust me," she said softly.

He covered his ears with his hands and turned to face her. "Please,
don't make me do this. Please"

"Mulder you won't be alone. Not this time. I'll be right by your side."
She stood and crossed to him. She took him by the hand and gently guided
him to the couch. She pulled him over into her lap. He offered no
resistance. His arms wrapped themselves around her waist as he lay his
head on her.

"I...I don't know if I can do this....even for you." His words were
muffled as he pulled himself closer to her.

Scully's hand slowly stroked his hair. "Mulder, I would never ask you to
do something you weren't capable of doing. You are the strongest, most
committed..."

He cut her off. "Maybe you shouldn't use that word." It was a weak
attempt at humor but it showed Scully he was willing to try.

"It's going to be okay. We'll get through this." Scully's hand rubbed
across his shoulders and back. She stopped and lightly kissed a spot
between his shoulder blades before she laid a cheek on his back.
"Together," she whispered. ___________________________________

FBI HEADQUARTERS Office of Dr. Karen Kosseff Monday 7:30 pm

Mulder refused to go during regular hours. If he was going to go through
this, it was going to be kept private. Only Dr. Kosseff and Scully knew
and he preferred it remain that way. He didn't want to add fuel to the
popular belief that he was "nuts".

Dr. Kosseff stood as they entered the room. She nodded and acknowledged
Scully with a faint smile.

"Agent Mulder, I'm Dr. Karen Kosseff. Please have a seat." She waved
them both to chairs. She moved from behind her desk and took a seat
opposite them.

"We appreciate you seeing us after hours," said Scully. Mulder remained
silent and sullen beside her. He looked miserable.

"Agent Scully, I'm going to ask you to step outside while I speak to
Agent Mulder. It will be up to him as to whether you'll be asked to sit
in on these sessions. Some sessions I may ask you to participate in, but
that won't be until later."

Scully paused to place a hand on Mulder's shoulder and give it a
reasurring squeeze before she left. Mulder closed his eyes and breathed
deeply. He felt alone. The story of his life.

He slowly opened his eyes. Dr. Kosseff was patiently watching him, her
face compassionate and kind.

"Agent Mulder, I'm going to ask you some questions. Some will be
difficult and if you don't feel comfortable answering them at this time..."

Mulder quickly straightened in his chair.

"Like whether my father beat the shit out of me? How Fox fucked up and
allowed his sister to be taken? I don't want to do this! "Then, at the
closed door, "I...DON'T...WANT...TO...DO...THIS!" He turned to face Dr.
Kosseff, "I've lived with this most of my life, thank you. I've managed."

"Is that the way you want to live your life Agent Mulder? By just
'managing'?"

"I have enough in my life. I have...I'll have my work. I have my
partner. That's all I need."

"Have you ever thought about your partner and what she needs? What she
needs from you?"

Mulder quickly returned to his chair and faced Dr. Kosseff. There was
concern in his face. "Has she said something to you? I would never
intentionally hurt her. She knows that, doesn't she?" His eyes searched
Kosseff's. "Doesn't she?"

"No, she hasn't. But I do know it was she who insisted you come. That
tells me that something has happened which affects your relationship as
working partners and friends. Agent Mulder, I know this isn't easy and I
won't kid you - it's not going to get any easier."
____________________________________

Scully glanced at her watch. It was 8:47 when she heard the door open.
Mulder appeared looking tired and pale. Dr. Kosseff stood in the doorway
behind him. She gave Scully a slight nod.

"Agent Mulder, I can see you again on Wednesday at the same time."

Mulder never acknowledged her as he walked down the hall away from her
office.

"Thank you, Doctor. I'll be sure he keeps the appointment." Scully
hurried down the hall to her partner's side. They walked to the car in
silence.

"Mulder, do you want to go home?" I can take you to my apartment if you
want."

"Home," he said firmly.

Scully parked the car in front of his apartment building, the engine
running. He sat motionless. She waited. He finally turned towards her.
Scully could see tears in his eyes.

"I never meant to hurt you."

With that he opened the car door and was gone. She sat in stunned
silence for a moment, then quickly turned the car off and followed after
him. As she stepped off the elevator, she saw him enter his apartment.
She knocked lightly on the door.

"Mulder, it's me. Can we talk a minute?"

"Scully go home. I'm all talked out."

He listened at the door until he heard her leave. He turned and pressed
his back against the door and slid to the floor.

________________________________________

The thump of the newspaper against the door woke Mulder with a start. He
was curled up by the front door. This was a first. He had woke up in odd
places in his apartment before, but never on the floor by the door.

<How did I....?>

And just like that the memories of the previous night came flooding back
to him. Memories so painful they caused him to cry out. He closed his eyes.

<Make this a dream make this a dream.>

He slowly opened his eyes.

<Damn!>

Mulder struggled to his feet, wiping at his eyes. They felt irritated
and swollen. His tongue was thick and coated. He looked at his watch and
stretched, trying to loosen some of the stiffness. No luck. His head
pounded as he trudged into the bathroom. He had two hours before he
needed to be at work.

As the shower warmed, Mulder slowly removed his clothes. He pulled the
brace off his fingers and set it by the sink, purposely avoiding looking
in the mirror.

He stepped into the shower facing the water. His arms were out in front
of him, braced against the wall as he leaned his weight into them. He
raised and lowered his head, letting the water flow down his shoulders
and back.

He tried not to think. He wanted his mind blank. He wasn't ready to go
back to last night, but the memories kept creeping back. With a resigned
sigh, he gave up....

Mulder knew it wasn't her fault, but he was angry....angry at her for
making him do this. She would never have forced him into this if she
knew what it was doing to him.

He stood in the shower until the water ran cold. He shivered as he
grabbed a towel off the floor. He wrapped himself in it and crossed to
the mirror. With one hand, he slowly cleared it and stared at his face.

<Shit.>

He knew it was going to be a bad day.

FBI HEADQUARTERS Tuesday 6:37 am

Scully knew he was in there. She could hear him starting and stopping
the tape recorder.

Click...click...click.

She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. She paused with one hand
on the doorknob, the other balancing a cardboard tray with two Styrofoam
cups of coffee and a small white paper sack. She opened her eyes and
blew out a hard breath before opening the office door and stepping
inside. She knew it was going to be a difficult day.

Mulder had his back to her. His arms rested on the table, sleeves rolled
to his elbows. He didn't turn when she entered.

<Bad sign.>

"Hi," she said, trying not to make it sound overly cheery or forced.
Normal. Neutral. Just like any other day.

He grunted out a less than enthusiastic "hi" without turning to look at
her. She set the cardboard tray down, slipped out of her jacket and
placed it over the back of her chair before taking a seat beside him. He
turned away from her and quickly pulled his sleeves down, buttoning them
at the cuffs. He was trying to hide the scars on his arms.

<Oh God Mulder.>

Scully regained her composure and calmly reached in front of him,
setting the extra cofee down. She drew out one of the Danishes and set
it on a napkin close to his right hand.

"Thanks." It was barely audible.

She fished out her Danish wrapped in waxed paper and took a bite. She
caught Mulder looking at her from the corner of his eye. Was it her
imagination? It looked like a faint smile had curled the corners of his
mouth.

"What?" she said with a puzzled look on her face.

He turned towards her and lightly touched the corner of his mouth.She
grabbed an extra napkin and rubbed vigorously at hers.

"Now?"

He smiled and shook his head no. She let him take the napkin from her
hand and wipe the other corner of her mouth.

"Perfect," he said.

How could he stay mad at her? She was only the messager.
_______________________________

Mulder's mood started to darken as the day wore on. When she returned
from making copies, she found him with his face buried in his hands.

"You okay Mulder?"

She quickly set the papers down, laid a hand on his shoulder and leaned
close.

He nodded then slowly began rubbing his temples with his hands. He
stopped and turned sad, tired eyes on her. She tightened her grip on his
shoulder.

"Mulder please tell me how I can help you."

"No Scully, you've done enough..." He quickly looked at her, his
expression apologetic. He lowered his head. "That's not what I meant."

Scully pulled her chair close and took a seat. She looked at her watch.
It was 5:04. "Let's get out of here. Dinner. My treat."

Mulder shook his head no. "I'm not hungry, just tired. I need to get
some sleep."

"Come on. You can sleep while I make dinner."

"No Scully," he said with more conviction. "I don't need a babysitter."

He saw the flash of pain in her eyes.

"I'm not your babysitter Mulder."

"No Scully. Not tonight."

For his sake and hers she needed to think of some way to change his
mind. It needed to be quick. She didn't want him to be alone tonight.
Not again. Her serious expression lightened as she wiggled her fingers
in front of him and wagged her eyebrows.

"Magic fingers?"

Mulder closed his eyes and imagined her fingers working over his knotted
shoulder and neck muscles. He sighed, opened his eyes and reached into
his pocket and pulled out a handful of change. He dumped the coins on
the desk and sorted the quarters out with one finger, pushing them
towards her.

"Okay, you drive a hard bargain. How much does this buy?"

"Buy? Mulder, what kind of girl do you think I am," she said with
feigned indignation.

"Cheap, I hope. I only have a buck and a quarter."
__________________________________________

Scully knew Mulder would have preferred to drive his own car, but she
was afraid he would change his mind and had insisted that she drive.He
argued briefly with her before giving up. He did look tired and she
almost felt guilty. She could tell every day was becoming a struggle for
him. As they waited at a stoplight, Scully turned to see him slumped to
one side, out cold.

Scully found a spot on the street and parked the car in front of her
apartment. Then she sat several minutes and watched him sleep. Finally.

"Hey," she said softly, carefully shaking his shoulder.

Mulder slowly raised his head and wiped a hand across his face and
through his hair.

"Maybe you should take me back to my car Scully. I'm not going to be
good company tonight."

"I'm not looking to be entertained. Please Mulder just indulge me.
Pretend you like the food. Pretend you're enjoying being with me and if
all else fails there's a ballgame on. Yankees versus Beantown." She
looked at her watch. "In fact, we've probably missed the first couple of
innings."

He straightened in the seat and looked at her in amazement. "Baseball?
You? Since when?"

She smiled at him. "Since 'hips, then hands'."
____________________________________________

"He was safe!" yelled Scully, outraged.

"Ouch," Mulder yelped.

"Sorry," she said as she loosened her grip on his shoulders.

"Actually Scully, tie always goes to the runner."

"Tie? Mulder you're as blind as the ref..."

"Umpire," Mulder corrected.

Scully begain to laugh. "It shows...I'm still a rookie."

Mulder settled back against the couch with a contented sigh. "We should
go to a game. You even been?"

"No," Scully said as she continued to massage Mulder's shoulders. "When
we lived in California, Dad took the boys once. They both came home sick
from all the hot dogs, pop and cotton candy. Missy and I decided we
hadn't missed anything."

Her hands stopped and he could tell she was thinking about her sister.

Scully sniffed then patted him on the shoulder. "I need to go check on
dinner. Should be about ready."

Mulder's eyes followed her into the kitchen. His mind drifted to the
first game he had ever attended with his father. Samantha had just been
born and his dad thought he might be feeling a little neglected. They
flew to New York City. His father was a diehard Yankees fan who had
never warmed to the Washington Senators. Mulder later learned that his
mother had argued that he was too young. She secretly feared her
husband's temper with a bored four-year old. But she needn't have
worried. Mulder had been mesmerized. The smell of the grass. The sound
of the crowd.The seats were so low he could see the players' faces.
Mantle. Maris. Richardson. Boyer. Pepitone. To Mulder it was like
discovering a wonderful new world behind the historical walls of old
Yankee Stadium. The ball and pennant still sat on the shelf in his
apartment as a reminder of not only the game but of a time when things
had been good. Mulder's head dropped to his chest as he pushed the sob
deep into his throat.

At first Scully thought he had fallen asleep. He was still sitting on
the floor with his knees drawn up, his arms folded across them. His face
was buried in his arms.

Scully quietly crossed to him and reached a hand out to wake him. He
raised his head before she touched him. "Maybe I should go home," he
said quietly.

"No Mulder, don't. Dinner's ready and I owe you another fifty cents..."

"I'll take a raincheck."

"At least eat Mulder. The food is on the table."

He nodded and slowly got to his feet. They ate their dinner in silence -
the only sound coming from the game turned low in the background and the
clink of silverware on the plates. He helped her clear the dishes from
the table, then waited with his jacket in hand for her to take him back
to his car.

_________________________________

"Where are you going Scully?"

"To your apartment."

"I need to get my car."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow. Don't forget...," she paused. "You have your
second appointment with Dr. Kosseff."

He turned away, mumbling something under his breath that she couldn't
make out. 

__________________________________

When he unlocked his apartment door, he passed by his answering machine,
ignoring the flashing red light. Parting the window blinds with one
hand, he saw Scully's car still out front. He watched it for several
minutes until she finally pulled away. He threw his overcoat on a chair
and went into the bathroom to get some pills. He knew he would need them
tonight. Instead of the usual two, he took four. He washed them down
with some water, then threw himself face down on the unmade bed and
buried his head deep into the pillows, not taking the time to remove his
clothes or shoes. 

___________________________________

WEDNESDAY 5:45 am

Scully was becoming concerned. He was not waiting out front when she
came the next morning to take him to work. She located a parking space
and hurried to his apartment. She tried knocking for a long minute
before she took out her key ring and unlocked the door. She cautiously
stepped inside.

"Mulder?"

No answer.

Scully listened for any noise - the shower running, drawers opening and
closing. Nothing. She carefully moved towards his bedroom. He was laying
face down on his bed.

"Mulder," she said loudly. No reaction.

She rushed to his bed and grabbed a shoulder to turn him over. He
groaned and pulled his head out from under the pillows and slowly turned
over to look at his startled partner.

"Shit Mulder you scared the hell out of me."

She sat down heavily on the edge of his bed and stared at his face.

"Hold still."

She reached out and pushed the lid open on one eye. The pupil was
dilated. He pushed her hand away. The movement was slow and clumsy.

"What did you take?"

"My pills."

"How many Mulder? How many did you take?!" She was angry and scared.

"I don't know... I don't remember," he said, trying to turn away from her.

"THINK!"

"Four, I took four." He was angry now.

"FOUR! That's twice as many as you should have taken."

"It's done Scully."

"DAMN YOU MULDER DAMN YOU! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO YOURSELF!"

She stormed out of the room. Dirty clothes were thrown all over the
apartment. When she walked into the kitchen, she saw the pile of dirty
dishes stacked on the counter. There wasn't any food in the refrigerator
that bore an expiration date less than a month old. In the living room,
green algae was begining to overtake the fish tank. When she moved
toward the tank, the fish rushed to he surface waiting to be fed. She
opened the fish food and shook out the last few flakes before returning
to confront him.

"I'm sorry, I promised you we would do this together but I can't watch
you do this to yourself...by the way you're out of fish food."

With that she turned on her heels and stalked out of the apartment,
slamming the door shut.

"Scul...," he started to call out to her. "Shit," he said as he buried
his face in the pillows.

He lifted his head and fumbled for the phone.

"I need a cab sent to 2630 Hegal Place...give me twenty minutes."
_______________________________________

Scully stood in the elevator taking in deep breaths. She was so
frightened and angry there was no holding back the tears.
_______________________________________

DR. KOSSEFF'S OFFICE FBI Headquarters

Dr. Kosseff turned when she heard her name called out. She looked up to
see Agent Scully hurrying towards her.

"Do you have time to talk?" she asked softly.

Dr. Kosseff nodded. "Are you.."

She stopped. She could tell Scully didn't want to say anything in the
open hallways. Scully looked around anxiously as Dr. Kosseff unlocked
the door and held it open for her to enter.

"I'm sorry. I know I don't have an appointment, but it'll just take a
minute."

She motioned Scully to a chair and took the other one beside her. Scully
was clearly agitated.

"Dana?" Dr. Kosseff asked, concerned.

It took Scully a moment to find her voice.

"I think...," she struggled, collected herself and continued on. "I
think I've made a terrible mistake."

Dr. Kosseff looked at her with puzzlement on her face. "In regards to
what?" she asked softly.

"Mulder," his name coming out in a choked cry. She lowered her head and
slowly shook it. "I didn't know...I didn't realize.....It was arrogant
of me not to listen to what he was trying to tell me."

"You think his seeing me is a mistake?"

"At this time, yes. I don't think he's mentally ready. He's not as
strong as I thought. He's been through so much in the last months. It
wasn't fair of me to ask him to do this."

She laughed a small, humorless laugh. "Ask? More like 'made'...I made
him do this."

"And why did you do that?"

"Because *I* wanted him well. I'm tired of the pain .... and ... all
I've done is make it worse. I'm no better than anyone else in his life."

"Dana, that's not true," said Dr. Kosseff. "You *are* doing this for him
and he *will* be better for it. Don't beat yourself up."

Scully's eyes met Dr. Kosseff's. "I can't bear to see him in pain."
Tears spilled down her face.

Dr. Kosseff moved close and wrapped a comforting arm around her. "I
know," she said in a soothing voice, "But I think you're wrong. I think
he *is* as strong as you thought. And so are you," she added, releasing
her arm from around Scully and looking her directly in the eyes. "You're
doing fine. Don't take his anger personally. Of all people you should
know how he feels about you."

Scully smiled a small, grateful smile.

<You're my one in five billion.>

"But he's not taking care of himself." She went on to explain about the
condition she had found Mulder in that morning. "What can I do to help
him? I don't want this to be about me and what *I* want."

"If he had wanted to hurt himself he would have taken the whole bottle.
Let's see how the session goes tonight. He *is* very concerned about how
this is affecting you. Maybe what happened this morning will actually
help him focus on what he needs to do. He's a big boy, Dana. This needs
to be his decision now, how he wants to handle this. He knows if he
continues on this path of self-destruction, you won't be there and I
think that scares him most of all."

Scully sat quietly for several long moments. Dr. Kosseff watched her
work through a number of questions. Finally she said, "Do you mind if I
come back later for another pep talk?"

"Anytime," Dr. Kosseff answered with a laugh.
_______________________________________

Scully was surprised but relieved to find Mulder in the office. She saw
his back stiffen as she entered the room. There were two shiny quarters
sitting on her side of the long table. She walked over and reached for
the coins. She looked at them in the palm of her hand. Her eyes met
Mulder's, a questioning look on her face.

"I'm..I'm...," he started, then looked deep into her eyes for help, for
forgiveness.

Scully sat down heavily in her chair. His eyes followed her. She looked
from the table to his face and then back down to the table. She cleared
her throat and without raising her head she said,"I can forgive this one
time...but...," her eyes rose to meet his. "Not again, Mulder."

He nodded slowly in agreement.

WEDNESDAY 11:55 am

"Can I buy you lunch, Mulder? The cab ride this morning must have cost
you a fortune."

"No, Scully that's okay. It's amazing - all the money I have under the
cushion of my couch. A real Fort Knox."

Mulder seemed anxious to get back to work. He opened the door and
stepped aside letting Scully enter the room. Mulder searched over her
shoulder looking for something. He spotted the envelope on the table and
relaxed. Danny had come through. Scully crossed to the table and picked
up the envelope.

"To Slammin' Sosa Scully...From Big Mac McGwire Mulder," she read aloud.

Scully opened the envelope and pulled out the four tickets. Two plane
tickets to New York City and two to a baseball game. Yankees versus the
Orioles. This Saturday afternoon.

"Look where the seats are...third row, first base side. Bring your
glove, Scully. Oops, sorry...I'll bring my extra. You never know when
you'll get lucky and snag that foul ball."

Scully was staring at the tickets in disbelief. Their relationship was
on such a roller coaster ride. One minute up, the other down. How had
they gone from the furious, angry words of this morning to going to a
baseball game on Saturday? In New York City, no less.

"Scully, you can go, can't you?"

She paused. "I need to ask you one question before I say yes."

He looked eagerly at her.

"You're not one of those people that likes to paint their faces or other
body parts are you?"

Mulder laughed. "The only pinstripes I'll be wearing will be on my shirt."

"Deal," Scully said with a smile.

DR. KOSSEFF'S OFFICE 9:21 pm

Scully pushed back the sleeve on her jacket and looked at her watch.
Mulder had been in there for over two hours. A good sign. No yelling
this session. Another good sign. She started to pick the magazine off
her lap when she heard the doorknob turn. Mulder stepped out. His eyes
met hers. He looked glad to see her.

"Remember, I'll be out of town next Monday. See you in a week Agent
Mulder."

"Thank you Doctor," Mulder said with some reluctance.

<Thank you Doctor?>

Scully's eyes met Dr. Kosseff's. She gave her an encouraging smile.
_________________________________

THURSDAY 4:49 pm

Scully had rounded a corner when she heard her name being called out.
She knew the voice immediately. She stiffened and waited for Kersh's
secretary to catch up to her.

"Glad I caught you, Agent Scully."

She held out an envelope to her. Scully took it and slowly opened it. It
was from Kersh. He had a meeting planned with both of them. Kersh's
secretary smiled one of her artificial smiles and added, "See you
tomorrow."

She had taken a couple of steps down the hall when she turned and said,
"A.D. Kersh wanted me to remind you not to be late. 11:00 sharp." She
left Scully staring at the letter in her hand. Scully had a bad feeling
about this. 

__________________________________

The phone was ringing when she entered the office.

"This is Agent Scully. May I help you."

"Agent Scully, this is Dr. Kosseff... " She was clearly upset.

Scully's first thought was to Mulder. <Where is he?>

Dr. Kosseff continued, "We need to talk immediately. My computer was
accessed sometime last night without my permission. Someone...somebody
here within the Bureau has all my records on Agent Mulder."

"What? How?" But Scully knew immediately. Kersh. That bastard Kersh.

"You're sure it's someone here?" Scully asked slowly and carefully.

"Absolutely Agent Scully. I have safeguards, passwords...it has to be
from within."

"I...," she started when she heard the door open and Mulder walked in.

"I'm on my way up right now." Her voice was businesslike as she stood
and grabbed some papers off the table and hurried past Mulder.

"See you tomorrow Mulder," she called out over her shoulder.

______________________________

"See, Agent Scully...," Kosseff's eyes blazed. "This is such a blatant
violation....my job is to protect my patients. Without their trust..."
She shook her head.

"Do you know who did this?" Scully asked.

"No, I have no idea."

"I have friends who might be able to help. Let me get back to you. And
please don't let Mulder know about this."

As Scully hurried away from Dr. Kosseff's office, her mind was racing.
She looked at her watch. Less than 18 hours before their meeting with
Kersh.

In her car she looked up and dialed the office of Senator Matheson. The
phone rang and rang. On the seventh ring an answering machine picked up.
She clicked the phone off and redialed - there was no way she was going
to leave a message on the recorder. With one hand she quickly made the
turn and headed for Senator Matheson's office.

_______________________________

SENATOR MATHESON'S OFFICE Capitol Hill

Scully caught him as he was leaving for the day.

"Sir. Agent Scully. Agent Mulder's partner."

He looked around the hallway. It was deserted.

"What trouble has Fox gotten himself into?" the Senator asked quietly as
he locked his office door.

"Sir, if we could step inside your office..."

The Senator shook his head no. "Whatever it is I can't help him."

"But.."

"Not this time. Not right now." He turned away from her and headed down
the hall.

"Sir...," Scully hurried to catch up. "This is serious."

Senator Matheson stopped and turned to face her. There was impatience on
his face.

"Miss Scully, I understand your concern for your partner...I like
Fox...I've always been supportive of his work but he's not the only one
who's trying to save his ass here in Washington. Monica ring a bell?
Impeachment hearings? For those of us who supported the
President.....It's time to concentrate on self-preservation. I am truly
sorry, Agent Scully. Good luck."

Scully stopped, standing motionless in the hallway as she watched
Matheson round the corner and disappear. She reached into her jacket and
pulled out her cell phone to dial the Lone Gunmen. The phone rang until
the recorder picked up.

"Come on, come on, answer. Frohike, pick up the damn phone. Langley,
Byers! It's Scully. Call me immediately. Not Mulder, *me*. Anytime -
it's that important guys."

Scully knew she couldn't wait for them to call back. She needed to think
of another plan. She was running out of options. She returned to her car.

<Damn!>

She didn't want to use him. She still wasn't sure he could be trusted
but she was running out of time. He might be their last hope. If she
didn't hear from the Lone Gunmen in the next couple of hours, there
would be no choice. 

___________________________________

APARTMENT OF A.D. SKINNER

"Agent Scully?" Skinner was surprised to see her and at such a late hour.

Scully had waited near his apartment building for his return home. It
had been a risk. She didn't even know if he was in town. He was her last
hope.

Scully looked nervously down the hall. Skinner quickly stepped back,
allowing her to enter his apartment.

"Thank you for seeing me, Sir."

He checked the hallway before closing the door.

Scully stopped pacing and turned to face him.

"Scully?" He took a step towards her, concerned.

"They're trying to bury him. They're trying to kill him," Scully said,
her voice shaking with rage.

"Who? Mulder?"

She nodded.

"Who's trying to kill him?"

"That bastard Kersh. They found out. I don't know how, but they found
out....I'm sorry," she apologized. "I know I'm not making any
sense...Kersh has the perfect excuse to finally rid himself of
Mulder...of us. And I may have been responsible for him doing that."

"Agent Scully please sit down."

She reluctantly took a seat. Her hands moved nervously in her lap.

"Start from the beginning....tell me everything."

Scully paused before she drew in a deep breath. She needed to trust him.
She started with Mulder's sessions with Dr. Kosseff.

"Dr. Kosseff called and told me someone had accessed her files.
Specifically Mulder's. This call came moments after Kersh's office bimbo
informed me that Mulder and I were scheduled for an 11:00 meeting the
next morning." She looked at her watch. "This morning...and not to be
late. She wouldn't tell me what it was in regards to. I'm sorry, sir. I
didn't know where to turn. I tried his Congressional contact who can't
afford to make political waves at this time. I do appreciate you seeing
me. You could just have easily shut the door in my face."

She gave him a small, grateful smile. "I have no one to turn to but you.
I know you were told not to have contact with us on a professional
level...so consider this a social call."

"Agent Scully, you *can* trust me."

"I hope so Sir."

"Does Mulder know?"

"No," Scully said quickly, shaking her head. "I couldn't - he's in such
a fragile state. If he loses his work.....he has never given up hope
that he'll...we'll be able to get the X-Files back. It's what keeps him
at the Bureau."

She watched Skinner's face. He rubbed his temple with one hand. She
could tell he was thinking. He was tryng.

"Anything, Sir. Just to buy some more time. I know we can't hold Kersh
off forever. But I'm hoping things will change...again."

____________________________________

FBI HEADQUARTERS Friday 10:30 am

"Agent Scully?" A.D. Kersh looked up, surprised. He looked at his watch.
"You're half an hour early. Is Agent Mulder here?"

Scully shook her head no. "To be honest, Sir, I didn't even tell him
about this meeting. Or should we call it what it really is...a witch hunt."

"Did I not specifically ask to see you *and* Agent Mulder?"

"I won't watch you do this to him."

"Do what Agent Scully?" he asked with feigned innocence.

"Begging your pardon, Sir, but let's cut through the crap." Her eyes
blazed.

Kersh cocked an eyebrow. "Crap?" He flipped open the folder on his desk.
"Okay Agent Scully, cutting through what you so delicately call
'crap'......simply put....Agent Mulder has become a liability. I have
the expense reports, the medical bills..."

"Your point being...," she said angrily, cutting him off.

"Taxpayers can't afford to have him in the field."

Scully opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She held out her
hand.

"Please, Sir, I would like copies of these so-called expenses. I would
like to call the Jarmans in Colorado and tell them that their daughter's
life wasn't worth the money spent. I know their number is in the file.
If you would like to personally call and tell them the FBI is trying to
work on a cost effective basis and that saving young children from
predators is too..."

Agent Scully...," Kersh's tone was sharp, warning her that she was
pushing it.

"Or perhaps one of the large papers like the Post would like a human
interest story like this one. We'll let those taxpayers you are so
concerned with decide whether it was worth it or not."

"Is that a threat, Agent Scully? Because if it is, I will allow you time
to formulate an apology."

"Look at my face Sir, does it look like I want to apologize?"

There was no doubt in Kersh's mind, she was not bluffing.

They stared at each other for several long moments. Kersh finally looked
away.

"You're excused Agent Scully. Please inform your partner he has just
used up his ninth life...as have you."

Scully turned quickly on her heels to leave. She paused at the door.

"Another thing, Sir. If I find the person who accessed Agent Mulder's
records without his or Dr. Kosseff's permission..."

"Agent Scully you were excused. I think I've had enough of your threats
for one day."

Scully stepped out of the office and gave Kersh's secretary a triumphant
smile. 

____________________________________

She waited until she was sure that they would be alone on the elevator.
She caught the closing doors and slipped in. Skinner was standing at the
back of the elevator, his face expressionless. Scully pushed the button
to her floor and stepped back to wait.

Barely audible, she said, "Thank you." There was a catch in her voice.

Before the door reopened, Skinner said, "Keep his card. He's the only
reporter I trust. You two watch your backs." He stepped just past her
and walked down the hallway towards his new office.

She sighed as the doors slowly closed. 

___________________________________

Mulder looked up. "Where've you been, Scully?"

"Making copies."

"If I were the suspicious, paranoid and insanely jealous type, I'd think
you were lining up clandestine meetings at the copy machine."

"Jealous, Mulder? Don't worry," she said, patting his shoulder. "I can
handle only one man at a time and it looks like you're it."

"I'll pick you up bright and early tomorrow. Flight leaves at 8:00. You
haven't changed your mind, have you Scully?"

"No way Mulder." 

___________________________________

APARTMENT OF DANA SCULLY Saturday 5:37 am

"Mulder come on in. I'll be just a minute."

Scully went into her bedroom and returned with a large tote bag.

"Okay, I brought a blanket, rain ponchos, sunglasses, sunscreen..."

"I think you've got it covered, Mom."

"Just one more thing..." She set the bag down and crossed to Mulder. She
reached up and started unbuttoning the first two buttons of his New York
Yankees shirt.

"Ah... Scully...we really don't have time. If I had known I could have
come earlier..."

Scully peeked into his shirt.

He threw up his hands. "I told you Scully, no paint."

He reached into his rear jeans pocket and pulled out an extra Yankees
baseball cap and placed it on her head. He tucked the stray strands of
her hair under the cap. Her eyes met his.

"Ready?"

He took the bag from her hand and headed for the door with Scully
trailing behind him.

"And remember...no spitting, scratching...," she said as she closed and
locked the door. 

_________________________________

YANKEE STADIUM 11:01 am

"Mulder, you didn't!" Scully looked up at Mulder, feigning exasperation.
"How are we going to get *that* on the plane?" Her eyes were shining.

"I could get you another one and you could tell them they're gloves."

He handed her the big puffy hand proclaiming the New York Yankees to be #1.

"I would have been just as happy with a pennant."

"Be right back."

He returned with two beers, hot dogs, nachos, peanuts and popcorn.

"Mulder, the game hasn't even started..."

"Scully don't tell me those peanuts on the plane were enough for you."

She took the food and drinks from Mulder as he settled into the seat
beside her. They had arrived early enough to see the last swings of
batting practice. Mulder fidgeted in his seat like an excited child as
Scully neatly spread a napkin on her lap.

"Scully this is great. Smell that grass. Listen to the sounds...the pop
of the ball in the gloves...the crack of the bat. And not just any bat,
but wooden ones, not metal. They should be outlawed. There's something
obscene about the sound of metal on a ball. Plink? What the hell kind of
noise is that? Give me that crack...the sound when you *know* the second
it makes contact it's gone, the sound that tells outfielders not to
waste the effort. It's so pure. This is great Scully, just great."

Scully handed him a hot dog.

"I guessed the one with chili all over it is yours."

She held up a cup of beer.

"Beer Mulder...I'm putting it by your left foot. Try not to kick it over."

She wasn't sure he had heard her. He sat transfixed, absorbing all the
sights and sounds around him.The stadium was beginning to fill up. It
looked like it was going to be a big crowd. The weather was perfect.
Mulder licked his finger and held it up in the breeze.

"Looks like it's blowing straight out to center field. Anyone gets it in
the air....it's gone. Could be a slug fest Scully."

_____________________________________

It turned out to be the slug fest Mulder had predicted. But more because
of poor pitching rather than the breeze. It was the bottom of the ninth
with the Yankees behind by one. A checked swing single put Paul O'Neill
on first.

"Two outs Scully. Come on Jeter!" Mulder yelled. "Let's do it!"

The Yankees shortstop swung wildly at a low ball out of the strike zone.
Full count.

"Damn!" Mulder cursed. He grabbed Scully's hand. "Come on Red, you're
going to be our lucky charm. We didn't come all this way to watch them
lose!"

On the next pitch Jeter barely connected and knocked it foul. Mulder
slumped back into his seat, still holding Scully's hand tightly. The
entire crowd rose for the last pitch. Mulder pulled Scully to her feet,
their shoes crunching on the empty peanut shells.

"He's going to do it Scully I can feel it," Mulder said excitedly.

Scully closed her eyes for the pitch. She heard the crack of the bat and
the roar of the crowd and opened her eyes in time to see the ball fly
over the right field wall. Mulder was jumping up and down. She was
shocked as he paused to hug her, lifting her off her feet. He released
her to high five the man next to him.

"It doesn't get any better than this! Wow!"
___________________________________

Most of the spectators had left. Mulder and Scully remained in their
seats as they watched the clean-up crews move in and begin the arduous
task of cleaning the stadium before tomorrow's game. Scully watched as
the excitement of the game left Mulder. He was becoming more pensive.
She knew he didn't want this to end.

"Hey Scully...," Mulder asked softly, "how much money do you have in the
bank? Do you think we could quit our jobs and do this full-time? Nomad
Yankee fans moving from ball park to ball park...," Mulder sighed. "Do
you ever wish you never had to go back?"

He looked down at his hands then off into center field. "That's the way
I feel...today was perfect, Scully." He turned to her. "Thanks."

"No - thank *you* Mulder for showing me what I was missing."

Scully watched his face. She sensed he wanted to tell her more. She
waited patiently. Mulder reached under his seat and pulled out his drink
and finished it off. He pulled the straw free from the lid with his
teeth and chewed on the end. He still gazed towards the field, as if
afraid to make eye contact with her. He reached up and pulled the straw
out of his mouth and played with it in his hands.

"My father took me to my first game when I was four and a half. Not this
stadium, the old one. Where all the old greats played. Ruth. Gehrig.
DiMaggio. Dad was always a Yankees fan - never could get excited about
the Senators. Sam had been born about six months before. I think Dad
thought I was being neglected with all the attention she was getting. It
was my first plane trip and ball game. Dad even got the signatures of
the entire team. Mantle. Marris. I guess a perk for working for the
State Department. It meant a lot to me."

Scully settled back into her seat. Mulder could feel her eyes on him. He
took a deep breath.

"There *were* good times, Scully....really....I didn't want you to
think....," his voice trailed off. "Things changed when I was about
eleven. It was as if.....as if I wasn't his son anymore. I'd look in his
eyes and see pain and hatred."

Scully quickly closed her eyes and pushed back a sob.

"Why? What had I done wrong? Did I whistle at the table one too many
times? Not put my bike away? The harder I tried the worse it got. Mom
acted like....well, like she was trying to just exist also. His
drinking...weekends were the worst."

Scully watched the straw move faster and faster in his hands.

"And after Sam disappeared...I didn't think it was possible for things
to get worse but they did. Sam had been the buffer between me and Dad. I
miss her Scully. My priorities may have changed over the years but I
still miss her and I want her back."

Scully watched a tear slide down his face. She leaned forward and
reached out, taking the straw from his hand. She threw it aside and
slipped her hand into his. She gave it a slight squeeze.

"Sorry Scully...talk about ruining the moment."

"Go on," Scully said softly.

Mulder turned to face her. He gave her a sad smile.

"I wish I could...I really do...," he shook his head slowly, "...but I
can't." 

__________________________________________

It was late when Mulder dropped her off at her apartment. He declined
her invitation to sleep on her couch. She didn't push. When she entered
her apartment, she saw the message light flashing. The first message was
from her mother wondering how the trip went. The second was from Frohike.

"Scully, it's Frohike. What's up? Your message sounded urgent....tried
your cell phone. No answer. We'll be up late...call...I'll be waiting by
the phone."

Frohike picked up on the first ring.

"Frohike, I need your help."

"Damsel in distress...right up my alley."

Scully explained the situation. She was going to arrange a meeting for
tomorrow with Dr. Kosseff and wanted Frohike to try to track who had
accesed Mulder's files.

"Don't worry your pretty head, Scully. Piece of cake...I think we
learned that in Hacking 101. Call back and give me a time. I'll leave
the day open for you...my pleasure."

__________________________________________

OFFICE OF DR. KOSSEFF Sunday 9:03 pm

Dr. Kosseff was amazed. It took the odd little man less than ten minutes
to find who had breached her records.

"Leads right to some dude named Kersh."

There was no surprise on Scully's face.

"You knew didn't you?" said Dr. Kosseff.

Scully nodded.

Dr. Kosseff turned to Frohike. "Can you document everything? I'm filing
a formal complaint first thing tomorrow morning before I leave town. If
OPR won't act, I'll take this all the way to the Attorney General. This
is outrageous behavior, especially coming from an Assistant Director."

________________________________________

As Scully was driving him home, she turned to say, "Thanks, Frohike."

"Anytime pretty lady."

"How's Mulder doing? I couldn't help but notice the doc was a shrink..."

"He's going through a tough time right now..."

"Sorry to hear that...man, when it rains it pours....looks like you're
having a rough time too. If you ever need to talk..."

"Thanks, I'll remember that."

"I mean it Dana."

<Dana.>

"I've known Mulder for ten years, longer than you have. I won't betray
any of his confidences...especially regarding you." Scully quickly
looked at Frohike.

"All good I can assure you," he added with a smile. "You're his rock,
Scully. I've told you this before...you're the best thing that's ever
happened to him. He didn't think so at first....you should have heard
all his bitching and whining...."

They both smiled.

Scully stopped the car. Before Frohike got out, he turned to her.

"He trusts you more than anyone else on this planet...or off it. I know
Mulder. He's afraid. He's been used up too many times. So now he pushes
when he feels he's getting to the edge. He's pushed pretty hard with you
Scully and you're still here. The doctor seemed pretty nice, but you're
the only one who can really reach him."

"Okay...enough." He reached for the door handle. When you have the
opportunity, tell Mulder we'd like to see him...and be sure to have him
bring any new video entertainment....unless you want to come too. Open
invitation Scully. Mi casa es su casa."

"Gracias," said Scully with a smile. "Thanks again Frohike. I'll let him
know he's been missed."

Scully sat several long minutes after Frohike had left. She knew he was
right. To get what she wanted from Mulder she needed to give him
something in return. The truth seemed like a good place to start.

__________________________________

DR. KOSSEFF'S OFFICE Wednesday 7:27 pm

Mulder was startled to see Scully sitting in the room when he entered.

"I've asked Agent Scully to be here. I think it's important for you to
hear what she has to say."

Mulder looked nervously from one woman to the other.

Dr. Kosseff smiled. "Don't worry Agent Mulder, I'm leaving. I think it
would be best for you two to have this conversation without me present."

She excused herself and left.

Mulder reluctantly took the seat opposite Scully. He quickly searched
her face, looking for a hint of whether this discussion was going to be
good or bad. He tried not to let the panic show, but his heart was
racing. His palms were sweaty as he clenched and unclenched his hands.

<What if she's had enough...what if she's here to tell me...>

Scully saw the dread on his face as he averted his gaze. He suddenly
looked pale and sick.

"Mulder, it's okay," she said, trying to calm him. "Please...how could
you think that?" she asked, reading him to perfection. "You're wrong.
You have to listen Mulder. The truth is in my words and in your heart
you know that truth."

Scully paused before continuing, carefully selecting each word.

"This is not easy. Our relationship has never been one of words. In the
six years we've been together, we've been friends, but we are also
strangers. I don't know why we don't talk to each other - maybe it's
because we just never did early on and that *became* our relationship.
Maybe saying things out loud made them too real and too permanent. Maybe
we were both afraid to show each other our weaknesses...

She drew in a long breath and slowly released it. She waited until he
raised his eyes from the floor to look at her.

"I *need* you Mulder," she said softly. "I will selfishly protect you
with my life because I would be lost without you. I *was* lost. When you
were gone, I saw a future that was unbearable. I have never been so
frightened in my life...Not even the cancer scared me as much as losing
you."

"I can't...I don't believe that...what do you see when you look at me
Scully? Be honest. What do you hear? The rantings of a madman?"

She looked up at him sharply. "Don't...," she cautioned. "A madman?" She
slowly shook her head no. "You don't believe that. And if you did, it
would be an insult to me."

Her voice softened. "What I see is a man with so much passion and
strength that he not only carries himself, he also carries me. Without
him, I would have died months ago, taken by a disease that my *science*
defined as incurable. But it was you who saved me, you who gave me a
chance. And I am eternally grateful."

"But it was because of me.."

"No Mulder," she said angrily. "*You* didn't give it to me, *they* did.
And you saved me...just like all the times before and the times that
will come. I admire the passion that drives you, but I will no longer
accept it unconditionally. It consumes too much of you. I want
everything for you Mulder and you can have it all, but it won't be easy.
But I'm here to fight..."

"With me," Mulder said with a faint smile.

"If need be, yes. You are your own worst enemy."

"I'm just damaged goods," he said.

Scully felt him trying to slip away from her.

"But aren't we all? I know of no perfect person."

Her serious face softened as she knelt before him, taking his hands in
hers.

"Mulder I need this. But most importantly, you need this. It's time to
stop pushing people away."

Mulder opened his mouth to protest, but stopped. She looked up at him
with the most compassionate look he had ever seen in her blue eyes. He
squeezed her hands and leaned forward.

"Scully, if I say those words again...will you believe me this time?"

"I'll let you in on a secret. I believed you the first time. But I
wouldn't mind hearing them again."

"Scully...," he paused to look deeply into her eyes. "I love you." He
held her gaze for several seconds, then stood up and pulled her close.
"And for a man to say that to a woman without ever having had sex with
her..."

His hand slowly stroked her hair. "Your being with me is my validation
to the world...," his voice caught, "...that I'm *not* crazy. If it
weren't for you, I'd be calling home a padded cell." He placed both
hands on her arms and gently pushed her back so he could see her face.
"I never thought I could face what my father did to me..." He closed his
eyes and she felt him shudder. She tried to pull him close but he held
her back. He opened his eyes. There was another look on his face. One
she had seen in the hallway of his apartment building. This time she was
ready. There would be no indecision. Slowly he pulled her close,
lowering his mouth to hers. She didn't resist and moved to him. Their
lips touched lightly. They parted, looking into each other's eyes for
any trace of regret. There was none.

"After all that has happened to you...to us...and you're still here."

"Like the song says, Mulder...'always forever'."

"Or like gum on the shoe..."

Scully laughed. Mulder looked at his watch. "Session's over. If you're
hungry Scully..." He held his arm out.

"Mulder, we *are* still in FBI headquarters...technically on duty."

"Fuck 'em. If they ask we'll just tell them it's therapy...physical
therapy."

Scully slid her arm under his and headed towards the door.

"Scully did you hear the rumor? Kersh is out and Skinner's back in.
Something about an illegal hack. You hear anything about it?"

"Not a word."

"There *is* a God."

"I know Mulder. I've been telling you that for years."
________________________________________

OCTOBER

The rumors had been correct. Less that a week after taking over his old
position, Skinner reassigned Mulder and Scully to their basement office.
Scully saw an immediate change in Mulder - his passion and drive had
returned.

When he walked in the door she knew something was up. He could barely
contain his excitement as he drew the envelope out of his pocket and
laid it on the desk. She looked at it and up at him with a puzzled
expression on her face.

"A promise is a promise, Scully," Mulder said softly. I hear the aspen
are the best they've been in years."

Scully opened the envelope and took out the plane tickets. Mulder saw
her shoulders sag slightly as she closed her eyes. They were for Denver
with a shuttle to Aspen. Tickets for two.

Mulder watched her face. "Scully?"

She opened her eyes. "Two tickets. And...," she smiled playfully at her
partner, "...how many rooms did you reserve at the motel? One? Or two?"

With one look, Mulder gave her the answer.

THE END